The Happy Old Man

** The two farmers ~
Bud, from Texas, is on holiday in Israel and meets farmer Shlomo there. Bud asks Shlomo what he does.

"I raise a few chickens," says Shlomo. “I'm also a farmer.”
“So am I. How much land do you have?” asks Bud.
“Fifty meters in front, and almost a hundred at the back.”

Now it was the turn of Shlomo to ask a question.
“You’re from Texas, so what about your farm?" asks Shlomo.
Bud tells him, "On my farm, I can drive from morning until sundown and not reach the end of my property."

"That's too bad," says Shlomo. "I once had a car like that."

** The start of it all ~
A Rabbi, a priest and a minister are discussing when life begins.

The priest says: "In our religion, life begins at conception."
The Minister says: "We disagree. We believe that life begins when the foetus is viable away from the mother's womb."

The Rabbi responds: "You are both wrong. In our religion, life begins when the kids graduate college and the dog dies."

** Happy Old Man ~
Mrs Herman from London was visiting some friends in Florida when she saw a little old man with a wrinkly face rocking merrily away on his front porch. He had a lovely smile on his face. She just had to go over to him.

“I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look. I would love to know your secret for such a long and happy life.”
“I smoke four packets of cigarettes a day, drink five bottles of scotch whiskey a week, eat lots and lots of fatty food and I never, I mean never exercise.”

“Why, that’s absolutely amazing. I’ve never heard anything like this before. How old are you?”
“I’m twenty six” he replied.

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