The Warning & The Attack

The warning

David, Benny and Howard went everywhere together. David was an alcoholic, Benny was a heavy smoker and Howard was gay. Over the years, all three became desperately ill, so one day they decided to see a doctor to discuss their options.

The doctor examined each one in turn and when he had written up his notes, he looked up and with a very serious face, addressed all three of them. He said, "It’s very clear to me that if you continue to indulge in your respective abhorrent vices, even just once, you will die. Please believe, I know what I’m talking about."

Each one left the surgery determined never again to indulge in his vice. However, on their way home, they passed a wine bar. David heard the loud music, he smelled the drink and without thinking, led his friends inside and ordered a glass of wine. As soon as he had finished the drink, he fell dead on the floor.

Benny and Howard were totally shaken when they left the bar. They now realized more than ever the seriousness of their doctor’s warning.

As they continued home, Benny saw a cigarette end lying in the gutter. It was still alight but before Benny could do anything, Howard put his hand on Benny’s shoulder and said,

"You know, if you bend down to pick up that cigarette end, we're both dead."

Under Attack
An old Wild West fort is about to be attacked. The wily old general sends for his trusty Indian scout.

"You must use all your thirty years of skill in trying to estimate the sort of army we are up against here."

The trusty Indian scout lies down and puts his ear to the ground.

"Heap large war party," he says, "maybe three hundred braves, four chiefs, two on black stallions, two on white stallions. All have war paint. Many, many guns. Medicine man also with them."

"Good grief!" exclaims the general. "You can tell all of that just by listening to the ground?"

"No," replies the Indian, "I can see under the gate."

Tags:attack,warning

Current Mood: Amused