Tim Vine - In The Style Of Tommy Cooper

Tim Vine has written a great deal of his own comic material, unfortunately some of Tim's jokes have been mistaken for Coooperisms. In fact, Tim is a fine stand-up comedian in his own right, and in 1995 he won the Perrier Award for Best Newcomer at the Edinburgh Festival. Tim's career has blossomed and British readers may have seen him compère TV shows such as Whittle (Channel 5), Fluke (Channel 4) and Housemates (BBC1).

The following should all be attributed to Tim Vine:~

• "So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'"


• "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice."


• "So I went down my local ice-cream shop, and said 'I want to buy an ice-cream'. He said Hundreds & thousands?' I said 'We'll start with one.' He said 'Knickerbocker glory?' I said 'I do get a certain amount of freedom in these trousers, yes.'


• So I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died."


• "Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'. And the dentist said to me 'Mr Vine, get out of the filing cabinet."


• "So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are."


• "So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from."


• "So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'


• "Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin."


• "So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road.'

Tags:TimVine,TommyCooper

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