Kid Wit - Very Wise, Quick & Funny

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.

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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

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TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

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TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

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TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!

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TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is.
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.' 
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TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

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TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

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TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

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TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.

Tag: KidWit

Divorce A La Catalan

On the weekly food section in the newspaper I read regularly, there's an article today about the merit of a restaurant, together with a couple of photos, one of them showing the front. Very impressive looking country house style building in beautiful rural settings. I noticed too they display one of those blackboards on a stand, on it is the announcement that reads, in Catalan: 'Salo de bodes, bateijos I divocis' which in English says: 'Salon for weddings, communions and divorces'.

I am sure the owner, or whoever responsible for the advertising, thought themselves very modern, humorous and possibly, even clever.

However generous I tried to be, the kindest word I could come up with to describe them is, frivolous. No doubt many of you would not agree with me, but personally I see nothing funny about a divorce, any divorce, under whatever circumstances and however right a decision is for both parties, as an event to celebrate about. How do you toast the host/hostess, 'Here is to you, happy divorce!'?

It's logical to presume that most couples, if not all, had once been in love with their now Ex's. Even if the divorce is the only course to take, even if it's desired by both parties, even if there are no children to consider, and even if one or both are terrible and most unsuitable people to stay together, the divorce is to me still an unfortunate outcome and a sad solution. Not to say that separation or divorce does not necessarily solve the problem that led to the end in the first place. Being unhappy in any relationship is not always the other's fault.

Unless, one or both of them, had never loved the other for a single minute. Or the marriage was formed for convenience of some kind, political, financial or even moral. In these cases, when the marriage had later served it's purpose, I guess the divorce then in effect signifies a new beginning not an end. There had also been surprising happy endings, that the couple did fall in love, through mutual discovery and understanding, sometime or some years after the wedding!

In this day and age, one of the most notable human behavior is intolerance. People get angry easily, about everyone and everything. Whenever any conflict occurs, they just blow up, throw in the towel, or call it quits. Few take the trouble to analyse the cause and seek solutions.

I don't see crisis being synonym of failure.

Tags:Divorce,Crisis,Solutions

The Number 54 Bus

How to catch a number 54 Bus  

A country boy called Norman was visiting London, England, for the first time. He wanted to see Big Ben and the Houses of Parliament. Unfortunately, he couldn't find it by himself, so he asked a police constable for directions.

'Excuse me, officer, how do I get to Parliament Square?'
The policeman replied, 'Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there.' He thanked the officer and waited at the bus stop.

Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and, amazingly, Norman is still waiting at the same bus stop.
The police officer got out of his car and said, 'Excuse me, sir, but to get to Parliament Square, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus and that was three hours ago! Why are you still waiting?'

Norman replied disarmingly, 'Don't worry, constable, it won't be long now ...The 45th bus just went by.'

Tags:54Bus

Proverbs Made Up By 1st Graders

Mary taught first grade. She had a class of twenty-five adorable kids. One day Mary gave each child the first half of a well known proverb and asked them to write in the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders.

No news is............................ impossible.

Love all, trust....................... me.

An idle mind is....................... the best way to relax.

Strike while the...................... bug is close.

Better late than...................... pregnant.

A penny saved is...................... not much.

Don't change horses................... until they stop running.

A miss is as good as a ............... Mr.

Happy is the bride who................ gets all the presents.

Two's company, three's................ the Musketeers.

Don't bite the hand that.............. looks dirty.

It’s always darkest before............ Daylight Saving Time.

There are none so blind as ........... Stevie Wonder.

Where there's smoke there's .......... pollution.

The pen is mightier than the.......... pigs.

If at first you don't succeed......... get new batteries.

When the blind lead the blind ........ get out of the way!

Children should be seen and not ...... spanked or grounded.

You can't teach an old dog new ....... math.

Don't put off till tomorrow what...... you put on to go to bed.

Tags:KidProverbs

Once Upon A Bridge ...

Darragh O'Malley was driving his lorry when he saw a bridge with a sign saying 10 foot max. headroom. He slowed down wondering if he could drive under it or not.

"A shure I'll give it a go," he thought only to find that his lorry got stuck underneath it.

Darragh sat back in his seat, poured out a cup of tea and lit a cigarette. A policeman arrived a short time later and knocked on the cab door which Darragh immediately opened.

"What do you think you are doing?" demanded the policeman in a sharp tone.

"Sure I'm having me tea break," replied Darragh.

"And what do you work at?" enquired the policeman.

"Agh shure, I deliver bridges," smiled Darragh.

Tag: BridgeStory