What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.
The position of the dirt bag.
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs.
45 lbs.
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.
45 minutes.
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Say 'I am naked and I am ready, and there's apple pie for afterwards'.
Say 'I am naked and I am ready, and there's apple pie for afterwards'.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
They can't stand criticism.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.
Because they have cotton balls.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
"Are you sure it's mine?"
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Breasts don't have eyes.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."
He walks around saying "Yo."
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
A different bar.
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.
They're hiring.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with ... 'a recipe'.
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with ... 'a recipe'.
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.
AND....LAST BUT NOT LEAST ~
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairy tale?
A northern fairy tale begins "Once upon a time..."
A southern fairy tale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit!!"
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairy tale?
A northern fairy tale begins "Once upon a time..."
A southern fairy tale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit!!"
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