- With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
- You're never too old to learn something stupid.
- Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
- Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
- Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
- I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
- Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
- The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
- He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
- Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
- You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
- Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
- Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
- It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.
- Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
- If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
- Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
- If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman. - Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
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