Amusing Short Stories

** Wrong Train

Some time ago, I decided to visit my sister who was living in France. I assumed that most French would speak English. I found that many people spoke only their own language and this included the ticket inspector on the train. He punched my ticket, then chatted cordially for a bit, making several expansive gestures. I simply nodded from time to time to show him that I was interested.

When he had gone, an American tourist, also on the train, leaned forward and asked if I spoke French.

"No," I admitted.

'Then that explains, he said, 'why you didn't bat an eyelid when he told you that you were on the wrong train.'

** Pinot Wines

There are many "pinot" wines on the market these days: Pinot Noir, Pinot Blanc and Pinot Grigio are but a few.

There is also marketing research on a product for senior citizens from a new hybrid grape that acts as a diuretic and will reduce the number of trips an older person has to make to the bathroom during the night.

They will be marketing the new wine as ... Pinot More.

** Right Neighbourly

Archie, a successful business man becomes fed up with all the stress of big city life and decides to chuck it all. He takes his savings and buys a large ranch in the middle of the outback, just north of Barossa Valley in South Australia.

After a couple of months of enjoying the quietness and solitude he hears the drumming of hoofs outside his home. Seizing his rifle he challenges the man riding up on the horse, "G’day neighbour, hold it right there.”

The rider says, 'I'm your neighbour, I have a ranch only 20 miles from here, and I want to invite you to a Welcome Party I'm throwing for you next Saturday. There's going to be music, dancing, hugging, kissing, drinking, fighting ... we'll have a great time.'

Not wanting to be unfriendly the new rancher lowers the rifle and asks, "How should I dress?'

'Blimey, mate, it don't matter,' replied the neighbour, 'There’s only gonna be the two of us.'

** The Cadge

Every time, Peter, the man next door headed toward Paul's house, Paul knew he was coming to borrow something, he was always doing so and it was driving him mad.

'Peter won't get away with it this time,' muttered Paul to Liz, his wife, 'Watch this.'

'Er, I wonder if you'd be using your hedge trimmer this morning?" asked Paul the neighbour.

'Crikey, I'm terribly sorry,' said Paul with a smug look, 'but the fact of the matter is, I'll be using it all day.'

'In that case,' smiled Peter, 'You won't be using your golf clubs, mind if I borrow them?

Tags:train,wine,neighbour,cadge

• Current Mood: amused