Jake & Jill, A Wedding, A Will

** Jake and Jill

Jack was about to marry Jill and his father took him to one side.
'When I married your mother, the first thing I did when we got home was take off my trousers,' he said. 'I gave them to your mother and told her to put them on. When she did, they were enormous on her and she said to me that she couldn't possibly wear them, as they were too large.'

'I told her:' 'Of course they're too big. I wear the trousers in this family and I always will!' Ever since that day, we have never had a single problem.

Jack took his father's advice and as soon as he got Jill alone after the wedding, he did the same thing - took off his trousers, gave them to Jill and told her to put them on. Jill said that the trousers were too big and she couldn't possibly wear them.
'Exactly' replied Jack. 'I wear the trousers in this relationship and I always will. I don't want you to forget that'.

Jill paused and removed her knickers and gave them to Jack. 'Try these on' she said, so he tried them on but they were too small.
'I can't possibly get into your knickers' said Jack.

'Exactly' replied Jill. 'And if you don't change your bloody attitude, you never will.

** At a traditional wedding ...

A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white?"
His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life."
The boy thinks about this, and says, "Well then, why is the boy wearing black?"

** Like father, like husband

If it's true that girls are inclined to marry men like their fathers, it is understandable why so many mothers cry so much at weddings.

** A living will

Last night, my friend and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
She got up, unplugged the TV, and threw out my wine.

She's such a bitch ...

Tags:wedding,will

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