- Everyone should have a spouse, because there are a number of things that go wrong that one can't blame on the government.
- Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
- If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning.
- Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hair stylist you like.
- There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate: when he can't afford it, and when he can.
- The follies which a man regrets most in his life, are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity.
- Men spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
- The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are in the wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
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