* The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it. (Ann Bancroft)
* Any husband who says. 'My wife and I are completely equal partners', is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge. (Bill Cosby)
* I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewellery. (Rita Rudner)
* Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards. (Benjamin Franklin)
* My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. (Henny Youngman)
* My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. (Rodney Dangerfield)
* A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. (Milton Berle)
* I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. (George Burns)
* I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, 'There's water in the carburettor'. I said, 'Where's the car?' She said, 'In the lake.' (Henny Youngman)
* Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. (Phyllis Diller)
* The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. (Henny Youngman)
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