I came across this old Blog while I was trying to find the rest of my 100 word stories. A re-post, but it's just as funny as when I read it the last time.
Qantas
pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet", which tells mechanics
about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems;
document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe
sheets before the next flight.
Never
let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some
actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' Pilots and the
solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.
Pilots: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Engineers: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
Pilots: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
Engineers: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft
Pilots: Something loose in cockpit.
Engineers: Something tightened in cockpit.
Pilots: Dead bugs on wind-shield.
Engineers: Live bugs on back-order.
Pilots: Auto-pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
Engineers: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
Pilots: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Engineers: Evidence removed.
Pilots: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Engineers: That's what they're for.
Pilots: Suspected crack in wind-shield.
Engineers: Suspect you're right.
Pilots: Number 3 engine missing.
Engineers: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
Pilots: Aircraft handles funny.
Engineers: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
Pilots: Target radar hums
Engineers: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
Pilots: Mouse in cockpit.
Engineers: Cat installed.
And perhaps, to me, the funniest one ... Or is it the cat & mouse?
Pilot:. Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
Engineers: Took hammer away from midget
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