Don't Mouse Around

Jeremy Bailey, Canadian, is a real one man band in the digital age. Autonomous and independent, this visual artist and performer acts as protagonist in videos he himself has made and edited, in real time and in a programme of his own creation, at the same time, retransmits them through Internet or other closed platforms. The screen of the computer is converted into a supporting stand, a frame and a stage for short or brief audio-visual stories, often ironic and surreal, in which Bailey parodies the functions and the idiosyncrasies of the computer and it's users. The Operative Visual System, the software of his creation, permits him to do video-performance directly, like the SOS, a mini series of 6 episodes he made and produced for the Canadian television, in them Bailey illustrates the use of the programmes with subtle irony, in a moderately enthusiastic tone, typical of the type of divulging documentary and commercial videodemo, showing how to use some popular programmes. During the Toronto Urban Film Festival, this software permits Bailey to transform himself into an Ad-man, substituting parts of his body with publicity in the video 'Your ad here', which is projected in the monitors of the metro of Toronto during the days of the festival. To determine the position of his arms in the 3 dimensional space, the artist combines his programme with the controller of the Nintendo Wii. "I made my first audio-visual action when my friend and professor, the famous video-artist Colin Cambell, died of cancer. In the video, titled: Bye bye bye, the movements of my arms are synchronized in the way that they seem to move the screen in the space." explained Bailey, who is rapidly becoming one of the most sought after by programmers of multimedia festivals, which multiply during the spring and summer. The video 'Terraform Dance Party' first shown in his exhibition 'Machine Ego' in the 2 of 2 Gallery in Toronto, Bailey put right up front a 3-dimensional system which created a virtual landscape instantly, while he illustrated the process of the work, and revealed tricks of the programme with black humour. In the coral War Mail, conceived for his exhibition in the HTTP Gallery in London, he premièred a new software with which the public could participate in the action through their movements and sounds. After equipping the public with digital pencils, the artist involved them in the collective editing of a delirious email for his mother, while he leisurely continued his space videogame. Amongst his work, one of the most entertaining is called 'Don't mouse around', where the nightmare of the exhausted programmer materialised in mosquito cursors taking control of his inert body ... all sounds fun ways to learn how some new programmes work! Well I don't really have enough space to list his amazing multi-talent. Nor do I have enough tech-knowledge to understand how all his system or creations work. You just have to look him up yourself. Tag:MouseAround

Current Mood: Accomplished

The Curious Effect Of Pink & Florescent Lights

Every so often I find things everybody else seems to be quite familiar with, except me. Either the others are very much cleverer, better educated or informed, or I am simply ignorant. I prefer to classify myself as the latter, because that would simply mean I have not yet learned something, rather than being downright stupid.

I am talking about the florescent pink rose. Have to confess never have I seen one. Red, orange, yellow, green, blue or even black ones yes, in shops where they sell electrical appliances and decorations, which always make me wonder what they could be served for.

In the pre-digital days the laboratories of revelation of photos there would be the red light bulb to prevent the light ruining the film or paper. Now I learn there are pink roses that are not meant to beautify a room or to add romantic ambiance, but to be put in some parts of streets where youngster gather, to smoke, drink, make merry or make trouble. These pink florescent roses apparently can disperse them.

It's not that the pink rose seems detestable to them. What the pink light does is it accentuate the defects of the skin, making young acne covered faces look much more obvious. Two years ago, a young man in Mexico killed a girl because her father mocked about his face so dotted with acne. The unusual incentive has been put to practice by the Town Hall of the city Mansfield, in England. They have installed these pink florescent lights in subways, not with the purpose of concealing their acne, but to discourage their drinking parties there, or creating other noisy mischievous fooleries.

Never followed up to see whether that has brought the desired effect.

Tags:Florescent,Pink

Current Mood: Blah

Children Writing About The Ocean ...

Children Writing About the Ocean. The next time you take a oceanography course, you will be totally prepared.

1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6)

2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)

3) - If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (Mike, age 7)

4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)

5) - A dolphin breathes through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy, age 8)

6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)

7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William, age 7)

8) - Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen, age 6)

9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy, age 6)

10) - Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers. (Christopher, age 7)

11) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin, age 6)

12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8)

13) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass. (Julie, age 7)

14) - The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown I don't know. ( Bob by, age 6)

15) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)

If you didn't smile at some of these, you need to get a better sense of humour.

Tags:Ocean,Children

Current Mood: Amused

People Are Awesome 2013

Absolutely incredible & breathtaking. Unable to describe it, you just have to watch & wonder ...

Dynamo - More Than Just An Illusion?

British Magician and Illusionist Steven Frayne, known as “Dynamo” goes for a ride on a double Decker through the streets of London that leaves onlookers amazed. He appears to be levitating next to the bus as he rides along with only one arm touching the side of the bus. It does appear to be a better way to see the London sights. He Seems very much at ease even texting & taking photos with his mobile phone!

Life Is Like A Pot Of Hot-Chilli ...

1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?

21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck happened?'
22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off..
23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapeños. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

 

Tag:hotchilli

Current Mood: Amused

Eighty Three Impressions Of Barcelona

Eighty Three different impressions of Barcelona. The students of Architecture of La Sall have put the scenes of the city in plasmatic form in a book of photographs, titled 'Barcelona reflections', featuring the city's renounced corners and locations, based on their personal vision and according to their individual views and creative talent.

The city is presented like an icon of opulence, esthetic communication and fetishism. It is the result of 7 years' selection of academic subjects, of which having participated 1,000 students.

The following are some of the photo-montage, the 1st one is of the terrace of Pedrera, converted to Khan Dragon.

More photos in: www.lavanguardia.es/fotos

 

Tags: khandragon

Current Mood: Artistic

British Wit & Sarcasm

** A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.

** A good man in an evil society seems the greatest villain of all.

** A guilty conscience needs no accuser.

** A half truth is a whole lie.

** Ability can take you to the top, but it takes character to keep you there.

** All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy; all play and no work makes Jack a mere toy.

** Curiosity killed the cat (and satisfaction brought it back).

** Doubt is the beginning, not the end, of wisdom.

** Education is a progressive discovering of our own ignorance.

** Education makes machines which act like men and produces men who act like machines

** Falling down does not signify failure but staying there does.

** He who is good at excuses is seldom good at anything else.

** Helping Hands are better than Praying Lips

** If you're not part of the solution, you're likely part of the problem.

** Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results.

** Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

** Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

** Life is what passes you by when you are too busy making other plans.

** Love is not finding someone to live with; it's finding someone whom you can't live without.

** Love is blind,… but marriage is the real eye-opener.

** Proverbs are long life experiences, told in one short sentence.

** Someone who gossips to you will gossip about you.

** The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.

** Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare.

** Write injuries in the sand, kindnesses in marble.

** You don't have to be different to be good. You have to be good to be different.

** You've got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your grandfather was.

** Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
** Anyone who thinks the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, is aiming ten inches too high.
** A banker is someone who lends you an umbrella when the sun is shining, and who asks for it back when it starts to rain.

** A paragraph should be like a lady's skirt: long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to keep it interesting.

Tags:BritishWit,Sarcasm

Current Mood: Amused

What Price Is Sin?

It would seem that certain sins are worth committing,economically speaking. King Henry IV once pronounced that "Paris is well worth a Mass"; the crown of France in exchange for converting to Catholicism, to end the bloody war of religion. It would seem that Hely Sgarbi, the Swiss gigolo who cheated a huge fortune out of his lover Susanne Klatten, the richest woman in Germany, daughter of Herbert Quandt, founder of BMW, has opted for a similar way to keep his fair sized loot. The trial of his case closed with a sentence, unexpected and discreet, of 6 years in jail, without Sgarbi having to reveal the whereabouts of the 9 and a half million € he had swindled. A quick mental calculation told me that this equals more than €1 and a half million per year for being in jail. A hell of a lot more than most people working all their lives in a steady 8-9 hour day full time job or labour. Apart from the fact that during that period all his board, lodging, and all bills paid for and plus all medical attention and entertainment. Is this the Mass of Sgarbi? The key factor for the prompt sentence, to which attended 200 reporters, seemed centred on the pact or deal between the lawyers, to settle the matter in such a way that Susanne Klatten would not have to declare publicly in court, and the cheating lover Sgarbi, needed only to ask pardon, through his lawyer that: "I regret profoundly what had happened, and wish to ask publicly forgiveness of the ladies who had been hurt by my action." He had also admitted having blackmailed the ladies with photos of their intimacy in various hotels of Munich and Monte Carlo. This declaration avoided the appearance of the victims. Klatten works in BMW as executive and co-proprietor. She was married with 3 children, but had let herself seduced by the professional gigolo in 2007. The lie he used to swindle her money was more or less the same as used with some other ladies, that he had killed a child with his car in the United States, and the Mafia there had asked for €7 million, or else. Klatten generously advanced the money, confirming that even cooled headed executives could be blinded by love, or lust. The court case lasted merely 5 hours and the sentence was less than the prosecution asked for, 9 years. It's only one year more than what's asked by the defence lawyer. So Klatten didn't have to appear before the press and he keeps the €9,5 million. Seven million of that from Klatten, the rest from other ladies. Guess he is more than happy to serve the 6 years. Being 44 now, he would likely able to continue his gigolo career a little longer to secure a comfortable retirement when time comes. Tags:BMW,gigolo,jail

Current Mood: Bitchy

TV & Red Herrings

Doesn't look like I would get much if anything at all done tonight, except to glue myself to the TV set, switching channels, and programme hopping. Most nights for far too long now there have been nothing worth spending more than 10 minute on. For a huge surprise, the silly programmers, lacking consideration for me, had put all the great oldies all in one night, at more or less the same time slot!! And here I am, have always denied to be a film addict! Until something real worthwhile crops up. Never counted on so many good films in one single evening.

Okay, I have seen all of them before. But I am faithful and loyal to whatever, or whoever, I consider good. If they were good and wonderful to me however long ago, then they are still so today. Those on tonight are: 'When Harry met Sally' - remember the restaurant scene where Sally (Meg Ryan) faked an orgasm screaming her head off, and an old lady who just walked in and witnessed this amazing display of climax in public, said to the waitress who came to take her order: "I'll have whatever she just had!"? Priceless. A classic now and a reference.

Then there are 'Fascination', a 1976 Hitchcock film with Cliff Robertson, Genevieve. 'Bandits' with Bruce Willis, Billy Bob Thornton and Cate Blanchett. 'Donnie Darko (2001) with Jack Gyllenahaal and Maggie Gullenhaal ..... (Any family relation between them?), and a couple more, all starting within half an hour's or so difference. Oh, there is also 'The memory of a Geisha', not particularly as good as it could be was how I thought when I saw it quite some time ago, but wouldn't mind catching a few glances of it again to confirm my first impression.

Before you shake your head and jeer that I am such an idiot without resorting to watching one and recording another, or use advanced programming; I have to confess that I do not have such facility any more. When the recorder broke beyond repair, it was never replaced. At the time I thought all TV channels had conspired to a mutual agreement of never to put on any good and worthwhile programmes ever again. Besides, I don't know how to manipulate the multi-function machines!!!

Just as well I am used to doing more than one thing at the same time, like my habit of working on my computer while keeping an eye, literally, one eye, on the TV screen. Most of the time I even manage to follow a whole intriguing story like a thriller or detectives surrounded by red herrings. Can they be grey I wonder? And, why herrings? I know some trouts are red, they are called rainbow trouts.

Tags:TV,HerringsTrouts

Current Mood: Artistic

Sing It Again, Vonda!

I am sure many of us remember Vonda Shapard, with her appearance as a night club singer where many lawyers hang out after work, in the TV series 'Ally McBeal'? That series made her very popular and impelled greatly the sale of her discs, especially the themes she has sung in the series. With 16 platinum discs in her credit and after quite a long while without letting herself seen or heard much, Vonda emerged again to delight us a few years ago in the famous night club, the 'Bikini' in Barcelona.

I first knew of her precisely through her appearance in 'Ally McBeal'. I was captivated right from the start, hearing her very seductive voice and her excellent piano playing. She was capable of transporting the public to the intimate atmosphere, with suggestive and dreamy quality, that makes you sway gently and get lost in some sort of ethereal suspension of time and space. Come to think of it, I religiously turned on to 'Ally McBeal' just about solely because of her singing, much more than that weird law firm, the crazy lawyers and the ridiculous stories, lots of them developed in the common toilets for both men & women!

Of that TV series, in fact I remember little, not much of the actors and less still of the stories or plots. But there was another girl that sticks to my memory, apart from Shepard, the actress in her roll of a feisty, intelligent, and very funny 'dumb-blonde' who was anything but dumb, sings beautifully too and a great dancer. Pretty, sexy and very curvacious. Can anyone tell me her name? The actress I mean, not her role. I would love to find her in some other roles in other films or TV Series if I know what her name is.

Tags:allymcbeal.vonda

Current Mood: Artistic

Fun With Budgies - Very Entaining Video

Watching this fun and entertaining act called Fun With Budgies I have a new level of respect for Parakeets and their ability to learn and perform tricks. I can only imagine how many hours of practice and the bags of bird seed it takes to train the birds for this act.

Barefoot High Fashion

The name Manolo Blahnik figures in countless high fashion events as he is probably the most famous shoe designer in Spain, and amongst the internationally known shoe designers as well. In the New York Fashion Week though, his name was mentioned many more times than usual but, unlike what he had been used to - the always unison delightful comments and praises, this time was more connected to the unfortunate accidents several models suffered, due to his ultra high pin-like heels.

During the presentation of the fashions designed by the Columbian designer Brain Reyes, a model was tripped over by her very high heels. She, being professional, simply picked herself and her shoes up and continued the show barefooted. Merely a short while later, two other models tripped themselves over too. In an act of solidarity, during the finale at the end when as a custom all models would come back onto the Catwalk together, they decided to leave off their stilettos, carried these in their hands, and paraded barefooted, to very approving and conspiratorial applause from the audience.

This should serve as a warning to all fashion conscious ladies to take into account, that a woman is never beautiful if whatever she is wearing is uncomfortable, because nature would put that on your face and shows it too on your posture. Same with a garment or some accessories which actually hurt or, worse still, when they become dangerous, causing injury and health hazards.

I am only a fashion victim when it comes to shoes, as I am very, very partial to high heels. Fortunately I have never been so daft to the extent of tottering on 5-6 inch stilettos. They might be a real eye catcher & makes you look stunning, but you can't help but lose grace, poise and elegance when your balance is tipped. What you gain in appearance is no compensation at all in comparison.

Tags:barefoot,fashion

Current Mood: Artistic

Wisdom & Common Sense

Just because something good ends doesn't mean something better won't begin. He who has not carried your burden does not know what it weighs. People who can hold their tongues, rarely have any troubles holding their friends." Let your heart see what your eyes cannot. Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it is the quiet voice at the end of the night saying, 'I will try again tomorrow. When all things have been said, The most important things are the things not said. Don't curse the darkness; light a candle." He who belittles you is only trying to cut you down to his/her size. Two fellows on a ship will not make it safely to shore unless they agree. If we can not have things we like, we must learn to like the things we have. Experience is the hardest teacher. She tests you first then gives you the lesson. Be who you are and say what you feel, for those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. Kindness in words creates confidence, kindness in thinking creates profoundness, kindness in giving creates love. Show dignity in defeat; you could be winning Tags:wisdom,commonsense

Current Mood: Awake

Bob Hope's Funny Lines

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it. A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live. A sense of humour is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn? Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong. I do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality. I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap. I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom. I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty. I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful. I like to play in the low 70's. If it gets any hotter than that I'll stay in the bar! I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money. I've always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there. If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it. If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble. If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued. Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle. People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy. She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction. The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off. The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup. The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast. They'll always be an England, even if it's in Hollywood. When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot both his parents and moved in. When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things - not the great occasions - that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of happiness. You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. You never get tired unless you stop and take time for it.

Tags:BobHope,FunnyLines

Current Mood: Amused

Bob Hope's Humour

• (About his early boxing days) Some fighters are carried back to their dressing rooms. I'm the only one who had to be carried both ways.


• (Asked shortly before a tour to Vietnam if he was worth 50 million dollars) If I had $50 million, I wouldn't go to Vietnam; I'd send for it.


• Bing (Crosby) doesn't pay income tax. He just calls the government and says, 'How much do you boys need?'


• (Commenting on why he cut his cruise vacation short) Fish don't applaud.


• Eisenhower admitted that the budget can't be balanced and McCarthy says the communists are taking over. You don't know what to worry about these days ... whether the country will be overthrown or overdrawn.


• Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.


• I don't bother to look for parking space any more. As soon as I get near Hollywood Boulevard ... I sell.


• I left England at the age of four when I found out I couldn't be king.


• I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.


• I returned to Cleveland for a really big homecoming. I remember it well. How they welcomed me ... flags waving, bands playing, big parades and everything. Yes sir! Lucky for me I arrived on Flag Day.


• It was so cold at Thule, that one G.I. fell out of bed and broke his pyjamas.


• My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty-one.


• My mother thought the doctor had left the stork and taken the baby.


• My next door neighbor just had a pacemaker installed. They're still working the bugs out, though. Every time he makes love, my garage door opens.


• (On receiving his knighthood) Seventy years of ad lib material and I am speechless.


• Television. That's where movies go when they die.


• There are 86 golf courses in Palm Springs, and Jerry Ford never knows which one he's going to play until his second shot.


• They'll always be an England, even if it's in Hollywood.


• This is Bob Football Hope telling you always to use Pepsodent because it's better to set out for a nice run than to run out for a nice set.


• (To President Kennedy when he was being presented with a gold medal for 'services to his country'. ) I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.


• Virus is a Latin word used by doctors to mean 'your guess is as good as mine.'


• Wine, women and song have been replaced by prune juice, a heating pad and the Gong Show.

Tags:humour,bobhope

Current Mood: Amused

If Dads Raised The Kids ...

Tags:dads,kids

Current Mood: Amused

What Women Want In A Man

** What Women Want in a Man, Original List
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover

** What Women Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)
1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week

** What Women Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)
1. Not too ugly (bald head OK)
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends

** What Women Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't retell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends

** What Women Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)
1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it's the weekend

** What Women Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)
1. Breathing
2. Doesn't miss the toilet

Tag:WomenAboutMen

Current Mood: Amused

Honesty & Willpower

** Willpower

Alf arrives home from work and as soon as he sets foot in the house, Sadie is on to him, telling him that their friend Michael Bloom has finally quit smoking.

"Imagine that, Alf," she says, "someone who smoked 3 packs a day for 20 years has stopped smoking all of a sudden. Now that's what I call willpower - something that you definitely don’t have."

But Sadie hadn’t finished.
"And that’s not all. I hear that Bernard, that drunken friend of yours, is finally giving up drinking – another example of the kind of willpower that you don’t have."

"OK, Sadie," said Alf, "you want to see willpower, do you? Well here's willpower. I am going to sleep in the spare room from now on. I am going to prove to you that I won’t be affected at all by not sleeping with a woman."

Alf keeps to his word. One night, when he had been sleeping alone for a week, there is a knock on his bedroom door.
Alf shouts out, "What do you want?"
Sadie replies, "Bloom has started smoking again."

** Honesty

Maurice & Sarah were Londoners and were blessed with 7 healthy children. After many months of discussion, they finally decided to move to New York. It should have been a simple enough move, but when they arrived, they had great difficulty finding a suitable apartment to live in. Although many were big enough, the landlords always seemed to object to such a large family living there. If only Maurice wasn't so honest about the size of his family.
After several days of unsuccessful searching, Maurice had an idea. He told Sarah to take the four younger children to visit the local cemetery while he went with the older three children to find an apartment. After looking for most of the morning, Maurice found a place that was ideal.

The landlord asked him, "How many children do you have?"
Maurice answered with a deep sigh, "Seven ... but four are with their dear mother in the cemetery."

He got the apartment!

Tags:honesty,willpower

Current Mood: Amused

The Invisible Women

This is an ugly story, although the ladies in it are called Beauty, Precious or Happiness. These names in Nigeria are as common as Jane in England or Maria in Spain. Names chosen to evoke high valued dreams and to ward off or avert the contrary reality, and the inevitable abject destiny most of them are facing. They are condemned to such misery simply for having been born black, female and poor. Nearly everyday there are immigrants coming into Spain from Nigeria, the Sahara or Somalia. Mostly in rickety boats too crowded beyond their capacity, with little or no shelter, hardly any food and insufficient water. Rarely all make it to the intended destination. Those who died of hunger, exhaustion or sickness, often combination of all three, were simply unceremoniously thrown into the sea. The survivors, on reaching land, are immediately locked up, forced to prostitution to pay off their passage that takes an average of 30 months, during which they live in subhuman conditions, forced to prostitute themselves minimum 10 times a day. And these are told by their 'jailers' that they are the lucky ones. The organisation 'Women's Link' has just published the much needed information regarding immigration with all related issues, and provides help where it's needed. The tragedy in Lancelot where 15 girls, all minors, drowned only 20 kilometres from the promised shore, really shook up the society, and that was just one of the many similar cases, with the only difference in the number of dead passengers, including men, women, teens, young children, and babies. Even in broad daylight, one can spot these unfortunate girls dotted about some motorways or some dark street corners. Behind each we know there's a whole string of others, invisible ones. Women immigrants, victims seeking a better future in the ultra modern 21st century. I don't know about what or how much the authorities are doing to try to solve the urgent problem. All I know is that we can't pretend such horror and tragedy didn't exist; or avoid talking about it because it's so unpleasant. Tags:immigrants,invisiblewomen

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Aren't They The Cutest?

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