The Talking Clock & The Car

Talking Clock

A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night. He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.

"What's with that big brass gong?" one of the guests asked.

"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied.

"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.

"Yup," replied the drunk.

"How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it.

"Watch," the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "You idiot! It's one-fifteen in the morning!"

Car Problems
Jill's car was unreliable, and she called John for a ride every time it broke down. One day John got yet another one of those calls.

"What happened this time?" he asked.
"My brakes went out," Jill said. "Can you come to get me?"

"Where are you?" John asked.

"I'm in the drugstore," Jill responded.

"And where's the car?" John asked.

"It's right here, with me."

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Tags:talkingclock,car

• Current Mood: Amused

Significant Quotes On America

Some of the Americans who had made their mark in history; I thought some of these are relevant or interesting to reflect on:

• America, we are better than these last eight years. We are a better country than this.

Barack Obama, Nomination Acceptance Speech, 08-28-08

• In America any boy may become President and I suppose it's just one of the risks he takes.

Adlai E. Stevenson Jr. (1900 - 1965), Speech in Indianapolis, 26 Sept. 1952

• There is nothing wrong with America that cannot be cured by what is right with America.

Bill Clinton (1946 - )

• There's the country of America, which you have to defend, but there's also the idea of America. America is more than just a country, it's an idea. An idea that's supposed to be contagious.

Bono (1960 - ), Oprah Winfrey Show, 2002

• I see America, not in the setting sun of a black night of despair ahead of us, I see America in the crimson light of a rising sun fresh from the burning, creative hand of God. I see great days ahead, great days possible to men and women of will and vision.

Carl Sandburg (1878 - 1967)

• There is nothing wrong with America that the faith, love of freedom, intelligence and energy of her citizens cannot cure.

Dwight D. Eisenhower (1890 - 1969)

• The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.

Frank Zappa (1940 - 1993)

• America is therefore the land of the future, where, in the ages that lie before us, the burden of the World's History shall reveal itself.

Georg W. Hegel (1770 - 1831)

• England and America are two countries separated by a common language.

George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)

• America is a young country with an old mentality.

George Santayana (1863 - 1952)

• America has never been an empire. We may be the only great power in history that had the chance, and refused – preferring greatness to power and justice to glory.

George W. Bush (1946 - ), speech, November 19, 1999

• America has never been united by blood or birth or soil. We are bound by ideals that move us beyond our backgrounds, lift us above our interests and teach us what it means to be citizens.

George W. Bush (1946 - ), Inaugural address, 2001

• America will never run... And we will always be grateful that liberty has found such brave defenders.

George W. Bush (1946 - )

• By heritage and by choice, the United States of America will make that stand.

George W. Bush (1946 - ), Speech to the United Nations, September 12, 2002

• In the United States there is more space where nobody is than where anybody is. That is what makes America what it is.

Gertrude Stein (1874 - 1946), The Geographical History of America (1936)

• What's right about America is that although we have a mess of problems, we have great capacity - intellect and resources - to do some thing about them.

Henry Ford II (1917 - 1987)

• America - a great social and economic experiment, noble in motive and far-reaching in purpose.

Herbert Hoover (1874 - 1964)

• I'm not going to quit. Why should I quit? This country is worth fighting for.

Hillary Rodham Clinton (1948 - ), Ellen DeGeneres interview, 04-07-08

• This is the story of America. Everybody's doing what they think they're supposed to do.

Jack Kerouac (1922 - 1969), On the Road

• In a country as big as the United States, you can find fifty examples of anything.

Jeffery F. Chamberlain

• Our American values are not luxuries but necessities, not the salt in our bread, but the bread itself. Our common vision of a free and just society is our greatest source of cohesion at home and strength abroad, greater than the bounty of our material blessings.

Jimmy Carter (1924 - )

• I always consider the settlement of America with reverence and wonder, as the opening of a grand scene and design in providence, for the illumination of the ignorant and the emancipation of the slavish part of mankind all over the earth.

John Adams (1735 - 1826)

• I believe America's best days are ahead of us because I believe that the future belongs to freedom, not to fear.

John Kerry (1943 - )

• America is a vast conspiracy to make you happy.

John Updike (1932 - ), Problems and Other Stories

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• Current Mood: Awake

My Personal & Disorderly Views - Films

Even though I am quite a movie fan but, with my erratic work hours and life style, I tend to miss many films I dearly love to see. This means I don't get to see them till months or years later, when they are put on the telly. I saw the following not all that long ago.

The Treachery Of Olga Kurylenko ~

You know surely Olga Kurylenko is the gorgeous new Bond girl who appeared in the latest Bond 007 film 'Quantum of Solace'. Her charm had not managed to conquer the Russian communist party of San Petersburg (Leningrad), whose leader Sergi Malinkovich reproached the Ukrainian actress and model of being treacherous to the socialists' ideals for participating in that film, sleeping with Bond, Which equals to Ukraine is sleeping with the West. Treason!! "Where is her conscience?" he sentenced.

The curious part, not to say outright absurd, is that Olga Kurylenko played a girl from Bolivia. No matter. The accusation shows incredible ignorance, not even able to distinguish fiction from reality, facts or story telling. The girl is an actress for goodness sakes!

The Strange Case Of Benjamin Button ~

Saw the publicity photo of Brad Pitt, receding hairline with straggly grey-hair, wrinkled up face and wearing metal rimmed glasses. No trace of the sexy Pitt that melts every woman's heart. He appeared so in the film 'The strange case of Benjamin Button', based on the story by Scott Fitzgerald, in which a man who is born 80 years old (physically), but each day he 'grows' a little younger, till the onslaught of the hurricane Katrina in 2005. It's directed by David Fincher (Zodiac), and making ample use of computer generated effects, which I don't generally enjoy much.

That's why I often prefer old films, most things you see were real. Enhanced or camouflaged, but basically real.

Brideshead Revisited ~

This is the one I very much enjoyed, for the 3rd or 4th time! I saw the original TV series in one of the several reruns some years ago, and subsequently 2-3 times more and absolutely loved everything about it. I am quite a fan of Jeremy Irons and I think everyone in the cast too was just perfect. Very curious about the remake though, and simply can't quite imagine that it might equal the old one, let alone surpass it. But I am quite open and willing to be surprised. In fact I hope I will be. That would truly be delicious.

Vatel ~

Tonight The Spanish TV is putting on a film, not new but one I have not even known about the existence of. It sounds rather interesting, because of the theme, the director, Roland Joffe, and the leading star, Gerard Depardiu.

Vatel (Depardiu) was a cook and the Maestro of the royal court in the 17th century, who had organised a banquette that was to last 3 days, in the Castle of Chantilly, in honour of the Monarch Luis the 14th. Just shortly before the feast ended, Vatel, the perfectionist, committed suicide because the fish had not arrived in time!!

Perfectionist? A fool definitely, and not exactly a good chef in my opinion. He he been one, he would have immediately found or concocted a good substitute and not even the king would have known the difference, after all, presumably whatever he cooked was superb to have maintained his position in the royal court. Killing himself was like treason - now the King had nothing to eat!!!

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• Current Mood: Artistic