Ahh ... The Scots Again !!

Jock was out working the field when a barnstormer landed.
"I'll give you an airplane ride for £5," said the pilot.
"Sorry, can't afford it," replied Jock.
"Tell you what," said the pilot, "I'll give you and your wife a free ride if you promise not to yell. Otherwise it'll be £10."
So up they went and the pilot rolled, looped, stalled and did all he could to scare Jock. Nothing worked and the defeated pilot finally landed the plane. Turning around to the rear seat he said,

"Got to hand it to you. For country folk you sure are brave!"
"Aye," said Jock "But ye nearly had me there when the wife fell out!"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jock's nephew came to him with a problem. "I have my choice of two women," he said, "a beautiful, penniless young girl whom I love dearly, and a rich old widow whom I can't stand."
"Follow your heart; marry the girl you love," Jock counseled.
"Very well, Uncle Jock," said the nephew, "that's sound advice."
"By the way," asked Jock "where does the widow live?"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"I hear Maggie and yourself settled your difficulties and decided to get married after all," Jock said to Sandy.
"That's right," said Sandy, "Maggie's put on so much weight that we couldn't get the engagement ring off her finger."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Have you heard about the lecherous Jock who lured a girl up to his attic to see his etchings?
He sold her four of them.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jock finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone into foreclosure and he's in serious financial problems. He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help. "God, please help me. I've lost my wee store and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house too. Please let me win the lottery!" Lottery night! Someone else wins...

Jock prays again. "God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my wee store, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well!" Lottery night again! Still no luck... Jock prays again.

"I've lost my business, ma house and my car. My bairns are starving. I don't often ask Ye for help and I have always been a good servant to Ye. PLEASE, just let me win the lottery this one time so I can get back on my feet!"

Suddenly there is a blinding flash as the heavens open and the voice of God Himself thunders:
"Jock, at least meet Me half way and buy a ticket!"

Tags:scots2

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