20th July 2012 Today's Giggles

Warning Labels On Appliances ~

** On Odour Eaters: Please do not eat.

** On a blender: On no account improvise as a fish aquarium.

** On stockings: Not to be used in the commission of a felony.

** On gloves: For best results, do not leave at the crime scene.

** On a fridge: Refrigerate after opening.

** On alphabet blocks: Not for children. Letters may be used to construct words, phrases and sentences that may be deemed offensive.

** On a cardboard windshield sun-shade: "Warning: Do Not Drive With Sun Shield in Place".

** On an infant's bathtub: Do not throw baby out with bath water.

** On a calendar: Use of term "Sunday" for reference only. No meteorological warranties express or implied.

** On a microscope: Objects in view are bigger and more frightening than they appear.

Fancy A Double? ~

 

Neil was in a pub, extremely drunk. The barman, Simon, noticed this, and when Neil asked for another whisky, the barman politely told him that he was too drunk to be served another drink.

Neil leaves. He walks out of the pub and in again at the side door and asks Simon for a double whisky. A little frustrated, Simon repeats the answer he had said earlier.

Again Neil leaves and enters through a further side door, walks up to the barman and asks for a Scotch. Simon is now quite annoyed, and tells Neil he is too drunk and to get a ride home and leave the pub.

Once more, Neil leaves. Again he comes in, this time through the back door. Neil walks up to the barman and before he can say a word, Simon explodes and shouts at him, "I told you already, you are way too drunk, you can not have another whisky. Get out of my bar!"

Disgruntled, Neil glares at Simon and asks, "Man, how many bars do you work at?"

 

Tags: whiskey, pub, labels

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