9th Sept 2011 Nearly Paraprosdokianism - Mixture Of Wit & Acid Humour

Nearly Paraprosdokianism ~

• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
• You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
• The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
• Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back!
• A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
• Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
• Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
• Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
• There's a fine line between cuddling, and holding someone down so they can't get away.
• I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
• I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
• When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
• You're never too old to learn something stupid.
• To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
• Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
• Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
• A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
• If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
• Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. Have a great day or pretend to!

Not Paraprosdokian Examples - Just Quirky English Logic ~

• Have you noticed that there is neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
• And there are no hogs in Hogmanay.
• And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
• Quicksand only works slowly.
• If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
• If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Tags: paraprosdokianism

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