The
Scots have the (unjustified) reputation of being stingy. But what they
do have is the ability to laugh at themselves. Here are few examples; -
- Double glazing is doing great business in Scotland in hope that the children cannot hear the icecream van when it comes round.
- Angus
called in to see his friend Donald to find he was stripping the
wallpaper from the walls. Rather obviously, he remarked "You're
decorati!ng, I see." to which Donald replied "No. I'm moving house."
- Old
Tom, who had lost all his teeth, had a visit from the minister who
noted that Tom had a bowl of almonds. "My brother gave me those, but I
don't want them, you can have them" said Old Tom. The minister tucked
into them and then said "That was a funny present to give a man with no
teeth." To which Old Tam replied "Not really, they had chocolate on them
..."
- Callen decided to call his father-in-law the "Exorcist" because every time he came to visit he made the spirits disappear.
- A
farmer's wife, who was rather stingy with her whisky, was giving her
shepherd a drink. As she handed him his glass, she said it was extra
good whisky, being fourteen years old. "Well, Mistress," said the
shepherd regarding his glass sorrowfully, "It's very small for its age."
- At
an auction in Glasgow a wealthy American announced that he had lost his
wallet containing £10,000 and would give a reward of £100 to the person
who found it. From the back of the hall a Scottish voice shouted, "I'll
give £150!"
- A Scottish newspaper ad : "Lost - a £5 note. Sentimental value".
- Scottish
telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross
out the names and addresses of people you don't know.
- Save petrol by pushing your car to your destination. Invariably passers-by will think you've broken down and help.
- One day Jock bought a bottle of fine whiskey and while walking home he fell. Getting up he felt something wet on his pants. He looked up at the sky and said: "Oh lord please I beg you, let it be blood!"
Tags:ScotishHumour
|
Amused
No comments:
Post a Comment