23rd Jan 2012 Stress Free Day

This is how I heard YOUR day was going ...

First you had trouble getting out of bed

You had a stiff neck

Your new diet really doesn't seem to be working out

You pulled a muscle when you tried to exercise

Your new hat looked better on you at the store

You keep losing things

You got caught in the rain at lunchtime

Then the lunch you had didn't seem to agree with you

You feel trapped

         Uninvited guests showed up at dinnertime

On top of that you think you're coming down with the flu

And finally, you're alone in the house at night when you think you hear a noise in the basement

MAYBE TOMORROW WILL BE BETTER!!
Thought for the Day

Handle every stressful situation like a dog.

If you can't eat it or play with it,
Just pee on it and walk away.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
RELAX!!! TO ALL MY 'NUTTY' FRIENDS
Have a fabulous STRESS FREE Day!

Tags: strssfree

Prev: 23rd Jan 2012 Last Thing I Must Do Before Dying

I think I should make a note to cancel all my credit cards before dying. It's very important, customer service being what it is today, to avoid leaving behind complications & problems for whoever needs to handle legacy or debts. The following is a true case demonstrating the importance of such precaution. 

 

A lady dies this last January, and her bank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, adding late monthly charges and interest. The balance had been $0,00, now is somewhere around $60,00. A family member placed a call to the Bank:

Family member: 'I am calling to tell you that she died in January.'

Bank: 'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'

FM: 'Maybe you should turn it over to Collections?'

B: 'Since it's 2 months past due, it already has been.'

FM: 'So, what would they do if they find out she is dead?'

B: 'Either report her account to the Frauds Division or report to the Credit Bureau, maybe both.'

FM: 'Do you think God will be angry at her?'

B: 'Excuse me?'

FM: 'Did you get what I was just telling you ... the part about her being dead?'

B: 'Sir, you will have to my speak to my supervisor.'

Supervisor comes on the phone ~

 

FM: 'I am calling to tell you she died in January.'

Super: 'The account was never closed, the fees and charges still apply.'

FM: 'You mean you want to collect from her Estate?'

Super: '(Stammer) Are you her lawyer?'

FM: 'No, I am her nephew. (lawyer info. given)

Super: ' Could you fax a certificate of death?'

FM: Sure. (Fax number given)

After they got the Fax ~

 

B: 'Our system just isn't set up for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.'

FM: 'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her, I don't think she will care.'

B: 'Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.'

FM: 'Would you like her new billing address?'

B: 'That might help.'Fm: 'Rookwood Memorial Cemetery, 1249 Centenary Road, Sidney, Plot no. 1049.'

B: 'Sir, that's a cemetery!'

FM: 'Well, what the **** do you do with dead people on your planet?'

 

Tags: bankcharges, creditcards

Prev: 23rd Jan 2012 How Do Lawyers Pass Their Bar Exam?

23rd Jan 2012 How Do Lawyers Pass Their Bar Exam?

Lawyers are often the butt of jokes throughout the world. Here are some splendid examples, taken from stenographers' transcripts of real court cases. Some of the questions have no answers, presumably either they left people speechless, or the stenographers were laughing themselves silly and not able to type them down.

Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?

A: Not yet.

Q: ... any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?

A: The victim lived.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

A: Yes, I have been since early childhood.

Q: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?

A: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.

Q: What is your brother-in-law's name?

A: Fowler

Q: What's his first name?

A: I can't remember.

Q: He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?

A: No. I tell you I'm too excited. (Rising from the witness chair and pointing to Mr. Fowler). Derek, for goodness sake, tell them your first name.

Q: Did you tell your lawyer that your husband had offered you indignities?

A: He didn’t offer me anything; he just said I could have the furniture.

Q: What is your name?

A: Geraldine McNally

Q: And what is your marital status?

A: Fair

Q: Are you married?

A: No, I'm divorced.

Q: And what did your husband do before you divorced him?

A: A lot of things I didn't know about.

Q: Mrs. Warren, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your solicitor?

A: No. This is how I always dress when I go to work.

Q: Did he pick the dog up by the ears?

A: No.

Q: What was he doing with the dog's ears?

A: Picking them up in the air.

Q: Where was the dog at this time?

A: Attached to the ears.

Q: ... and what did he do then?

A: He came home and next morning he was dead.

Q: So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?

Q: Could you see him from where you were standing?

A: I could see his head.

Q: And where was his head?

A: Just above his shoulders.

Q: The truth of the matter is that you were not an unbiased, objective witness, isn't it? You, too, were shot in the fracas?

A: No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval.

Q: Now, Mrs Brown, how was your first marriage terminated?

A: By death.

Q: And, by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are right now?

A: I will be three months November 8th.

Q: Apparently then, the date of conception was August 8th?

A: Yes.

Q: What were you and your husband doing at that time?

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

A: All my autopsies have been on dead people.

Q: Did the lady standing in the driveway subsequently identify herself to you?

A: Yes, she did.

Q: Who did she say she was?

A: She said she was the owner of the dog's wife.

Q: I understand you're Donald Rowbotham’s mother.

A: Yes.

Q: How long have you known him?

Q: Please state the location of your right foot immediately prior to impact.

A: Immediately before the impact, my right foot was located at the immediate end of my right leg.

Q: Was that the same nose you broke as a child?

Q: What happened then?

A: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."

Q: Did he kill you?

Q: Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?

Q: Were you alone or by yourself?

Q: How long have you been a French Canadian?

Q: Do you have any children or anything of that kind?

Q: So you were gone until you returned?

Tags: a's, lawyers, q's

Prev: 22nd Jan 2012 Things You Can Only Say At Christmas Or Thanksgiving