1st Aug 2011 About Parrots & Being British

The Vicar is buying a parrot ~

'Now, you're sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?' he inquired.

'Oh absolutely. It's a religious parrot,' the storekeeper assures him. 'Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the Lord's Prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm.' 

'Brilliant. Wonderful!' grins the Vicar, 'but what happens if I pull both strings?' 

'I fall off my perch, you twit!' screeches the parrot.

The old man and the teenage girl ~

An old man in a cafe was watching a teenage girl sitting near him. She had spiked hair in all different colours - green, red, orange and blue. The old man just kept on staring.

Each time the teenager looked round, she would find the old man still staring. When she had had enough, she sarcastically asked: “What's the matter old man, have you never done anything wild in your life?" "Got stoned once and screwed a parrot." said the old guy. "I was just wondering if you were my daughter." Being British ~ Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV; and the most British thing of all? Suspicion of anything foreign. The Problem with Speaking English ~ Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us. Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Tags: parrot, british

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