16th Dec 2011 Diets To Giggle About

A Generous Diet ~

Needing to shed a few pounds, Robert, and his wife Jennifer, went on a diet that had specific recipes for each meal of the day. They followed the instructions extremely closely, dividing the finished recipe in half for their individual portions. Robert and Jennifer felt terrific and thought the diet was wonderful; they had never felt better, nor did they ever feel hungry.

As time progressed, Robert and Jennifer realized that they were, in fact, putting on weight and not losing it. They decided that they ought to check the detail of the recipes just one more time. It was then that they found their error. 

There, in small print, Robert and Jennifer saw, to their horror: 'Serves 6'.

Well Done? ~

Kevin was furious when his steak arrived cooked too rare.

'Waiter,' Kevin shouted, 'Didn't you hear me say 'well done'?'

'Of course I did, sir, I can't thank you enough, sir,' replied the waiter. 'I hardly ever get a compliment.'

Eating Out ~

Alex and Ann went to a restaurant for dinner. They scanned the menu, then promptly ordered two steaks. 

The waiter duly brought the steaks with fries and salad. Alex quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself 

Ann was decidedly unhappy about that, 'When are you going to learn to be polite, Alex?' she complained. 

Alex responded by asking, 'If you had the chance to pick first, which one would you pick?' 

'The smaller piece, of course,' replied Ann.

'Then what are you whining about? The smaller piece is what you want, right?' Alex concluded.

My Ways and means of Dieting ~

** The best way to lose weight is by skipping ..... snacks and dessert.

** One guideline applies to fat and thin people alike: if you're thin, don't eat fast. If you're fat, don't eat - FAST.

** Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut her up with cookies ...

** Sleeping enough is important part of a good diet routine. The only time I'm not eating is when I'm sleeping.

** One of life's mysteries is how a two-pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds.

** The only exercise I get is jumping to conclusions.

Tags: dietgiggle

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