The Miss Universe pageant is fixed. All the winners are from Earth.
Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings.'
You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.
Materialism: Buying things we don't need with money we don't have to impress people that don't matter.
People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.
The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth.
I have all the money I'll ever need - if I die by 4p.m. today.
Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance?
Join the army, visit exotic places, meet new people, then kill them.
Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?
Life is like a bird, it's pretty cute until it shits on your head.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognised.
You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.
The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.
Why
is it called Alcoholics ANONYMOUS when the first thing you do is stand
up and say, 'My name is Peter and I am an alcoholic.'?
When you choke a smurf, what colour does it turn?
Alcohol is a perfect solvent: it dissolves marriages, families and careers.
Alcohol doesn't solve any problems ... but then again, neither does milk.
No comments:
Post a Comment