Wiseguys' Oneliners On Marriage

** You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

** The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it.

** Any husband who says. "My wife and I are completely equal partners," is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge.

** I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewellery.

** Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.

** My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

** My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

** A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

** I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

** I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There's water in the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake."

** Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

Tags:Wiseguys,Oneliners,Marriage

• Current Mood: amused

Man, Wife, Cookies

An elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite Italian anisette sprinkle cookies wafting up the stairs. Gathering his remaining strength, he lifted himself from the bed.

Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands he crawled downstairs. With laboured breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Where if not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favourite anisette sprinkled cookies.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted Italian wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life.

The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife ...

"Back off!" she said, "They're for the funeral.".

Tags:Man,Woman,Cookies

• Current Mood: amused

A Red-Neck Love Poem

A Redneck Love Poem

SUSIE LEE DONE FELL IN LOVE,
SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE.

SHE WAS SO HAPPY 'BOUT IT ALL,

SHE TOLD HER PAPPY SO.

PAPPY TOLD HER, SUSIE GAL,

YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER.

I'D JUST AS SOON YO' MA DON'T KNOW,

BUT JOE IS YO' HALF BROTHER.

SO SUSIE PUT ASIDE HER JOE

AND PLANNED TO MARRY WILL.

BUT AFTER TELLING PAPPY THIS,

HE SAID, 'THERE'S TROUBLE STILL.

YOU CAN'T MARRY WILL, MY GAL,

AND PLEASE DON'T TELL YO' MOTHER.

BUT WILL AND JOE, AND SEVERAL MO'

I KNOW IS YO' HALF BROTHER.

BUT MAMA KNEW AND SAID, MY CHILD,

JUST DO WHAT MAKES YO HAPPY.

MARRY WILL OR MARRY JOE;

YOU AIN'T NO KIN TO PAPPY.

BRINGS A TEAR TO YER EYE, DON'T IT?

Tags: lovepoem

• Current Mood: amused

The Ordinary & The Extraordinary

The news media tell us ordinary things famous people do - their vacations, careers, love affairs, a new hairdo, or some silly remark they made ... Never or rarely mentioned are the extraordinary things ordinary people do.

Things like a badly paid sales attendant in a huge department store, seeing to your needs patiently at a minute before closing time, or the taxi driver who told you that you had paid him more than what's marked on the meter, or a public servant that actually and smilingly serve! The ones step aside to let you pass, those who wait quietly in the queue even when there are no guards or police watching. Or the ones who bent down to pick up the scattered items for you when you drop the shopping bag, or the one who escorts an old lady to cross a busy road.

These ordinary people remain faceless and nameless, unsung heroes, with the only compensation of that satisfaction one feels, having done something one should, being useful or helpful to somebody, even just for a brief moment.

Have you done something today that makes yourself or other people happy?

Tags:ordinary,extraordinary,unsungheros

• Current Mood: awake

The Land That Made Me 'ME'

I think for people from 50 upwards would definitely appreciate this poem. If you are only 20 years old or there about's, you will learn a thing or two of the not too distant past. It's part of the history presented to you in a humorous way.

The land that made me 'Me' (Author unknown)

*****************************************************

Long ago and far away, in a land that time forgot,

Before the days of Dylan, or the dawn of Camelot,

There lived a race of innocents, and they were you and me.

For Ike was in the White House in that land where we were born,

Where navels were for oranges, and Peyton Place was porn.

We learned to gut a muffler, we washed our hair at dawn,

We spread our crinolines to dry in circles on the lawn.

We longed for love and romance, and waited for our Prince,

And Eddie Fisher married Liz, and no one's seen him since.

We danced to 'Little Darlin,' and sang to 'Stagger Lee'

And cried for Buddy Holly in the Land That Made Me 'Me'.

Only girls wore earrings then, and 3 was one too many,

And only boys wore flat-top cuts, except for Jean McKinney.

And only in our wildest dreams did we expect to see

A boy named George with lipstick, in the Land That Made Me 'Me'.

We fell for Frankie Avalon, Annette was oh, so nice,

And when they made a movie, they never made it twice.

We didn't have a Star Trek Five, or Psycho Two and Three,

Or Rocky-Rambo twenty in the Land That Made Me 'Me'.

Miss Kitty had a heart of gold, and Chester had a limp,

And Reagan was a Democrat whose co-star was a chimp.

We had a Mr. Wizard, but not a Mr. T,

And Oprah couldn't talk yet, in the Land That Made Me 'Me'.

We had our share of heroes, we never thought they'd go,

At least not Bobby Darin, or Marilyn Monroe.

For youth was still eternal, and life was yet to be,

And Elvis was forever in the Land That Made Me 'Me'.

We'd never seen the rock band that was Grateful to be Dead,

And Airplanes weren't named Jefferson, and Zeppelins were not Led.

And Beatles lived in gardens then, and Monkeys lived in trees,

Madonna was a virgin in the Land That Made Me 'Me'.

We'd never heard of microwaves, or telephones in cars,

And babies might be bottle-fed, but they weren't grown in jars.

And pumping iron got wrinkles out, and 'gay' meant fancy-free,

And dorms were never coed in the Land That Made Me 'Me'.

We hadn't seen enough of jets to talk about the lag,

And microchips were what was left at the bottom of the bag.

And Hardware was a box of nails, and bytes came from a flea,

And rocket ships were fiction in the Land That Made Me 'Me'.

Bucks came with portholes, and side shows came with freaks,

And bathing suits came big enough to cover both your cheeks.

And Coke came just in bottles, and skirts below the knee,

And Castro came to power near the Land That Made Me 'Me'.

We had no Crest with Fluoride, we had no Hill Street Blues,

We had no patterned pantyhose or Lipton Herbal tea,

Or prime-time ads for condoms in the Land That Made Me 'Me'.

There were no golden arches, no Perrier to chill,

And fish were not called Wanda, and cats were not called Bill.

And middle-aged was 35 and old was forty-three,

And ancient were our parents in the Land That Made Me 'Me'.

But all things have a season, or so we've heard them say,

And now instead of Maybelline we swear by Retin-A.

They send us invitations to join AARP,

We've come a long way, baby, from the Land That Made Me 'Me'.

So now we face a brave new world in slightly larger jeans,

And wonder why they're using smaller print in magazines.

And we tell our children's children of the way it used to be,

Long ago and far away in the Land That Made Me 'Me'.

Tags: poem,land,me

• Current Mood: accomplished

Diamond Soup, Anyone?

The hottest news today seems to be the very eye-catching sum of alimony the ex-president Berlusconi agrees to pay his 2nd ex-wife Veronica Lario, 3 million Euros, Every Month!!!

I normally pay little or no attention at all to over sensational or scandalous gossipy news, but my mind can't help turning fast & furious thinking how this sum, just one single payment, would probably feed every hungry African, their medical care & medicine, the education of the young and adequate care for the old for a whole month. 

 

On the contrary, what would a woman do to be even able to spend that much on herself? Not to mention there are more to come when the agreement is reached, about the sharing or dividing the economic benefit from the Fininvest Group.

I did a little calculation: that income means she has in her disposal (and he to give) the sum of 100,000 € per day; 4,000 € per hour, including the night hours when she is asleep.

If I were to have that much income each month (not that I would or ever will not even in my wildest dreams), it would be, to me, like a weighty obligation to complete however hard and extravagantly I try. It's just impossible, a troublesome burden. Disregarding what people might interpret what I said being simply 'sour grape', I honestly feel the offer of this monthly sum, and the readiness of Veronica to receive it. Obscene.

The ex-president could not have earned that sum as his salary could he? And what can any woman do with that much every month? Grind down diamonds to make soup?

Tags:Alimony,Africa,DiamondSoup

• Current Mood: bitchy

The Dutchess With The Sexiest Lips

A survey carried out by a British company of products to protect and embellish women's lips, had published their final report with 2 lists: The most beautiful and the ugliest feminine lips. - You would have thought they could have been a bit more charitable, or diplomatic, as not to use the term 'the ugliest' surely? The winners were judged and chosen amongst 3,000 women.

The British actress, Keira Knightley, tops the list of having the most beautiful and sexiest lips, pushing Angelina Jolie to the 2nd place, followed by the Australian singer Kylie Minogue; her open and broad smile seemed to have won over Scarlett Johansson's somewhat timid one, placing her in the 4th place.

I am rather glad about this; hopefully less women would now seek surgery to acquire Jolie's ultra thick and protruding lips, more goldfish like than sexy in my personal opinion. As actress she is okay, but never her lips!! But many other women obviously like it judging by the sudden appearances of so many thick lips around, especially on the screen, after Jolie first acquired her fame. Almost more for her unusually fleshy lips than for her artistic merit. Wonder what men think about that?

Keira Knightley's recognised beauty title came exactly the most opportune time, to further promote her then new film, 'The Duchess' worldwide première. A historic version of modern day Lady Di at the end of the 18th century, famous for her beauty, charm, extravagant tastes in luxury, and her appetite for sex and games.

I will not list the winners of the 2nd list as I prefer to be a little more discreet, and discrete, than the cosmetic firm, the organizers, judges and publicity team. Except to just name a very curious result - Victoria Beckham was in 5th place on both lists - the most beautiful and the ugliest !!! Now, You figure that out; if you really think such survey, and many others, actually represent true facts, figures or value in any way.

Tags: sexylips, survey, duchess

• Current Mood: blah

The Book That Never Existed

One of the scenes in the popular TV programme 'Sex in New York City' showed Carrie Bradshaw (Sarah Jessica Parker) read to Big (Christ North) fragments of love letters, extracts of a book, 'Love Letters Of Great Men', to demonstrate that great men in the history (Napoleon, Beethoven, Lord Byron ...) were capable of expressing their love sentiments without reserve or shame.

Immediately after the showing of that episode, the book-stores received thousands of orders for this book ... which didn't exist. The web-sites of publishers and searchers too were inundated with requests to help find it. There were a few books with more or less the same title, but people wanted 'that one', the same one appeared in the film, a small detail that editors didn't know how to play with, one they did have catalogued, the work collected in 1920 by C.H. Charles, titled: ' Love letters of great men and women - from the 18th century to the present day'.

In the history of literature, there had been a lot of imaginary books - neither Borges nor Lovecraft were the first to play with fictitious books - but this might be the first case where a fictional character was the editor of a book in which appeared letters that the film had referred to, written by great men, but not precisely great letters.

Why the very modern lady in the film cited love letters anyway? Even in 1920, C.H.Charles said that the youngsters of new motos, chewing gum and cinema, were too busy to write love letters (in 1920? I thought young people in that era lived to write them!). And somebody else said: "Love is no more than a game of fancy and vanity" Beethoven took it very seriously though. In his letter to his beloved, Antoine Brentano (?), he ended the letter writing:

'Eternally yours, Eternally mine, Eternally ours.'

Hollywood being Hollywood, I wouldn't be at all surprised that they have already had the thinking cap on and seeing the cash-machine turning, commissioning some screen writer to turn out such a volume of love letters, allegedly written by some great men. Not often there's millions of readers waiting to buy a book not yet written. After all, business is business.

Tags:

Tags:Loveletters,UnwrittenBook

• Current Mood: amused

Amusing Classified Ads

Cute classified ads found on newspaper:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old. Hateful little bastard. Bites!

FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.

FREE PUPPIES:
Mother, AKC German Shepherd.

Father, Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG.

Looks like a rat. Been out a while.
Better be a big reward.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.

Also 1 gay bull for sale.

NORDIC TRACK $300
Hardly used, call Chubby.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer $300.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE
Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie.

FOR SALE BY OWNER:
Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica,
45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer.

No longer needed. Got married last month.
Wife knows everything.

Tags: giggles, classifiedads

• Current Mood: amused

Entertainment Tip-Bits Old & New

** A rather unusual documentary ~

It's titled 'Pekin Express', was showing on Spanish TV4, subtitled ' From Moscow to Pekin, on one Euro A Day'

A group of people composed between the ages of 19 to 54, started their journey from Moscow to arrive at Pekin, and each participant was given one Euro a day, which was not allowed to spend on transport or accommodation. They had no money at all, no credit cards or any other financial means, except for the daily 1€. Each group member was provided with a compass, a map, a knapsack and nothing else.

This contest was directed by Paula Vazquez and produced by Boomerang. The director of Atenna 4, Fernando Jerez, said of it as a programme that generates "spectacular emotions". The mechanical part of this programme was very simple: these people would walk the distance of 10,000 kilometres separating Moscow and Pekin, with nothing more than their purpose, determination and strength, and their one € a day.
The total trip was divided in 12 stages, each lasting 3 days.

They were closely followed by the television production team constantly, and be witnesses too to their triumph or failure.

** A refreshing concept ~

While in England, the British regulator of publicity prohibited some while ago 2 posters of the film, 'Wanted' starred Angelina Jolie to continue exhibiting in public all over the city. It was considered 'glamorising violence and the use of arms'.

In one the posters, the alluring Jolie was shown with knife and gun in hand, with the other actor James McAvoy aiming with 2 pistols, one in each hand. The other poster showed several scenes with both actors armed to the teeth and the writing across the front: " 6 weeks ago I was like you, then I met her and my life changed forever ". Still the same format then: glamour, sex, violence, ingredients that sell just about anything in today's market.

Tags:Documentary,Moscow,Pekin,Wanted

• Current Mood: awake

Very Strange Story Of Cigars

A man from Charlotte, North Carolina, having purchased a case of very expensive cigars, insured them against, among other things, fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile, the man filed a claim against the insurance company, stating that the cigars were lost 'in a series of small fires'.

The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The man sued – and won.

In delivering the ruling the judge, agreeing that the claim was frivolous, stated nevertheless that the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable. and also guaranteed that it would insure against fire, without defining what it considered to be 'unacceptable fire', and was obliged to pay the claim. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he had lost 'in the fires'.

After he cashed the cheque, however, the company had him arrested on 24 counts of arson. With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

It could only happen in America, that's all I can say - apart from 'Damn ridiculous, the lot of them'

Tags:Cigars,Fire,Insurance

• Current Mood: cynical

Sport & Plastic With Grace

It was quite unimaginable, 25 years ago, the novel idea of the prestigious firm Swatch, incorporating plastic for the production of their watches. It wouldn't go down well at all with their high profile long and well established.

Today, nobody could doubt the efficiency of this humble material, at that time made the watchmakers and designers shaking their heads incredulously. It has since become indispensable material now, especially for their more sporty lines.

The genius idea came from NIcholas G. Hayek, at present the ministration and delegated consultant of the Swatch group. To celebrate their 25th anniversary Swatch launched a new line of sports watches, made of plastic of course, denominated Chrono Plastic Collection. There are 6 newly designed models, of black and white, or with rubber face and strap, in orange, yellow or turquoise blue, that incorporated to the more than 6 million different models they had put on the market during these 25 years. Quite an astounding number of watches don't you think?

This collection is inspired in the free-running or Parkour, a new practice in which one runs round the city route overcoming pre-set obstacles in the fastest time possible; not just that, but the most graceful way and with harmonious movements. I think I could manage these requirements minus the running bit!!!

This new sport is oblivious of social class, ethic or sex origin, the objective of Swatch to diffuse and spread with the new collection of watches. Okay, all that is understood. The trick is how to run very fast and looking graceful at the same time?

Tags:Sport,Plastic,Watch

Tags:

• Current Mood: artistic

Recorded Conversation On Tech Support

This ought to make you feel better about your computer skills! If you skip any, you have to read the last one! Unbelievable, but supposedly all true!!!!

=================================
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...
===============
Customer: Hi, this is Maureen. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No, wait a minute ... I hadn't inserted it yet ... it's still on my desk ... sorry ...
==============
Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen.

Customer: Your left or my left?
===============
Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello ... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on 'start' for me and ...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.
===============
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try,

it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it

in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it ...
==============
Customer: I have problems printing in red ...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah ... thank you.
===============
Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me.
===============
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK.
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes.
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in.

Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah ... that one does work ...
===============
Tech support: Your password is the small letter 'a' as in apple, a capital letter V

as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
================
Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Six stars.
===============
Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry ... Internet Explorer.
===============
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver

on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
===============
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address,

but how do I get the circle around it?
===============
A woman customer called the Canon help desk re. a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: 'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point.

The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window,

and his printer is working fine.'
===============
Tech support: 'Okay Colin, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen.

Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.'
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Colin.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: 'P'... on your keyboard, Colin.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!

Tags:Conversation,TechSupport

• Current Mood: amused

The Eternal Question - Why?

** Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?

** Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

** Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

** Why don't we ever see this headline: "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

** Why is the man who invests all your money called a "Broker"?

** Why isn't there mouse flavoured cat food?

** Who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavour?

** Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

** Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

** Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

** Why do they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?

** If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

** If people from Poland are called 'Poles', why aren't people from Holland called 'Holes?'

** Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack, anyway?

** Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

** If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

** Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn't they be wearing nightgowns?

** If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

** When someone asks you, 'A penny for your thoughts, 'and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

Tag:Why?

• Current Mood: amused

Rather Funny Sports Quotes

** New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season, "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."

** Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh, "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."

** "Shaquille O'Neal [basketball] on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece, "I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."

** Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach, "You guys line up alphabetically by height." And "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."

** Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota, "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."

** Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice, "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."

** Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player, "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'

** Oiler coach, Bum Phillips, when asked by Bob Cost why he takes his wife on all road trips, Phillips responded, "Because she is too damn ugly to kiss good-bye!"

Tags: Sports,Sportsmen

• Current Mood: amused

If I Had My Life To Live Over ..

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma Bombeck

(Written after she found out she was dying from cancer. She lost the battle but she left wise words for us all to celebrate life).

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer DA y because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, 'Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.' There would have been more 'I love you's', More 'I'm sorry's.'

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute..look at it and really see it. Live it and never give it back. STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!!!

Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what. Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us.

HAVE A GREAT DAY ... LIFE IS NOT A REHEARSAL!!!

Tags:Life,Wisdom,Cancer

• Current Mood: contemplative

The Wonder Of The Word 'UP'

There is a two-letter word in English that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is UP! It is listed in the dictionary as being used as an [adv], [prep], [adj], [n] or [v].

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake Up? We call UP our friends and we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and cleanUP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP, and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?

At other times the little word has a real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

And this UP is often confusing:

A drain must be penned UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets UP the earth. When it does not rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on & on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now ... my time is UP, so time to shut UP!

Don't screw UP. Send this on to everyone you look UP in your address book. Now I'll shut up!

Tag:Word,UP

• Current Mood: accomplished