Those of my
friends and contacts who have read a few of my Blogs, would have known
that it's habitual I sign my Blog pics. Not today, because I didn't edit
this one. While searching a picture to head today's Blog earlier, I
came across this one which I pushed aside a long while ago, when it was
sent to me by one of my contacts. It somehow made me very uncomfortable,
almost felt a bit eerie as it strangely evoked old and painful
memories. I decided to use it today and Blog about it because I want to
lay old ghosts to rest.
In my early teens I went one day with my boyfriend to spend a lazy Sunday at the beach. I said boyfriend but he was a man, more than 10 years my senior. A few hours later he became my fiancé as he proposed right there at the beach, soaking wet and breathless, and I readily said yes. He was so happy! He kissed me, did a doubt somersault, got himself covered with sand, and ran off into the sea.
He never returned. His body was found more than a day later by the police. Drown after a bad cramp it was supposed; and he being an excellent swimmer, several times champion in competitions.
I have not been in the water ever again. Many years later, when I was already living where I do now, right by the sea, I started going to the beach, just to sit and lose myself in thought, only rarely when I went with another boyfriend. On one of those occasions, as I wouldn't go anywhere near water, my boyfriend went in alone leaving me sitting on the beach. I absent-mindedly drew on the sand with my finger 'Miss you', without dwelling too much on the past. Until Boyfriend's laughing voice 'woke' me saying 'I had only been gone 10 minutes, you miss me already?'
Back to this photo and the contact who sent it to me. He was in a habit of sending me very amorous messages and photos of himself, or of me to which he had done some arty changes, this one I posted above amongst them. This photo was not even taken on a beach, but he had added the sand, and strangely the only words I myself had ever written on sand and I had never told him about my past. For some inexplicable reason I didn't threw away the photo but had not as much as looked at it. In fact I had forgotten it's existence, until very recently. The eerie feeling returned, and this time, I thought ... could it be ...? No! Yes? Perhaps???
The contact I deleted from my list soon after that. Not because he had done that picture, but I couldn't handle those endless love notes. Now I am not so sure. A totally crazy thought lodged itself in my mind, of contacting him again, but then I don't even remember what he called himself!! I am not too serious about that idea anyway. It's too silly. How could he have anything to do with my lost friend? Dead. Gone forever.
- Current Mood:
confused
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