- TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
- Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
- When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
- Virginity is like a soap bubble, one prick and it is gone.
- If winning isn't everything why do they keep score?
- If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.
- Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
- Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one.
- If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.
- We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.
- Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
- I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
- Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
- Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
- When in doubt, mumble.
- A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.
- There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
- Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
- Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
- My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
Current Mood: 
Amused
Amused
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