26th May 2012 Observations On Retirement

** A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his head.
'What are you doing dear?'
'Swatting flies - I got 3 males and 2 females'

'How do you know what sex they were?'
'Easy - 3 were on the beer and 2 were on the phone'

**The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.

** When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.

** Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save

** It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

** When one door closes, another one opens, but we often look so long and regretfully at the closed door that we fail to see the one that has opened for us.

** Few men of action have been able to make a graceful exit at the appropriate time.

** A man is known by the company that keeps him on after retirement age.

** There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit...retire!"

** A Confession ~

A priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician, who was also a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. He was delayed so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.

"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his place of business, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."

Just as the priest finished his talk the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his speech.

"I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honour of being the first one to go to him in confession."

Me: Isn't a priest supposed never to reveal anything at all he hears at the Confessional?

Tags: confession, retirement

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