- Vegetarian: Native American definition for "lousy hunter".
- The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong maybe you'd get a pulse.
- The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
- Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
- 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.
- Two years ago I married a lovely young virgin and if that doesn't change soon I'm gonna divorce her.
- Alcohol is not the answer it just makes you forget the question.
- The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
- Only dead fish go with the flow.
- For every action there is a corresponding over-reaction.
- It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper.
- What if there were no hypothetical questions?
- Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
- Only in America ... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
- They call it "pms" because "mad cow disease" was already taken.
Tags: funnysarcasm
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