- Police Station toilet stolen....Cops have nothing to go on.
- Schizophrenia beats being alone.
- If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
- You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes. You will learn a lot today.
- A thing not worth doing isn't worth doing well.
- If a thing is worth doing, it would have been done already.
- Ham and Eggs: A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig.
- Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it?
- All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
- I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.
- Lord, if I can't be skinny, please let all my friends be fat.
- Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
- Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career.
- Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.
- Jesus loves you! It's everybody else that thinks you're an ass.
- When blondes have more fun do they know it?
- Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
- Losing a husband can be hard. In my case it was almost impossible.
- My wild oats have turned to Shredded Wheat!
- Is reading in the bathroom considered multi-tasking?
Tags: sarcastichumour
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