31st Aug 2011 The Eye Of Love - A Little Story To Make You Think ...

A grandmother and a little girl whose face was sprinkled with bright red freckles spent the day at the zoo. The children were waiting in line to get their cheeks painted by a local artist who was decorating them with tiger paws.

'You've got so many freckles, there's no place to paint!' a boy in the line cried.

Embarrassed, the little girl dropped her head. Her grandmother knelt down next to her. 'I love your freckles,' she said.

'Not me,' the girl replied.

'Well, when I was a little girl I always wanted freckles,' she said, tracing her finger across the child's cheek. 'Freckles are beautiful!'

The girl looked up. 'Really?'

'Of course,' said the grandmother. 'Why, just name me one thing that's prettier than freckles.'

The little girl peered into the old woman's smiling face. 'Wrinkles,' she answered softly.

The Eye Of Love

Tags: wrinkles, freckles

Prev: 31st Aug 2011 True Or False - Certain Health Myths

31st Aug 2011 Certain Health Myths - True Or False

Drink 2 litres of water a day, Don't eat any more than 2 eggs a week, margarine is healthier than butter ... ? Are they really true health guides or assumed myths? Jose Alberto Palma, doctor of the Clinic University of Navarra, has investigated at length the scientific base of our most frequent doubts; supported by explanations. I have chosen just 10 most circulated beliefs from the list of 30 ~

1) Don't drink alcohol if you are taking antibiotics - True

Although it depends on what type of antibiotic. Some if combined with alcohol simply reduces the effect, others might produce ill feeling or vomit.

2) margarine is healthier than butter - False

Butter is better because it's a natural product. However it contains saturated fat so it should not be taken in great quantity regularly. Margarine is a industrial product, result of a process to change vegetable oil into solid form. The best to be used on toast is olive oil.

3) Hair and nail continue to grow after death - False

When someone dies, the start to dehydrate and the skin retracts, this gives the false appearance that the hair and nail are longer.

4) Mobile phone provokes cancer - False

Multiple studies on this aspect have not found that mobiles cause cancer or any kind of tumour

5) Reading with insufficient light damages eyes and causes bad eyesight - ~ False

What happens is that when we read with poor light, the eyes adapt by contracting to better focus. This could cause tiredness or fatigue, but after resting, the eyes would return to their normal state.

6) Stress can cause illnesses - True

It can cause a large variety of sleep disorder and nightmares, and aggravate whatever existing illnesses, especially sickness of heart or mental, anxiety, depress and constant fatigue.

7) Eating apple conserve teeth - True

Apple contains PH acid that helps to eliminate germs and it's texture serves as a brush to eliminate the rest. But it should not be used as a substitute for correct oral hygiene.

8) Nothing can be done to prevent breast cancer - False

Many things can be done to protect women like not to have babies too late in age, breast feed if possible, don't drink alcohol or smoke, don't get overweight, and follow a diet of food rich in fruit, vegetables and olive oil.

9) Oral anti-contraceptives don't have side effects - False

Investigations have found an association of the consumption of oral anti-contraceptives with major risk of thrombus and heart-failures. The risk is not too high amongst younger women but increases from the age of 35 onwards, and smokers.

10) Mother cells are the solution for all kinds of sickness without cure, like Parkinson, Alheimer and diabetes - False

For now they are not. There are a lot of studies, experiments and investigations that have observed certain utility in adult mother cells, but very far from using them as routine treatment. Only for certain sickness like leukaemia and linfomas; the transfusion of mother cells (known as bone mellow) is already habitual therapy.

Tags: myth, health

Prev: 31st Aug 2011 Giggles - The Solicitor's Porsche

31st Aug 2011 Giggles - The Solicitor's Porsche

A Solicitor parked his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues. As he was getting out of the car, a truck came speeding along too close to the kerb and took off the door before zooming away.

More than a little distraught, the Solicitor grabbed his mobile and called the police. Five minutes later, the police arrive ... Before the policeman had a chance to ask any questions, the man started screaming hysterically:

“My Porsche, my beautiful silver Porsche is ruined. No matter how long it's at the panel beaters, it'll simply never be the same again!”

After the man finally finished his rant, the policeman shook his head in disgust:
“I can't believe how materialistic you bloody Solicitors are.” he said. "You lot are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else in your life.”

“How can you say such a thing at a time like this?” sobbed the Porsche owner.
The policeman replied: “Didn't you realise that your arm was torn off when the truck hit you?”

The Solicitor looked down in horror:
“Oh hell !” he screamed. ”Where's my Rolex ????”

 

Tags: porsche, solicitor

Prev: 31st Aug 2011 Giggles - The Smart Old Lady - A Repost

31st Aug 2011 Giggles - A Smart Old Lady

A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware Store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?'

The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.'

The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?'

'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home. On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.'

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me.. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?'

The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'

The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.

Tags: farmer, oldlady

Prev: 30th Aug 2011 Why I Want To Be A Bear ...

30th Aug 2011 Why I Want To Be A Bear ...

* I'm Gonna be a Bear ~

In this life I'm a woman. In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear. When you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that too.

When you're a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you are sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.

If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.

If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.

Yup, I'm gonna be a bear!

* Bear Warning ~

In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear conflicts, the Montana Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert for bears while in the field.

We advise that outdoors men wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren't expecting them. We also advise outdoors men to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear. It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoors men should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear poop.

Black bear poop is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur.

Grizzly bear poop is larger and has little bells in it and smells like pepper.

 

Tags: bear, warning

Prev: 30th Aug 2011 Old Folks Wisdom On Walking & Exercise

30th Aug 2011 Old Folks' Wisdom On Walking & Exercise

• Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $4,000 per month.
• I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
• The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
• I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing ...
• I joined a health club last year, spent about 250 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there everyday!
• Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise', I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
• The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they'll say: 'Well, he looks good doesn't he?'
• If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
• I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years ... just getting over the hill.
• Every time I start thinking too much about how I look, I just find a pub with a Happy Hour, and by the time I leave, I look just fine!
• We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
• A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing and the lawn mower is broken.

Tags: oldfolks, exercise

Prev: 30th Aug 2011 Lost In Thought ... Ducks & Chickens

30th Aug 2011 Lost In Thought ... Ducks & Chickens

• I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
• 99% of Lawyers give the rest a bad name.
• 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
• Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
• Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
• Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
• How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
• If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
• What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

* Ducking and Diving.

A duck walks into a shop, and asks for a red lipstick. The cashier says, "Cash or check?" and the duck says, "Just put it on my bill."

* A husband took his wife to the doctor.

"Oh, doctor," he said, "my wife thinks she's a chicken."

The doctor gasped, "That's terrible. How long has she been like that?

The husband replied, "Three years."

The doctor was horrified, "Three years! Why didn't you bring her to me sooner?"

The husband said sheepishly, "Because we needed the eggs."

Tags: chickens, thoughts, ducks

Prev: 30th Aug 2011 Tourism Of Cementeries!

30th Aug 2011 Tourism Of Cemeteries

Some of my friends already consider me strange having the habit of reading obituaries. Just as well I don't, however, have a habit too visiting cemeteries, like a lady neighbour I had once in England. It was almost her main hobby. She also confessed that any new place she visited in any country, just about the first thing she wanted to see were the local cemeteries! I realize some of them are really very beautiful and rather artistic in the display of some pretty unusual or unique tombstones, but the atmosphere always seems to me a bit forlorn, sad and cold. I always insist not attending anybody's funerals either, not even my own!

The 2 monumental cemeteries of Barcelona offer guided tours on Sundays, gratis, for any group of people who wish to visit, even, surprisingly, as elements of tourism (with 6,734 foreign visitors in 2010, and 1,200 more than the year before). I have never been any, but have seen photos of some very wonderful and truly artistic work in some of the designs, both the graves and the tombstones, work of many renowned artists and sculptors; neoclassic as well as modernistic, even abstract, impressionistic or humorous.

I suppose it's also a form of unusual anthology reflecting the tastes and customs of the people, the living, their sentiment towards their departed loved ones, their relationships, and a glimpse into the life of the one resting in peace.

 

Left to right:

Panteon de August Urrutia, Montjuic.

Kiss of Death, Poblenou

Stone tablet of Cerda, with the reproduction of Eixample, Montjuic

Prev: 29th Aug 2011 Some Fun Nonsense For The Monday Blues

29th Aug 2011 Some Fun Nonsense For The Monday Blues

How Smart is Your Right Foot?

This is so frustrating! This is so funny and weird that it will boggle your mind. Give it a go. And if you are anywhere near as stubborn as I am, you will keep trying at least a few more times to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you can't!

1) While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2) Now, while doing this, draw the number '6' in the air with your right hand.

3) Your foot will change direction. I told you so. And, there's nothing you can do about it! Go ahead: KEEP TRYING ALL YOU WANT.

Have a great day. Now get back to work.

=====================================================

Out of the Mouths of Babies ...

Greg, the three year old, put his shoes on by himself. His father noticed that the left shoe was on the right foot and vice-versa. He sat Greg down on a chair and said quietly, 'Greg, your shoes are on the wrong feet.'

Greg looked up at his father with a quizzical expression and replied, 'Don't mess me about, Dad, I know they're my feet.'

=====================================================

Family Feet Business

I heard a story once of a family firm who cornered the feet market. One brother sold shoes, each shoe had a hidden fatal flaw. As a direct result the victim's feet needed treatment with the second brother, who was the only Chiropodist in town.

Legend had it that the chiropodist was so incompetent that the only way the victim could get home was in a taxi. You're ahead of me now, the third brother had the only taxi firm for miles around.

Tags: feet, game, fun

Prev: 29th Aug 2011 A Very Short Love Story In Photos

29th Aug 2011 A Very Short Love Story In Photos

I have seen ducks follow farmers Wellington boots, but I have never before seen a picture of duckling following a dog.

Just in case you think it's the man the ducklings are following. Wrong - it's the dog that the ducklings have imprinted on. Look at the picture, Isn't it endearing? 

Tags: mamadog, ducklings

Prev: 29th Aug 2011 Thoughts On Aging

29th Aug 2011 Thoughts On Aging

• Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
• 'How old are you?' I'm four and a half!' you're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.
• You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
• 'How old are you?' I'm gonna be 16!' You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life ... You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony ... YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!
• But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
• You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50.
• And your dreams are gone.
• But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would.
• So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.
• You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday.
• You get into your 80's and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90's, you start going backwards; 'I Was JUST 92.'
• Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again.' I'm 100 and a half!'
• May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!

ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,

but by the moments that take our breath away.

Tags: aging

Prev: 29th Aug 2011 Do You Possess Inner Strength?

29th Aug 2011 Do You Possess Inner Strength?

You have inner strength if ...

• If you can start the day without caffeine.
• If you can get going without pep pills.
• If you can always be cheerful ignoring aches and pains.
• If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles.
• If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it.
• If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time.
• If you can overlook it when those you love take it out on you when through no fault of yours something goes wrong.
• If you can take criticism and blame without resentment.
• If you can ignore a friend's limited education and never correct him.
• If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend.
• If you can face the world without lies and deceit.
• If you can conquer tension without medical help.
• If you can relax without liquor.
• If you can sleep without the aid of drugs.

• ... Then you are probably the family dog!

Tags: dog, innerstrength

Prev: 29th Aug 2011 The Dead Duck Story

29th Aug 2011 The Dead Duck Story

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, 'I'm so sorry, your Duck, Cuddles, has passed away.' 

The distressed owner wailed, 'Are you sure?'

'Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead', he replied.

'How can you be so sure?' she protested. 'I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything! He might just be in a coma or something.' 

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room, and returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog and took it out, and returned a few moments later with a cat.

 

The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on it's haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, 'I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck.' 

Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill.

'£150!' she cried, '£150 just to tell me my duck is dead!!' 

The vet shrugged.' I'm sorry. If you' d taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now £150.'

Tags: deadduck

Prev: 28th Aug 2011 Harvesting August - Matter Of The Heart

28th Aug 2011 Harvesting August - Matter Of The Heart

The Spanish define making a fortune or lots of advantages with the phrase 'Hacer el Agosto' which, translated in English would be: harvesting or taking full advantage of all profitable aspects with good results. Though why Agosto (August) is used is not clear; I suppose that being the month of holidays when people are less inclined to be too cautious with spending money, and freer with indulging in momentary fancies and desires.

It's now the last week of August, the period when I tend to feel strangely moody or restless. It still feels like summer, with heat and high spirits, lots of tourists and idle locals everywhere (except for the people in the tourist trade working doubly hard of course) enjoying even more frantically whatever activities they most enjoy doing during this last remaining week of August. Like the last kiss, the last good-bye lovemaking, fully aware of the inevitable separation for whatever reason, trying to hold on tight for the last time. I had some such experience; always extra intense, passionate, mixing pain with pleasure, fulfilment and loss.

These so-called 'summer (or holiday) romance. Some even call it love. You embark on the love knowing right from the beginning that's going to end in a few days or weeks. As if August doesn't actually form part of one's life, just a simple escapade, an interlude before you return to the normal routine of life.

I am more mature now. Such temporary pleasure just doesn't compensate with the real pain that insists on interrupting or interfering with the heart any more, in August or any other time.

Tags: passion, august, love

Prev: 28th Aug 2011 Giggles - Husbands, Lawns & Lawn-Mowers

28th Aug 2011 Giggles - Husbands, Lawns & Lawn-Mowers

Why are husbands like lawn mowers?

They are difficult to get started, and then they don't work half the time.

There's one good thing about snow, it makes your lawn look as nice as your neighbour's.

Why do you water your lawn with whisky?

So that it comes up half-cut.

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower. I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

What do you call someone who used to like tractors? An extractor fan.

What do you call a cow who works for a gardener? A lawn moo-er.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Why mow the lawn in the first place? I think we should never weed the lawn as I love the plant diversity; yellow buttercups in April, clover in June and July, and the little wild daisies are just beautiful. Besides all that delightful beauty, why would you prefer to labour over it instead of sit back, with a lemonade or Gin-Tonic in hand, and enjoy it?

Tags: lawn-mowers

Prev: 28th Aug 2011 Newsy Statistics & Knowledge

28th Aug 2011 Newsy Statistics & Knowledge

• In 1980, a Las Vegas hospital suspended workers for betting on when patients would die.
• Thomas Edison was afraid of the dark.
• 'Kemo Sabe' means 'soggy shrub' in Navajo.
• In Kentucky, 50% of the people who get married for the first time are teenagers.
• Kotex was first manufactured as bandages, during WWI.
• Einstein couldn't speak fluently when he was nine. His parents thought he might be retarded.
• In Los Angeles, there are fewer people than there are automobiles.
• About a third of all Americans flush the toilet while they're still sitting on it. (Who and how investigated this I wonder?)
• You're more likely to get stung by a bee on a windy day that in any other weather.
• An average person laughs about 5 times a day. (I am not average I reckon - more, less or not at all)
• Research indicates that mosquitoes are attracted to people who have recently eaten bananas.
• Penguins can jump as high as 6 feet in the air.
• Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants. (What about dogs, cats, birds ...?)
• The average person is about a quarter of an inch taller at night. (Hard to believe!)
• A sneeze zooms out of your mouth at over 600 mph. (What about from the nose?)
• The three best-known western names in China: Jesus Christ, Richard Nixon, and Elvis Presley.
• The Neanderthal's brain was bigger than yours is. (Not mine??)
• A Saudi Arabian woman can get a divorce if her husband doesn't give her coffee. (Can she make her own coffee?)
• The average bank teller loses about $250 every year. (Lost or misplaced I wonder)

Tags: knowledge, statistics

Prev: 28th Aug 2011 Giggles - A Thief's Confession

28th Aug 2011 Giggles - A Thief's Confession

A thief in Paris apparently planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre.

After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van. However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.
When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, 'Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings.'

I had no Monet
to buy Degas
to make the Van Gogh
See if you have De Gaulle to send this on to someone else. I post it here for you because I figured I had nothing Toulouse.

Prev: 27th Aug 2011 When God Created The Cat ...

27th Aug 2011 When God Created The Cat ...

When GOD created the World, He chose to put animals in it, and decided to give each whatever it wanted. All the animals formed a long line before His throne, and the Cat quietly went to the end of the line.

To the elephant and the bear He gave strength; to the rabbit and the deer, swiftness; to the owl, the ability to see at night; to the birds and the butterflies, great beauty; to the fox, cunning; to the monkey, intelligence; to the dog, loyalty; to the lion, courage; to the otter, playfulness. And all these were things the animals begged of GOD. At last he came to the end of the line, and there sat the little cat, waiting patiently.

"What will YOU have?" GOD asked the Cat.


The Cat shrugged modestly. "Oh, whatever scraps you have left over. I don't mind."
"But I'm GOD. I have everything left over. You can ask for anything!"
Then I'll have a little of everything, please" said the Cat.


And GOD gave a great shout of laughter at the cleverness of this small animal, and gave the Cat everything she asked for, adding grace and elegance and . . . only for her, a gentle purr that would always attract humans and assure her a warm and comfortable home.

I purr too when I am happy, contented and cuddled!!

Tags: cat, god, me

Prev: 27th Aug 2011 Sarcastic Or Humourous Oneliners

27th Aug 2011 Sarcastic Or Humourous Oneliners

1. Police Station toilet stolen....Cops have nothing to go on.
2. Schizophrenia beats being alone.
3. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
4. You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes. You will learn a lot today.
5. A thing not worth doing isn't worth doing well.
6. If a thing is worth doing, it would have been done already.
7. Ham and Eggs: A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig.
8. Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it?
9. All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
10. I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.
11. Lord, if I can't be skinny, please let all my friends be fat.
12. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
13. Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career.
14. Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.
15. Jesus loves you! It's everybody else that thinks you're an ass.
16. When blondes have more fun do they know it?
17. Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
18. Losing a husband can be hard. In my case it was almost impossible.
19. My wild oats have turned to Shredded Wheat!
20. Is reading in the bathroom considered multi-tasking?

Tags: sarcastichumour

Prev: 27th Aug 2011 Giggles - All Women's Troubles Start With Men ...

27th Aug 2011 Giggles - All Women's Troubles Start With Men ...

Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN?

Woman has Man in it;
Mrs. has Mr. in it;
Female has Male in it;
She has He in it;
Madam has Adam in it;

Doesn't it all make sense now? If you are not convinced, look again:
MENtal illness
MENstrual cramps
MENtal breakdown
MENopause
GYnaecologist
AND: When we have REAL trouble, it's a ... HISterectomy.
Okay, it's just a wicked joke. But, remember:

You don't stop laughing because you grow old;

You grow old because you stop laughing.

Prev: 26th Aug 2011 God & St. Francis Discussing Lawns

26th Aug 2011 God & St. Francis Discussing Lawns

GOD: St. Francis, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there in the USA? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honeybees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colours by now. But all I see are these green rectangles.

ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers weeds and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colourful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it, sometimes twice a week.

GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

ST. FRANCIS: No, sir -- just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

GOD: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

ST. FRANCIS: Yes, sir.

GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stoke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.

ST. FRANCIS: You'd better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

GOD: And where do they get this mulch?

ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

GOD: Enough! I don't want to think about this any more. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?

ST. CATHERINE: Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie about ...

GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis!

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