- We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.
- Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
- When in doubt, mumble.
- I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
- I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
- Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
- if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
- God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
- Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
- Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
- You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
- The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
- I might just as well laugh at my problems; everybody else does.
- It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.
- If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
- A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
- Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
- A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
- Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What can my best friend do?
- I love vegetables, but hate being a vegetarian.
- Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
- We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
- Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
- Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
Tags: sillyobservations
Prev: 19th Dec 2011 My Thoughts Today, Virtue & Vice
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