A widdle wabbit ~
A cute little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, in the sweetest little lisp between 2 missing teeth, 'Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?'
As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks, 'Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thort and fuwwy, bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?'
She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice, 'I don't think my python weally gives a thit!'
A Sermon ~
A priest was giving a sermon in Mass, when he noticed on the 1st row a man was asleep. He raised his voice but he couldn't wake the man. So he says to a boy sitting next to the man and says, 'Wake him up for me, would you?'
'Why me?', says the boy, 'You are the one that puts him to sleep!'
The last request ~
On his death bed, a man says to his wife: 'Maria, promise me, when I die, you will Mary Antonio.'
'But why, he is your worst enemy!'
'That's why.'
Contraceptive pills ~
A woman asked her doctor to prescribe her some birth control pills. The doctor, taken aback, said: 'But Mrs Greenwood, you are 82 years old. What would you possibly need birth control pills for?'
'To help me sleep better.'
The doctor considered this for a second, and continued: 'How in the world do birth control pills help you sleep?'
The woman said: 'I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice, so I sleep better at night.'
A proposal ~
Two senior citizens, she widow, he widower, have known each other for years. One night they both attended the community club dinner for retired folks, sitting opposite each other. He looked at her thoughtfully for a long while and finally gathered up courage to ask: 'Would you consider marrying me?'
'Yes, yes. I accept.' She replied.
The dinner was nice and they had a fine evening, then returned to their respective homes.
The following day, the old man was worried because he had forgotten whether the woman had said yes or no to his proposal. He thought, and thought hard, but no idea. He phoned the woman, explaining that his memory was not as good as it used to be, and was wondering whether she had said yes or no to his proposal of marriage.
He was delighted when the woman answered a positive yes. And she continued: 'Indeed I accepted with all my heart, and I am so very happy that you called to confirm it, as I had spent the whole morning trying to remember who had proposed to me last night!!!'
