No Funeral For Me ...

As much as I could possibly avoid it, I don't go to hospitals. Not even to visit anybody, including friends. It probably seems callous or even heartless. I just find it very depressing and it makes me immediately feel suffocating. For the same reason, if I am very ill and hospitalised, I also prefer not to have visitors. How can the sick rest and recover when the room is full of chattering friends, telling you how much they enjoyed being at this and that place, doing such and such wonderful things and having a real grand time, while you are in utter discomfort or pain wishing they would just leave you alone?

I always try my best not to go to funerals especially, friends or even family's if I could somehow avoid it. Unless of course if my absence should cause great upset or incomprehension to the dead friend's family. Pain to me is something very intimate and personal, and I am not at ease with it's public exhibition. In any case I can't stand the sad atmosphere and I can't conceal my emotion nor hold my tears.

Even when the diseased is not a close friend. Funerals seem to upset me even more than the family members of the dead, and this could sometimes be rather awkward, and might even cause suspicion. That happened a few years back, when a Spanish friend died still a young man, after being sick for less than 2 months. He was the close friend of my regular dancing partner at the time, and we had been many times out dancing together. For whatever reason he (the one that passed away) never went with his wife. She hated it and couldn't dance anyway I was told.

At his funeral I was so very upset and couldn't stop shedding tears, that the family members began to eye me suspiciously. Not much later his widow looked me up for a 'chat'; she had thought I had been his lover as, apparently, he had as much as admitted he had one. It was not me! That did it. I swore I would never attend any funeral ever again. Not even my own!!!

I might attend a funeral though had the departed was an enemy, so as just to make sure that he was indeed lying in the box! But then I had never had someone I would consider an enemy!

Tags:funerals

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