Growing Older Or Getting Old

Growing Older ...

• Now that I am older, this is what I discovered ...
• I started out with nothing ... and I still have most of it.
• I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.
• Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.
• All reports are in. Life is now officially unfair.
• If all is not lost, where is it?
• It really is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
• The first rule of holes; if you are in one, stop digging.
• I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway through.
• Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.
• A day without sunshine is like a day in Seattle.
• Kids in the back seat cause accidents, accidents in the back seat cause kids.
• It's not the pace of life that concerns me; it's the sudden stop at the end.
• It's hard to make a comeback, when you haven't been anywhere.
• If God wanted me to touch my toes he would have put them on my knees.
• When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?
• Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
• Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optionalWhen I was young, I would go out and sow my wild oats, then I would pray for a crop failure. But when did my wild oats turn to prunes and all bran?

How do you know you are getting old?

• You've found yourself discussing the weather.
• You have nightmares about forgetting to move the garbage cans to the street for the garbage collector.
• You buy "age-defying" makeup and "anti-wrinkle" creams and believe they work.
• You've realized that all those geeky people in Bermuda shorts walking around Disney World include you.
• You recognize Led Zeppelin songs that have been turned into elevator Muzak.
• As a public service, you have agreed to never appear on the beach in a Speedo again.
• Wal-Mart and Target seem to share your fashion sense.
• The only way you know to stop a virtual pet from beeping involves the patio and a sledgehammer.
• You can pack two suits, five shirts, five ties, five pairs of underwear, five pairs of socks, a pair of shoes, and half of your bathroom into a carry-on bag-in less than five minutes.
• You think if you hear "Stairway to Heaven" one more time your head will explode.
• Your weight-lifting program seems to have no effect on your muscles, but the veins on the backs of your hands are bulking up quite nicely.
• On Saturday night, when your wife mentions "Hot oil, a little friction, and squealing", you tell her you'll have the car looked at first thing on Monday morning.

Tags:growingolder

Current Mood: Amused