Gift Of Life - A Miracle

Continuing with my feeble effort of saving a few of my old posts (the rest I let them die with Multiply), I came across this, very old indeed, posted as a review on 29 Nov 2008. This article I wrote is precious to me, and I thought that some of you might not have been aware of it at the time; that life is so very precious even an unborn baby had the instinct of grabbing it ...

The Above picture began circulating in November. It should be 'The Picture of the Year,' or perhaps, 'Picture of the Decade.' It won't be. In fact, unless you obtained a copy of the US paper which published it, you probably would never have seen it.

The picture is that of a 21-week-old unborn baby named Samuel Alexander Armas, who is being operated on by surgeon named Joseph Bruner.

The baby was diagnosed with spina bifida and would not survive if removed from his mother' S womb. Little Samuel's mother, Julie Armas, is an obstetrics nurse in Atlanta . She knew of Dr Bruner's remarkable surgical procedure. Practicing at Vanderbilt Univ Med Ctr in Nashville , he performs these special operations while the baby is still in the womb.

During the procedure, the doctor removes the uterus via C-section and makes a small incision to operate on the baby. As Dr Bruner completed the surgery on Samuel, the little guy reached his tiny, but fully developed hand through the incision and firmly grasped the surgeon's finger. Dr Bruner was reported as saying that when his finger was grasped, it was the most emotional moment of his life, and that for an instant during the procedure he was just frozen, totally immobile.

The photograph captures this amazing event with perfect clarity The editors titled the picture, 'Hand of Hope.' The text explaining the picture begins, 'The tiny hand of 21-week-old fetus Samuel Alexander Armas emerges from the mother's uterus to grasp the finger of Dr Joseph Bruner as if thanking the doctor for the gift of life.'

Little Samuel's mother said they 'wept for days' when they saw the picture. She said, 'The photo reminds us pregnancy isn't about disability or an illness, it's about a little person.'Samuel was born in perfect health, the operation 100 percent successful.

Tags:Miracle,Life

• Current Mood: accomplished

The Blonde & The Upturn

A Blonde walked up to the information desk in a hospital
and asked to see the 'upturn.'

"I think, you mean the 'intern,' don't you?"
asked the nurse on duty. "Yes," said the girl.
"I want to have a 'contamination.'"

"You mean 'examination', " the nurse corrected her.
"Well I want to go to the 'fraternity ward,' anyway."

"I am sure you mean the maternity ward."
To which the girl replied impatiently:

"Upturn, intern; contamination, examination;

fraternity, maternity ... What's the difference?

All I know is I haven't demonstrated

in two months, and I think I'm stagnant."

Tags: Inturn,Upturn

• Current Mood: amused

Good News, Bad News, Worst News

Bob gets a call from his doctor with

the results of his blood test.
"I've got bad news and worse news,"

says the doctor.
"The bad news is that you've

only got 24 hours to live."
"Oh no!" says Bob. "That's terrible,

how can it get any worse than that?"
"I've been trying to reach you since yesterday."

Two old guys wonder if there's baseball in
Heaven, and promise each other that the first
to die will somehow let the other know. A week
later one of them dies. And a week after that,

his friend recognizes his voice

coming from the clouds.
"Joe, I've got some good news and some
bad news," the disembodied voice reports.
"The good news is that there is a baseball team
in Heaven'. The bad news is that ...

you're pitching on Friday.

A man with a worried look on his face ran into
a clinic and asked the doctor if he knew a way
to stop the hiccups. Without any warning, the
Doctor slapped him in the face. Amazed and angry, the young man demanded the doctor to explain his unusual behavior.

"Well," said the doctor,
"You don't have the hiccups now, do you?"
"No," answered the young man, but my
wife out in the car still does!"

Tags:Baseball,BooodTest

Eleven People On A Rope

Eleven people were hanging on a rope, under a helicopter.10 men and 1 woman.

The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall. They weren't able to choose that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech.

She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return.

As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping ... 

Tags:Woman,Helicopter

To A Stranger Who Is A Friend ...

** Unseen Friend **

Although you are a friend of mine
and letters we exchange,
I wouldn't know you on the street,
and doesn't that seem strange?

You hold a place within my life,
unusual and unique;
We share ideals and special dreams,
and still, we do not speak.

I picture what I think you are,
perhaps you picture me.
An intriguing puzzle for both of us
for someone we can't see.

So for this friendship we possess,
we owe this mail a debt,
Perhaps the charm lies in the fact
that we have never met.

 

Tag:UnseenFriend

Football Players? Football Players!!!

Who started that rumour that football players are all muscle & no brain?

** Answering the above question **

A football coach walked into the changing room before a game. He looked over to his new signing and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed arithmetic, but we need you to be in the team. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right then you will be allowed to play."

The player agreed, so coach looked into his eyes intently and asked, "Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this. What is two plus two?"

The player thought for a moment and then answered, "4?"

"Did you say 4?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he had got it correct.

Suddenly all the other players on the team began shouting..., "Come on coach, give him another chance!"

** The Empty Seat **

Bernie and Eddie were fortunate enough to have a season ticket to watch Manchester United. They could not help noticing that there was always a spare seat next (K37) to them and they had a friend who would love to buy a season ticket, especially if all three could have seats together.

One half-time Bernie went to the ticket office and asked if they could by buy the season ticket for K37. The official said that unfortunately the ticket had been sold. Nevertheless, week after week the seat was still empty.

Then on Boxing day, much to Bernie and Eddie's amazement the seat was taken for the first time that season. Eddie could not resist asking the newcomer, 'Where have you been all season?'.

Don't ask he said, 'The wife bought the season ticket back last summer, and kept it for a surprise Christmas present.'

** A Dedicated Fan **

Michael was watching the derby game between Manchester United and Liverpool; Old Trafford was packed and there was only one empty seat - next to Michael.

'Who does that seat belong to?' asked the person in the next seat.

'My wife usually sits there.' Michael replied

'But why isn't she here?' the neighbour persisted

'She died.' Said Michael in a matter-of-fact tone.

'So why didn't you give the ticket to one of your mates?'

'They've all gone to the funeral.' Said Michael.

Tags: Brain Muscle Fan

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What's Your Job Like?

Q. How's your job at the clock company?

A. Only time will tell.

Q. How's your job at the banana company?

A. I keep slipping up.

Q. How's your job on the new highway?

A. I'm so busy I don't know which way to turn.

Q. How's your job at the travel agency?

A. I'm going nowhere.

Q. How's your job at the swivel chair company?

A. It makes my head spin!

Q. How's your job at the lemon juice company?

A. I've had bitter jobs.

Q. How's your job at the pie company?

A. It didn't pan out.

Q. How's your job at the balloon factory?

A. We can't keep up with inflation.

Q. How's your job at the crystal ball company?

A. I'm making a fortune.

Q. How's your job at the history book company?

A. There's no future in it.

Q. How's your job at the clock company?

A. I'm having second thoughts about it.

Q. How's your job on the farm?

A. Problems keep cropping up.

Q. How's your job at the sewing shop?

A. Hanging on by a thread.

Q. How's your job at the eye glasses clinic?

A. I have clear job objectives.

Tag: JobDefinition

• Current Mood: amused

A Cat Tale

John & his Mrs. were dressed and ready to go out for a Dinner & Theatre evening. They turned on a 'night light', turned the answering machine on, Covered our pet budgie and put the cat in the backyard.

John phoned the local Taxi company and requested a taxi which arrived, and they opened the front door to leave the house. As they walked out the door, the cat they had put out in the yard scooted back into the house.

They didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to get at the budgie. The Mrs walked on out to the taxi, while John went back inside to get the cat. The little devil ran upstairs, with him in hot pursuit.

Waiting in the cab, the Mrs. didn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explained to the taxi driver that her husband would be out soon. 'He's just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother.'

A few minutes later, John got into the cab. 'Sorry I took so long," he said, as they drove away.

'That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her arse with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me.
But it worked!

I hauled her fat arse downstairs and threw her out into the back yard! ... She'd better not shit in the vegetable garden again!

The silence in the Taxi was deafening ... !!!

Tags:EveningOut,Cat,Taxi

• Current Mood: amused

Old Friends

Today is the oldest you've ever been, yet the youngest you'll ever be. Enjoy this day while it lasts.

** Going out is good ... Coming home is better.

** You forget names ... It's okay because other people forget they even knew you!!

** You realize you're never going to be really good at some things ... especially Golf.

** The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do, but you really do care that yTVou don't care to do them anymore.

** You sleep better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than in bed. It's called 'pre-sleep'.

** You miss the days when everything worked with just 'On' and 'Off' switches.

** You tend to use more 4-letter words ... 'What?' ... 'When?' ... 'Sure?'

** Now that you can afford expensive jewellery, it's not safe to wear it anywhere.

** You notice everything they sell in stores is 'sleeveless'?!!!

** What used to be freckles are now liver spots.

** Everybody whispers.

** You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet ... 2 of which you will never wear.

** Take heart, old is good in some things: Old songs, old movies, and best of all, Old Friends.

Stay Well & Happy, Old Friends!

Tags:OldSongs,OldMovies

• Current Mood: cheerful

The Fair Sex

A 4-month term in jail for a man, who has been accused of beating up his live-in girlfriend, was revoked by a court judge, so reported by the media in Spain, on the ground of sex, more precisely, the gender of the victim.

 

The incident began like so many other cases of domestic violence . A woman denounced to the police that her boyfriend beat her up, injuring her face. The police checked out the evidence and the man was arrested. He admitted to have beaten up his girlfriend on the face and was willing to accept punishment.

 

The court judge sentenced him to 4 months in jail, but as the man did not have any antecedence, and the sentence was less than 2 years, this automatically gave him access to the conditional discharge, to observe the ruling that he must not communicate with her by any means, and keep a distance from her at no less than 1000 metres. So far everything normal and near concluding.

 

However, while the police started putting everything on record file, they discovered that the woman's ID number was identical to another, a man's. On further questioning, the woman admitted that she was born a male, had in fact initiated the operation of a sex change, but had not yet terminated the administrative procedures.

 

This contingency was reported immediately and the judge informed the public prosecutor's department and lawyers, that the case was to be annulled, as domestic violence law was to protect the woman. The public prosecution argued that official administrative documents haven't been completed could not be considered the woman in question not a woman, and would not agree to have the case annulled. The judge did anyway and the case was remitted to the ordinary court as a case of fight between 2 men.

 

I know little about law and less about sex change or what should be a fair and just sentence. To me violence is violence, a man hurts as much as a woman when he/she is attacked by someone physically stronger, be the perpetrator or the victim of that violence male or female.

 

Shouldn't the law simply protect any person being attacked by another? What has sex or gender got to do with it?

 

Tags:Sex,Violence,Law

 

Poem - My Sunday Dream

Burning Candles - poem by ssucha

There's this place she was born.

All was sage and bum.

She never worry about her future.

Come what may come.

She ran quick in the streets,

Lightning up her youth.

It gave a lot of heaven,

But all her truth.

Time was burning her candle,

Far too fast too soon.

She never worried about tomorrow,

Or about her air cracked balloon.

Hey little girl I've seen that you're burning your bridges,

Don't you know that boys think of you as just bitches

Taken all dope that might come in handy;

Like just another lost Queen in the pale tale of candy.

Of all those things she's been tasting,

Running like she was blind.

She was cut for a good time

But none she did find.

Always looking for a tomorrow,

Living lost for today.

She just wanted a nice time,

But none ever came her way.

Of all the things she's been doing,

Life was getting kinda rough.

There one day without warning,

She finally had enough.

She lost herself here,

Finally, just like

Another lost Queen,

In the pale tale of Candy.

Tags: poem, Marilyn monroe

Marilyn Monroe, The Poetess

On the first of May I wrote about Marilyn Monroe's new book 'Fragments'. Yes, new, even though it has been now 48 years after her death. It would seem that the most photographed, talked and written about, and the most desired woman and movie star was not as what the world media described and reported. She was a lot more.

The new book scheduled to come out in Oct is not just a compilation of her diaries in which she bared all aspects of her day to day life and intimate thoughts, but included private communications with her psychoanalyst, hand-written letters, receipts, even poems, untouched and unedited since her death. All these materials had been under custody of Anne Strasbery, widow of Lee Strasbery, the man who had influenced her more than anyone else, as her acting professor, mentor, confidant, and most of all, a close friend. Ann was designated as heiress and keeper of his will and would now be edited simultaneously in France, Italy, England and America. In Spain, it's available on bookshelves in Autumn, by Seix Barral. Anne said of her: ' Her writing was sometimes melancholic, but beautiful. In some of the notes one sees an association of ideas, and reflections that are like auto-psychoanalysis of herself. It also showed that she clearly enjoyed writing.  

Elena Ranirez, director of the editorial, explained that the documents have an extraordinary emotional and literary value, especially in her poems and writing, correspondence with the best writers of her time, like Sommerset Maugham, Carson McCullers, Truman Caporte and Norman Mailer, Karen Bilxen, Pier Paolo Pasoline amongst others. It has 250 pages full of the most intimate thoughts of the actress, in reproduction facsimile that lets readers see her own hand-writing, annotations of her study, and correction - from when she was an adolescent till 1062.  It's the 1st ever book in which the real Marilyn, more correctly, Norma Jean, told her own life story, not through a 3rd party. Theeditor Courtney Hodell of Ferrer, Straus and Giroux, summed up that 'She was obviously an avid reader and with great talent to write. There are very beautiful poetry pieces and paragraphs that calls for attention.'

She died at 36, on the 5th of August, 1962, in her home in Los Angeles. 

This was taken at Long Island in 1955. The quality of the picture is poor, but it's one I have never seen before.

Tags: mm, poetess

Marilyn Monroe, The Writer

In October a new publication of the side of Marilyn Monroe few people knew, not even some very close to her, would be in bookshops everywhere, in the edition simultaneously in French, English and Spanish. It's a compilation of poems, annotations of diaries and other written material of Norma Jean Mortenson, much better known worldwide by her artistic name Marilyn Monroe. A name of 'tinkling sound' according to the sharp observation of Carmen Martin Gaite, author of an article in which she compared the actress with Madame Bovary of Flaubert. Both linked together with suicide in their 30's, also, both lives are destined by circumstances and criterions imposed.

The variety of written notes are grouped under the title of 'Fragments' that had led the actress to the theatre director, Lee Strasbery of 'Actors' Studio' and her tutor, in the mid fifties. She wanted to learn more about acting not just being decoration in films.

The original list of notes include writers of 1943 - 1962, before being passed onto the hands of Strasbery's widow, and from her, recently, to a French editor who considered them worthwhile of publication. It's now a question of wait and see, as said by the editors, whether the work actually and factually reveal an unsuspecting streak of the melancholic Marilyn, of whom they labelled as 'great reader' and 'with talent and quality of a writer'. Some accolade.

There's a photo of her in a swimming suit, reading the 'Ulyses of Joyce', in the year before her wedding with the writer Arthur Miller, in 1956. The author of famous works like 'Death of a merchant', said that her most surprising characteristics was her 'absolute, irremediable and sometimes even irritable incapacity to lie.' (that describes me too). When she knew she was pregnant by Tony Curtis, during the filming of 'Some like it hot', she put the 2 men together in one room to inform them of that particular situation.

Perhaps the grouped written record would help those interested parties to understand; if that was not the reason of her 'suicide', nor the chain of events before, or the decadence since. One hypothesis is that during that period, the end of the 50's, she was already not quite herself, Norma Jean, but what the rest of the world had made her. It's too late already.

Marilyn wrote in her autobiography: 'it was the street poetess that had wanted to recite her verses to a multitude who just wanted to tear off her clothes.'

Tags: marilynthewriter

Marilyn, Inside & Out

Julien Auction House will be putting on a public auction, on the 26th and 27th of June in the Casino Planet Hollywood of Las Vegas, some very personal items of Marilyn Monroe, amongst items like photos, 2 blouses, a handbag, a fur coat, umbrella, bank statements, signed cheques and some other personal belongs, is an X-ray of her chest! Taken in 1954 when she was married to baseball star Joe di Maggio (the plate was under the name of Marilyn di Maggio).

Just when you thought every last bit of Marilyn Monroe had been put up for auction, including the crypt above hers at a local cemetery. Julien of Julien's Auctions says the psychiatric couch will be offered too during the Hollywood Legends auction, and is confident that people will want this “ultimate look into the legend.” To prove perhaps that she was beautiful and sexy inside and out?

I get that Marilyn Monroe was like the biggest sex symbol of all time. But how obsessed with her would you have to be to want to buy her chest x-ray? Seems creepy to me, but Yeah, that doesn’t sound stalkerish at all. It's business. In fact, the auction house thinks this chest x-ray, taken while she was undergoing treatment for Endometriosis, will bring in at least 141,000 Euros.

I do think this photo of Marilyn is one of her best, looking happy and so natural. Which part of the house is the best spot though to display this X-Ray Art?

Tags: mmxray

Marilyn's 'New' Flick

Almost half a century after her untimely and tragic death, Marilyn Munroe appears once again in a short amateur film, of 2 and a half minute duration, in 8mm format, showing scenes depicted from the shooting of what had become a timeless classic of her short career, ' Some Like It Hot '.
 
It was made by a marine friend of the star, whose daughter has just put it up for auction in Australia. The starting reserved price was fixed at $20,000.
 
The film shows a sequence in that famous Comedy, made in 1959 in Florida. Tony Curtis and Billy Wilder also featured in the scene.
The film itself, to me anyway, must be the very best of her work as an actress, not just pretty and sexy. I know many people wouldn't agree with me, but I also consider her other comedy 'The Prince and The Showgirl', in which she also showed her talent of being a very good actress. In fact she stole all the scenes from Laurance Olivier.

Tags: Marilyn, Olivier, auction

The Sequel To 'The Last Sitting Of Marilyn

Bert Stein, the photographer who took a series of the most sensuous pictures of Marilyn Monroe in a room of a hotel in 1962, just days before she died. Those photos were later put in his book, 'The Last Sitting', published with his very personal thoughts and comments. He has just presented his demand to claim his right and recognition of his work.

He sold the pictures to the magazine 'Eros', but the originals had never been returned. According to his demand presented on Wednesday to the Tribunal High Court in the state of New York, he never knew the images were lost, until three individuals intended to register / patent the rights of these.
Now he is claiming an indemnification or compensation of 700,000 €. As these last photos of Marilyn Monroe are amongst the most famous and sought after of the much imitated but never equalled actress.

Tags: bert stein, marilyn, compensation

MM, Without Her Curves

I posted a Blog about MM for the "La Diva Marilyn Monroe" group as well as here on my Blog page, on the 22nd of March. Before that I hadn't thought about her for quite some time. But since then I have been thinking of her often. None of the thoughts are new. What more can one say about MM that hasn't been said, written about, shown on films and TV programmes and documentaries thousands of times already?

She and Elvis Presley gave the most illustrative definition of the word immortality. I love Elvis mainly for his music and songs; maybe not even so much the songs but the unique way he sang them. A revolutionary style at the time, all his own, creating the still live and well Rock & Roll. But MM, I just adore her, even with all her defects. There have been hundreds of other women more beautiful, more talented, with shapelier figures, amazing personality ... and many have contributed to even more memorable film works, but MM was more than unique, precisely for the many defects she had, the mistakes she made, the vulnerability, the innocence mixed with a certain wickedness, the child-woman, perfect because she was imperfect.

I picked up the book " The Last Sitting " by Bert Stern again last night, one of those nights when sleep seemed impossible, so I gave up trying and flipped through the pages, which now showing signs of the years it had been sitting amongst other books, also neglected for longer than I could remember. I read this page written by the author/photographer of the book, describing a sitting where he intended to take a very special head shot of MM, being extremely sexy without showing any curves. I like to share this with some of you who might not have come across it before .... And remember, it was in the 80's. Taking a picture then was not as simple and easy as it is today.

Extract from "The Last Sitting"

" ....A lot of pictures I take are not the real picture. They're the picture before the picture, the picture leading up to the picture .... and then I get the picture. I see it through the lens as I am shooting and I know it's the one. Exactly how I see it depends on the camera. On the Nikon and the HasselblaId you are looking right through the lens, so the shutter goes black when the actual picture is taken. On those cameras I don't see the picture itself. I keep shooting right up to that instant when I feel, I know, it's about to happen. Then I pushed the button and on that black space I project the picture. The Rolleiflex

doesn't do that, because it has a twin lens. But then you don't see the picture either, because you are seeing through the upper lens, and the angle is slightly different.

Either way you never see the picture you are taking. At that perfect moment you just have to close your eyes and jump. And when that moment comes, it's a zillionth of a second. It will never be repeated again. It could take all eternity to get it back. You have to grab it.

Looking down on Marilyn, I could see it happening. I was entering that space where everything is silent but the clicking of the strobes.  She was tossing her head, laughing, and her arm was up, like waving good-bye.

I saw what I wanted, I pressed the button, and she was mine. "

Tags: mm, bertstern, cameras, headshot

MM - The Last Sitting

In 1982, I bought a book called " The last Sitting ", by Bert Stern, a world known and the most dynamic photographer of beautiful women. He had a dream, to create a great portrait of Marilyn Monroe, to catch on film her unique quality in one immortal photograph.

Through a Vogue assignment, Stern arranged a meeting with Marilyn, who agreed to sit for him. It was to be the last she ever gave. Six weeks later Marilyn Monroe was dead. But the innocence and the fire that was Marilyn are captured forever in the most ravishing photographs ever taken of the legendary star. These include some of the most famous of her, as well as never-before-published photos from Stern's private collection.

Marilyn posed nude for Stern, the only time she had done so since the famous / infamous calendar shots taken when she was eighteen. The book also tells Stern's own account of what happened then - how the sitting ignited into an extraordinary romance, in which a man and woman made love through the camera's lens. " She was the light, the moon and the gooddess - the mystery and the danger " he wrote.

The incandescent photographs record it all. With Marilyn clothed and unclothed, joyful, playful, wistful, deliciously wanton - a true love goddess.

Stern has been called " the most exciting and controversial photographer of the last quarter of the 20th century " This collector's book, published on the 20th anniversary of Marilyn's death, is Stern's unforgettable tribute to a legend of her time and beyond.

Unfortunately, this book is of a rather large size for me to be able to scan in the photos, all of which are much larger than my scanner, some also occupying double page with the bend / fold in the middle, quite beyond my limited photographic and technical skill to reproduce for this group. I will ask some questions if and when I could find someone with the know-how, to see whether I could overcome this tech problem. It might never happen as I live in a place where there are definitely more fishermen than tech experts. I am also not quite sure about the copy right issue.

Perhaps, one of these days, by luck ......

Tags: lastsitting, goddessoflove, bertstern, marilyn

Some Like It Hot - Coffee, Milk, Marilyn

It might not seem so at first sight, but the following and very recent portrait of the mythical actress Marilyn Monroe, an unique mosaic, was composed of 5,200 cups of coffee! It was mounted as part of the 'Aroma Festival of Sidney', artistic work of 12 volunteers who had put together a total of 680 litres of milk and 780 of coffee.

Their innovation and initiative of this art project was the hope that this would be evaluated by the directives of the Guinness Book Of Records to include 'their Marilyn' in it.

Tags: marilyn, coffee, milk

Prev: 1st Nov 2010 La Dolce Vita - Still Sweet 50 Years On

Eternally Marilyn - 50 Years On

On the 5th of Aug, 50 years ago, the world mourned Marilyn's sudden death. But she lives on and will be so eternally. She would have been 86 now, and Andrzej Dragan, with imagination & PhotoShop, had shown us how she might look at 86. I don't agree. The supposedly old aged MM would not have put on that much make-up, I am sure of that. She would have retained that very special innocence that no make-up could ever create. 

Amongst the few photos I found, I have included one impostor out of the thousands. Can you spot her? 


 

Drawing A Woman From Inside Out

A must see for any art lovers.
It's an amazing drawing in action, in seconds, of a woman from inside out. I'm sure you will enjoy it.

Link: http://fcmx.net/vec/get.swf?i=003702

Tags:InstantDrawing,InsideOut

Humorous Figure Of Speech

With my hesitant and slow effort to save a few of my older posts in Multiply now that the closing of it is imminent, I am posting this one on Boomerplace, so as to entertain some of my new friends here ...

** When I was in India recently, I saw a sign that said, 'English speaking taxi driver'. I thought to myself: "What a brilliant idea. Why don't we have them in England?

** Paraprosdokians (Figure of Speech)

Paraprosdokians (Winston Churchill used them often) are figres of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit... Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' I put 'DOCTOR'.

11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure ...

14. To be sure to hit your intended target, shoot first and call what you've hit the target.
15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but as time goes by, I'm the elder ... Show some respect. 

Tag:Paraprosdokians

• Current Mood: amused

When We Cut Down Trees ...

Look what happens when we cut down too many trees! ...

Global warming is one thing, but look at what might happen if we continue to clear our forests!

We have to stop cutting down trees! 

This is getting serious!

Tags:Tree,Dogs

Hi Honey ...?

'Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mammy near the phone?'
'No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.'

**After a brief pause** Daddy says:

'But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul.'
'Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mammy, right now.'

**Brief Pause**

'Oh, okay then, this is what I want you to do: Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs, knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mammy:
That Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway.'
'Okay, Daddy, Just a minute.'

**A few minutes later**
The little girl comes back to the phone.

'I did it, Daddy.'

'And what happened, honey?'
'Well, Mammy got all scared, jumped out of bed With no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser, And now she isn't moving at all!'

'Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?'
'He too jumped out of the bed with no clothes on,all scared and he jumped out of the back window into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead.'

***Long Pause***
******Longer Pause******
*******Even Longer Pause*******

Then Daddy says:

'Swimming pool? ... Is this 486-5731?'
'No, I think you have the wrong number...'

Tags: swimming, unclepaul

Prev: The Mischievous Pope

The Mischievous Pope

Not too long ago, in 2011, Pope Benedict the XV1 was supposed to have caused quite a stir in Germany, during his emotional trip to his homeland Germany. The papal flight touched down at Berlin's Brandenburg Airport. After lugging all of Pope Benedict's bags into the limo, Herman the driver, notices that the Pope is still standing on the pavement.

'Pardon me, Your Holiness,' says Herman, 'Would you please take your seat so we can get to the Olympic Stadium in time?'

'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive for old times sake now I am back in Germany.'

'I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job!'

'But who's going to tell?' says the Pope with a smile.

Reluctantly, the driver get into the rear seat as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision because after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to over 200 kms.

'Please slow down, Your Holiness' pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear police sirens.

Duly the Pope pulls over and winds-down the window. The Autobahnpolizei approaches the pope-mobile, takes one look inside, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

'I need to talk to Chief Rhode,' he says to the dispatcher.

Chief Otto Rhode gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo doing 200 kph.

'So bust him,' says the Chief. 'I don't think we want to do that, he's really important,' said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed, 'All the more reason!'

'No, I mean really important,' said the cop with a bit of persistence.

The Chief then asked, 'Who do you have there, Mayor Klaus Wowereit?'

Autobahnpolizei: 'Bigger.'

Chief: 'A member of parliament?'

Autobahnpolizei: 'Bigger.'

Chief: 'The Chancellor of Germany?'

Autobahnpolizei:: 'Bigger.'

'Well,' said the Chief, 'who is it?'

Autobahnpolizei: 'I think it's God!'

The Chief is even more puzzled, and curious, 'What makes you think it's God?'

Autobahnpolizei: 'His chauffeur is the Pope!'


Tags:Pope,Driver,Police