31st Oct 2011 Happy Flu Season - If You Know What To Do

FLU SEASON ~ To avoid it ... Eat right!

• Make sure you get your daily dose of fruit and veggies.
• Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C.
• Get plenty of exercise because it builds your immune system.
• Walk for at least an hour a day.
• Go for a swim.
• take the stairs instead of the lift, etc..
• Wash your hands often. If you can't, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around.
• Get lots of fresh air.
• Open doors & windows whenever possible.
• Get plenty of rest.
•  

OR:  Take the doctor's approach ... Think about it ...

When you go for a flu shot, what do they do first?
They clean your arm with alcohol.
Why?
Because Alcohol KILLS GERMS.

So ... I walk to the pub. (exercise)
I put lime in my vodka. (fruit)
Celery in my Bloody Mary. (veggies)
Drink outdoors on the patio. (fresh air)
Tell jokes and laugh. (eliminate stress)
Then I pass out. (rest)

The way I see it ...

 If you keep your alcohol levels up, flu germs can't get you!

REMEMBER:
A shot in the glass is better than one in the ass!

 Live Well -
Laugh Often -
Love Much !!!

 

Tags: avoidingflu

Prev: 31st Oct 2011 Grandparents' Answering Machine ...

31st Oct 2011 Grandparents' Answering Machine ...

Grandparent's answering machine ... Rinnnnnggggg ...

 

"At present we are not at home. Please Leave your message after you hear the beep." 

 

... Beeeeeppp ...

 

"If you are one of our children, dial 1 and then select the option 

from 1 to 5 in order of "arrival" so we know who it is.

 

If you need us to stay with the children, press 2
 

If you want to borrow the car, press 3
 

If you want us to wash your clothes and ironing, press 4
 

If you want the grandchildren to sleep here tonight, press 5
 

If you want us to pick up the kids at school, press 6
 

If you want us to prepare a meal for Sunday

or to have it delivered to your home, press 7
 

If you want to come to eat here, press 8
 

If you need money, dial 9

 

If you are going to invite us to dinner
or take us to the theatre,

start talking, we are listening !!!!!!!!!!!"

 

Tags: answeringmachine, grandparents

Prev: 30th Oct 2011 Giggles - Catholic Heart Attack

30th Oct 2011 Giggles - Catholic Heart Attack

You don't have to be a Catholic to enjoy this little story.
A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store clerk saw him collapsed on the floor and immediately called Emergency. The paramedics rushed him to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.

He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital where he was taken into. A nun was sitting near his bed holding a clipboard loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.

 

'Do you have health insurance? She asked.

'No, no health insurance.' He answered in a raspy voice.

'Do you have money in the bank?' The nun asked again.

'No money in the bank.' He replied.'

'Do you have a relative who could help with the payment?' said the slightly irritated nun.

'I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun.'

The nun became a bit agitated and announced loudly, 'Nuns are not spinsters. They are married to God.'

'Perfect!' Said the happy patient. 'Send the bill to my brother-in-law'.

 

Tags: catholic, brotherinlaw

Prev: 30th Oct 2011 When The Cow Dies ...

30th Oct 2011 When The Cow Dies ...

30th Oct 2011 When The Cow Dies ...

Oct 30, '11 3:58 PM for everyone

Life is different and difficult in many parts of the world; it' inevitable. But the advanced modern technology in communication has make it possible to show us amazing images never seen before, of tribes whose existence we had been totally ignorant of, in far-off places not even mapped. We now see these people with very 'strange' features, more strange still their attire beyond description of fashion or, totally lacking any, wandering on the parts of the earth practically deserted, just like us, looking for a basic living. Except, we get our food, clothing and other supplies from supermarkets, every kind of shops imaginable, plus every kind of luxury imaginable and, unimaginable.

These days Somalia on TV or computer screens present us terrible vision of misery. A million people make journeys of thousands of kilometres, fleeing from the life threatening draught and, often, scenes of war. And photos, of skeleton-like children scrambling & mounting on top of one another, to receive a chunk of dry bread, is sheer anguishing. Under-nutrition is general, so is mortality.

 

I also think of the shepherds, nomads who don't have a fixed abode, having to wander from place to place with their cattle in search of water. Their livelihood are linked directly one with the other. Their animals are their only possession. But with the extended draught, the areas where a couple of months before there was still some water left, are now acrid and barren. 

What happens when the cow dies? Die too goats and sheep; being closely related, so die too the shepherds. UNICEF pronounced that in Somalia hundreds of thousands of people's lives are seriously  threatened, even with danger of extinction.

 

Hard to believe that in this the 21st century, when there seems nothing people can't do, no challenges unmet, no difficulty so complex that can't be conquered, no problems so big that can't be solved, yet we need to sit and watch humanity dying in hunger and agony, with dried out bodies of God's creatures spread all over the deserts.

I do realise this is not the theme for the 'I live to laugh' group. Today this is the only topic I can't rid from my mind. My apologies.

 

Tags: hungrypeople, cows

Prev: 29th Oct 2011 Giggles - Some Total Nonsense

29th Oct 2011 Giggles - Some Total Nonsense

It's a rotten today. Everything that could go wrong for me did. I need sympathy and company, and I couldn't think of anything bright to write. While the PC is actually connected for a change just this very moment, so I am trying to make some of you see how miserable I feel to come up with such rubbish.

** Guessing Game ~

Name a bird with a long Neck? - Naomi Campbell
Name a type of fork not used for eating. - Guy Fawkes.
Name an occupation where you might need a torch? - A burglar
Where is the Taj Mahal? - Opposite the Dental Hospital
What is Hitler's first name? - Heil
Some famous brothers? - Bonnie and Clyde.
A famous Royal? - Mail
A sign of the Zodiac? - April
Something you do before you go to bed? - Sleep
Something you put on walls? - A roof
Something slippery? - A conman
A kind of ache? - A fillet of fish

** Who killed Cock Robin? ~

Presenter: Who killed Cock Robin
Contestant: I did not know that he was dead.

** Full poem as sung by my mother ~
"Who killed Cock Robin?" "I," said the Sparrow,
"With my bow and arrow, I killed Cock Robin."

"Who saw him die?" "I," said the Fly,
"With my little eye, I saw him die."

"Who caught his blood?" "I," said the Fish,
"With my little dish, I caught his blood."

"Who'll make the shroud?" "I," said the Beetle,
"With my thread and needle, I'll make the shroud."

"Who'll dig his grave?" "I," said the Owl,
"With my pick and shovel, I'll dig his grave."

"Who'll be the parson?" "I," said the Rook,
"With my little book, I'll be the parson."

"Who'll be the clerk?" "I," said the Lark,
"If it's not in the dark, I'll be the clerk."

"Who'll carry the link?" "I," said the Linnet,
"I'll fetch it in a minute, I'll carry the link."

"Who'll be chief mourner?" "I," said the Dove,
"I mourn for my love, I'll be chief mourner."

"Who'll carry the coffin?" "I," said the Kite,
"If it's not through the night, I'll carry the coffin."

"Who'll bear the pall? "We," said the Wren,
"Both the cock and the hen, we'll bear the pall."

"Who'll sing a psalm?" "I," said the Thrush,
"As she sat on a bush, I'll sing a psalm."

"Who'll toll the bell?" "I," said the bull,
"Because I can pull, I'll toll the bell."

All the birds of the air fell a-sighing and a-sobbing,
When they heard the bell toll for poor Cock Robin.

Tags: cockrobin, guessinggame

Prev: 28th Oct 2011 News Tip-Bits This Week

28th Oct 2011 News Tip-Bits This Week

** Spain is Number one ~

 

It was made known yesterday that Spain tops the list in Europe where men, between the age from 35 to 55, had in some time during their life, frequented prostitutes for their service (39%), and some continue that activity into older age. (in fact I am surprised, I thought it likely that some would have started earlier). I guess many would be quite pleased that they are the 'most ...' in something. Their position was followed by Switzerland (19%) and Austria (15%).

 

These figures are collected by a report elaborated by the Association for the Reinsertion of Women in prostitution & Sexual Exploitation. It was presented yesterday by the President of the entity and Secretary of the State of Equality. 5oo,ooo hundred thousand women are exported as prostitutes each year in Europe.

 

** Increasing & Decreasing ~

The world population has reached 7,000 million inhabitants worldwide at the moment, but had more recently been decreasing slightly and slowly. The slow-down is due to the incorporation of more women to full time work, and the conscious control of natality, by the decision of couples or, like in China, by the Government.

 

** Accessible Luxury ~

Fairly recently & slowly, the great German fashion designer Karl Lagerfeld, had decided to create affordable clothing for the mass public, no doubt bearing in mind the still imposing economic crisis in most parts of the world. For the coming year, his 'Low-Cost' lines will be available, together with his new web page. The new collection is composed of 100 designs, priced at €60 to €450 each. This project shares adventure with 'Karl Lagerfeld Paris', a Pret-a-Porter concept. Both start to commercialise on the 25th of January at: karllargerfeld.com

 

For me, most fortunately, am not (yet) exactly suffering too much the hard times, I don't consider however, a shirt, a blouse or a pair of trousers a bargain purchase or 'Low-Cost' goods at that price range. I know many people, many, have to work hard full time to earn that sum with which to support their family and pay for all basic necessities.

Tags: population, spain, fashion

Prev: 28th Oct 2011 The Man With 533 Children

28th Oct 2011 The Man With 533 Children

28th Oct 2011 The Man With 533 Children

The Canadian Film Director, Ken Scott, has just shown his latest film 'Starbuck', presented in the International Week of Valladolid, Spain. The comedy tells about a evergreen Peter Pan of 42 years who discovered that he is the biological father of 533 children, direct consequence of having passing his youth donating sperm in a fertility clinic, all for money.

Hollywood already has it's eye fixed on the comedy to produce a 'remake' - pretty unusual, as most remakes are done years or even decades later. But the director, wise and shrew, wants first of all to première the film in as many countries as possible before selling it's right to the US market.

Knowing Hollywood, it's easy to guess that Adam Sandler stands a good chance to get a lot of ballot for the part of the prolific professional father with complex of Peter Pan. However, I think the star of 'Big children' is far from the height of Patrick Huard, who played the character of the original film: a mature man with little ambition in life, who works in his father butchery delivering meat; the best thing one could say about him is 'disastrous'.

Father of 3, Ken Scott has been turning the idea in his head to write a script on paternity. It was at first about a man who has a great number of children and, intending it to be a comedy, 150. But while he was writing the story, a true life version was reported in the news, that a man in the US was the biological father of 500 children. That news made him re-plan his script, topping the truth to be even more sensational, 533!

The film starts off with the descendants imposing a demand to verify the father of them all. Such a beginning is as bizarre as appetizing. As it goes on, it dilutes the tone of fury with honey and sugar, and ends with lots of sweet sentiment.

It's really a homage to fathers. Just 10 years ago, it's unthinkable that a man would take a whole year's leave to care for his children. In future, it's likely that films would talk less about absent fathers, but those with too much and too often their presence.

Another thing, a Hollywood production will be very different, amongst other reasons, the money. The original was made with a small and limited budget. Generally, if money is scarce, the more creative one has to be; often produces better results.

Tags: peterpan, prolificfather

Prev: 27th Oct 2011 Blogs, Friends & Me

27th Oct 2011 Blogs, Friends And Me

Someone gave me some unsolicited advice yesterday, with good intention no doubt, that: 

1): If I want to be more popular in a social site, like Multiply, I should be less choosy and accept more invitations (my Inbox on Multiply informed me today there are 141 invitations pending), and: 

 

2) Don't post newsy Blogs (which I usually titled News Tip-Bits), because nowadays, most people if not everybody, are up to the minute with what's happening just about anywhere in the world; not with the media reporting forced down your throat however which way you look.

This someone is wrong, well wrong in the sense that ...

1) I don't have a profile on Multiply or any other site so as to collect friends like many do as their principal aim. Whenever, though very rarely, I find someone I consider a 'Friend' instead of just a name, and am also taken as such, I am over the moon. Quantity of anything, material or intangible, is never my priority; quality is.

2) I don't 'write' news, but yes, I pick up the news and write it down my own way as an observer and, definitely not with the purpose of informing others what's happening and where. My Blogs to me serve as sort of a brief record of my life and my world where certain things happen while I am doing this or that. What is generally deemed as trivial or totally lack of news value might, to me, be something I wish to remember. In addition ...

 

3) I do not write for others, or with even with the hope to interest others; I write purely for myself. Should a small part of what I write did interest somebody, the more gratifying for me; an unexpected bonus.

 

Tags: blogs, friends, news

Prev: 26th Oct 2011 Photo Stories This Week - A Strange World - Strange People Rather!

26th Oct 2011 Photo Stories This Week - A Strange World - Strange People Rather!

Tags: strangeworld, strangepeople

Prev: 26th Oct 2011 Wisdom & Random Thoughts Of Today

26th Oct 2011 Wisdom & Random Thoughts Of Today

The concentration and dedication- the intangibles are the deciding factors between who won and who lost.

God gives skill, but not without men's hand: He could not make Antonio Stradivarius's violins without Antonio.

From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.

The word of a gentleman is as good as his bond; and sometimes better.

The physician can bury his mistakes, but the architect can only

advice his clients to plant vines.

There are moments when everything goes well, but don't be frightened.

Wisdom often comes alone through suffering.

Failure does not count. If you accept this, you'll be successful. What causes most people to fail is that after one failure, they stop trying.

The only people who never fail are those who never try.

Socialists think profits are a vice; I consider losses the real vice.

The most exciting happiness is the happiness generated by forces beyond your control.

The only practice that's now constant is the practice of constantly

accommodating to changes.

 

Tags: thougtsofday, wisdom

Prev: 26th Oct 2011 Giggles - The Succinct Humour Of The Jewish

26th Oct 2011 Giggles - The Succinct Humour Of The Jewish

Amongst nationally characteristic humour, I especially enjoy the British and Jewish. I hope that you will find the tone of the following sweet and funny rather than offensive.

** A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, 'Are you comfortable?'

The man says, 'I make a good living.'

** I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

** I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me!

** Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.

** We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

** My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night, only this time I stayed in the loo and cried.

** She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

** The Doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.

** The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, 'Mrs. Cohen, your cheque came back.

Mrs. Cohen answered, 'So did my arthritis!'

** Doctor: You'll live to be 60.

Patient: I AM 60.

Doctor: See! What did I tell you?

Tags: jewishhumour

Prev: 25th Oct 2011 A Filthy Spectacle - The Parisian Morgue

25th Oct 2011 A Filthy Spectacle - The Parisian Morgue

At the end of the 19th century, the Morgue in Paris was an attraction for the citizens. Anonymous bodies of all those died in violent circumstances were exhibited, also those who nobody wishing to bury them. The reason was plausible, that in this way it might facilitate their identification.

They were shown in a room on low level, leaning on a panel slightly sloping, so that the bodies and faces could be seen better. On the floor above it, through a plated glass, the Parisians observed the still and silent spectacle. Finally, beyond the original & official intention, the Morgue was converted into a place of festive pilgrimage. The entrance was free and many citizens of all ages, converted the contemplation into entertainment, certainly grim and ghoulish. It had nothing to do with discovering who these dead people were behind their death white and unknown faces, but attending a certain theatrical presentation of mysterious deaths, a shared festive ceremony.

 

This French morgue has now been moved to Misrata, the antique installation of a meat market, where the remains of Cadafi now laid on a bloody & filthy mattress. The spectacle centres on displaying the undeniable fact of his death. People know who he was and wish to smell his decomposition, certifying with a photo that it was justice where the Monster is converting the beholders into monsters also.

Tags: morgue, spectacle

Prev: 25th Oct 2011 Happy Halloween

25th Oct 2011 Happy Halloween!

This Halloween card is one of the best in my opinion. Just watch the way the little ghost reacts to it's own reflection in the lake ... it makes me giggle! A perfect match for the wonderful spooky music of The Sorcerer's Apprentice, by Paul Dukas.

And to cap it all, at the end there's a brilliant puzzle to keep the young and not so young entertained.

Happy Halloween Everyone!

Just click :

http://www.jacquielawson.com/viewcard.asp?code=3005532831673&source=jl999

MoiMoii

Tags: halloweencard

Prev: 25th Oct 2011 Bad, Shameful & Sinful Breasts

25th Oct 2011 Bad, Shameful & Sinful Breasts

One shouldn't show, shouldn't look, shouldn't touch ... That must have been how it appear to the church of Alella, Spain, forbids just hours before the moment of inauguration of an exhibition, with everything arranged and ready to open to the public, in the rented space of that parish.

It was considered unpardonable sin, the 30 beautiful photographs in the exhibit titled: 'El Pit Al Descobert' (The Naked Breasts). The photographs show the evolution of time of women and their breasts, elegant and subtle, the traces of developing cancer.

 

It is organised and dedicated to the sensibility and prevention of such an awful sickness. The objection of argument brandished was the supposed impact caused by nude breasts on children. Taking into consideration that these children live surrounded of naked breasts practically daily, on the beaches, in the media and mostly likely even in their own homes; the explanation sounds more like an excuse of the Catholic church, which still considers woman's breasts as object of shame and source of sin.

Being woman, I can't help feeling that our gender is still wrapped as tabu, sex is bad, our body is bad but, more than that, I feel insulted. Have they forgotten that God created woman?

 

Tags: nakedbreasts

Prev: 25th Oct 2011 Giggles - Senior & Not So Senior Moments

25th Oct 2011 Giggles - Senior & Not So Senior Moments

I have learned that the expression senior moment was apparently coined in America in the mid-nineties, but has become more widely used in the UK during the past couple of years.

Originating with specific reference to seniors or senior citizens - people aged sixty and over - it has now entered more general use and can be applied in any situation where someone experiences a momentary lapse of memory, regardless of their age.

The term highlights the idea that our brains simply weren't built to cope with the information overload and stress generated by life in the 21st century. An absent-minded activity, like putting your furniture polish in the fridge or your prepared casserole in the cupboard, can also be referred to as a senior moment.

What's For Dinner? ~

A housewife once put the roast beef in the top oven, of a two oven cooker, set the timer for the bottom oven and went out shopping expecting, on her return, a cooked joint of meat ... No. Baked beans on toast were the order of that day!

 

Archie's Dilemma ~

 

Archie, aged 88, has a problem with his house. It has two stories. It has stairs. When he use the stairs, Archie stops midway to catch his breath. His main problem is that, when he is ready to start again, Archie is unable to remember whether he was going upstairs or downstairs.

Old Hat ~

 

A letter to a national UK newspaper in the 1950's declared: 'My grandfather, who is 87, has been converted to nudism. He sits all day long in the greenhouse without a stitch on except for his hat. When I asked him what he wants with a hat on if he's a nudist.

He hits out at me with his walking stick and hollers, "Because I'm bald"

 

A Hand for the Bishop ~

 

In his later life, a former Bishop of Lincoln, UK, found himself having difficulty rising from a park bench where he had stopped to take the weight off his feet. After struggling ineffectively, he was delighted when a little girl offered a helping hand.

'That's very kind of you my dear,' he told her, 'But are you really strong enough?'

'Oh yes, the child retorted, 'I've often helped my daddy when he was much drunker than you.'

 

Tags: dilemma, seniormoments

Prev: 24th Oct 2011 Parts Of My Body Were Stolen ...

24th Oct 2011 Parts Of My Body Were Stolen ...

Open letter from Ms Peggy Legg

This is an explanation to those friends and family who have experienced mysterious switches of their body parts. This effect is especially noticeable in January.

You may have read of the the scare story about the man whose kidneys were stolen while he was passed out. Well, read on. While the kidney story was an urban myth, my story is true - it occurs to me practically every day.

My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. It was just that quick. I went to sleep in my body and woke up with someone else's thighs.

The new ones had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Who would have done such a cruel thing to legs that had been mine for years? Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans and Sheer Energy pantyhose.

Then, just when my guard was down, the thieves struck again. My butt was next. I know it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear end (although badly attached at least three inches lower than my original) to the thighs they stuck me with earlier. Now, my rear end complimented my legs, lump for lump. Frantic, I prayed that long skirts would stay in fashion.

It was two years ago when I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was fixing my hair and I watched horrified but fascinated as the flesh of my upper arms swung to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary. My body was being replaced one section at a time. How clever and fiendish.

Age? Age had nothing to do with it. Age is supposed to reap, unnoticed, something like maturity. NO, I was being attacked repeatedly and without warning. In despair I gave up my T-shirts. What could they do to me next? My poor neck disappeared more quickly than the Thanksgiving turkey it now resembled. That's why I decided to tell my story. I can't take on the medical profession by myself.

Women of the world, wake up and smell the coffee. That really isn't plastic that those surgeons are using. You KNOW where they are getting those replacement part, don't you? The next time you suspect someone has had a face "lifted", look again. Was it lifted from you? I think I finally found my thighs ... and I hope Cindy Crawford paid a really good price for them!

This is not a hoax. This is happening to women in every town every night. 

WARN YOUR FRIENDS.

Your alarmed

Peggy Legg

Tags: bodyparts, theft

Prev: '24th Oct 2011 There's Life In Imperfection