5th Sept 2011 Making Fun Of The Scots ...

** A Thoughtful Scottish Husband ~

Did you hear about the thoughtful Scotsman who was heading out to the pub? He turned to his wee wife before leaving and said, 'Jackie - put your hat and coat on lassie.'

She replied, 'Awe Iain that's nice - are you taking me to the pub with you?'

'Nah, I'm just switching the central heating off while I'm oot.'

** The Last Wish ~

Old Sandy McPherson was dying. Tenderly, his wife Maggie knelt by his bedside and asked, 'Anything I can get you, Sandy?' No reply.

'Have ye no' a last wish, Sandy?'
Faintly, came the answer ... 'A wee bit of yon boiled ham.'

'Wheesht, man,' said Maggie, 'ye ken fine that's for the funeral.' 

** How To Disperse An Unruly Crowd In Scotland ~

Alisdair Biggar, a Scotsman, applied to join to the New York City police force.
The inspector glared at him and asked, 'How would you disperse a large, unruly crowd?'
'Well,' replied Alisdair thoughtfully, 'I'm no too sure how ye do it here in New York, but in Aberdeen we just pass the hat around, and they soon begin to shuffle off.'

** Art Auction ~

At an art auction in Edinburgh, Scotland, a wealthy American lost his wallet containing £20,000 [$45,000]. He announced to the gathering that that he would give a reward of £200 to the person who found it.

From the back of the hall a Scottish voice shouted, 'I'll give £250.'

Tags: jokes, scots

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