- Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined.
- A study conducted by Sydney University's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.
However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest, with a cricket bat up his arse while he is on fire. - A lady friend says to me: 'You know what calories are? They are little bastards that get into your wardrobe at night and sew your clothes tighter. My closet is infested with the little shits."
- It's raining so hard, it's knocking the monkeys out of the trees.
- She is so thin she has to round around the shower 3 times to just get wet.
- Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
- A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, "At my age, I don't even buy green bananas."
- A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
- Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
- Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
- Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
- I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
- It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.
- Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
- The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.
Tags: funnythings
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