The Princess And Her Underwear

When an Arabic princess with her retinue enter a shop, all staff stand to attention and the bosses are rubbing their hands with high expectations. But if the princess is Maha al Suidari, everyone start to tremble. At least that's so in the exclusive luxury shops of Paris where she, the wife of Naif Bin bdulaziz, Interior minister of Saudi Arabia, and member of the royal family, is capable of leaving, unpaid, a lot of undergarments valued €70,000. The princess is accustomed to walk on the thick carpets of the Hotel Crillon, and with her body made to measure for Dior gowns, has not paid any bills at all in a whole year at more than 30 luxury establishments in Paris, amongst them Dior, Kay Largo, Divina, Hanro, Marina, Frette, Le Nain and including the Hotel Crillon. Amazingly, most of these shops hadn't opened their mouth about the 'delayed payment', but Jacky Giami, proprietor of Kay Largo, the shop of sports wear where they sell pants of chandal at €600 had told the story to the newspaper 'Le Parisien' that they spent days waiting in the cafeteria of the Hotel George V. That's where in the past all her bills were paid. "She is not the kind of client you ask for a guarantee when she takes away the merchandise". The last time Maha al Suidari visited the shop, she took away goods worth 140.000, representing 7% of their annual business. At the time of payment, he received the message' Come back tomorrow.' till now. Given the habitual discretion by luxury shops in their dealings with important clients, and the diplomatic immunity the princess enjoys, and, her husband being the minister there, some merchants requested help at the Arabic Embassy, hoping somebody would pay the bill, but they receive very cordial reply that 'The princess's undergarments are not embassy business.' It's not a question of money for the Princess I don't think. More a display of power. That she could break some rules and regulations, and nobody can do anything about it. Tags:underwear,princess

Current Mood: Blah

Psychiatrist And Proctology

Two Doctors opened offices in a small town and put up signs reading

Dr Smith and Dr Jones "Psychiatry and Proctology."

The town council was not too happy with the sign

and so the doctors changed it to

"Hysterias and Posteriors".

This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council

they changed the sign to

"Schizoids and Hemorrhoids".

The town didn't like that either and countered with

"Catatonics and High Colonics."

Thumbs down again.

By now the story appeared in the local paper and suggestions began rolling in:

"Manic-depressives and anal retentives"
"Minds and Behinds"
"Lost souls and Assholes"
"Analysis & Anal Cysts"
"Nuts & Butts"
"Freaks & Cheeks"
"Loons & Moons

None of these satisfied one or the other side, but they finally settled on
"Dr Smith & Dr Jones, Odds & Ends".

Tag:Odds-&-Ends

Current Mood: Amused

Bitter Swig And Sweet Music

I came across a very unusual book by F.G. Haghenbeck, Mexican novelist of German origin, and responds to the name Francisco. It's called 'Trago Amargo' meaning Bitter Swig. There are 26 chapters, and in the beginning of each one there's an interesting Cocktail recipe. Don't start the book trying out all the drinks first, or you will never get to the end of the story! The novel is a mixture of fiction and reality, both so well written and presented, that at the end you wouldn't know what is true and what is not. Once upon not all that many years ago, John Huston decided to shoot the film 'Night of the iguana' at the beach of Mismaloya, in Vallarta Port in Mexico, and there came his troupe: Richard Burton who passed most part of the day at the bar, Elizabeth Taylor recently separated from Eddie Fisher, Ava Gartner, named by the tabloid as 'the most beautiful woman in the world', the very elegant British star Deborah Kerr, the Indian Fernandez ... Corrupt police like sergeant Quintero, the lawyer straddled on both sides of the law Bernabe Jurado, and a nice guy Billie Joe who appears and disappears. "Nearly all the characters are real" said the director. The cast of actors hated one another. Huston gave them gold guns with silver bullets in case they wanted to kill each other. Hollywood never liked to have anything to do with the police, much less Mexican police. So the producer contracted Sunny Pascual, Who auto-defined as 'half everything': half Mexican, half gringo, half alcoholic, half surfer, half alive, half dead". Sonny is amoral and sarcastic. Haghenbeck explained that these characters came from comic books, to which he had dedicated a good part of his life. The agile dialect with the mixing of the language is one of the strong points of the novel. It contains a lot of action, alcohol and drugs, under all that is corruption, and Mafia. But this latter is not like those featured in the past in novels or films. They are now high profile executives of Hollywood. There's property speculation converting the Mismaloya beach into the enclave of luxury. The structure of the novel is possibly the most attractive. Each chapter is inviting first with the intoxicating cocktail, followed by the music that best accompanies it. For instance, what goes best with Frank Sinatra's 'Witchcraft' is a dry Martini; the Gimlet with 'Call me irresponsible' of Wayne Newton, and Cuba Libre with 'Compay second' Tags:cocktail,music,novel

Current Mood: Accomplished

Hynotiq - Blue Sophistication

I discovered 'Hpnotiq, the Blue Sophistication' as the advertising informs. It's served in a flute-shaped glass, decorated with fresh fruit. It's blue with 17 percent alcohol, mixed with exotic fruits - passion fruit, orange peel, blueberry and Vodka with a touch of Cognac.

Apparently it's popular with Jennifer Lopez, Paris Hilton and Kevin Costner amongst other stars. Not much of a recommendation as far as I am concerned.

This seems to illustrate more clearly my day!

Tags:hynotiq +blue-sophistication +Fred

Current Mood: Awake

Cumulus Clouds

Have you seen clouds like these before? Curious image of a meteorological phenomenon, the mammatocumulus (I only learned this word today), a cumulus cloud, with hanging, breast-shaped formation. They look like bags containing water although there wasn't a single drop today.

The photo below was taken on the 7th last month, in Sant Cugat. The clouds lasted only a short time, but was captured by Juan Ramon Valles.

Tag:cumulus-clouds

Current Mood: Accomplished

Eternal Youth And Immortality

The search of eternal youth is often confused with the fruitless attempt to seek immortality. That's not to say crazy efforts had not been exercised by some for that impossible aim. The magazine 'Science' had published the result of 20 years of Investigation and experiments on primates, with the conclusion that if the food in take is 30% less, as long as respecting the proportion of all essential nutrients, the males would live longer and the females very much longer.

Whether this effect would apply to humans is not known yet. Considering that this new law, biologically speaking, also works with rats and worms, it's encouraging to continue investigating the possibility of including humans. Nothing is said whether such experiment is being studied, at least not officially, but outside the laboratories, people automatically cut down on their food consumption during summer, simply by losing appetite due to the heat, or by design with the objective of looking slimmer in bikinis and tight swimming trunks. In either case, the prospect is the same according to the science, you live longer.

Adding to that is the concluded fact that now what was deemed as impossible before with regard to certain illnesses, diseases and operations, are now found to be possible. Most encouraging is the discovery that losing one's kidney as result of illness, accident or donation, the remaining kidney can grow notably, to compensate the functionality of the other.

A team of medical science investigators in Spain has discovered in rats the protein 'Tweak' that is responsible to regulate the division of cells, increase their number and therefore the renal mass, according to the work of the team, directed by Alberto Ortiz, and published recently in the 'Journal of Cell and Molecular medicine'.

The same team is also investigating on finding Anti-Tweak, because, positive though it is to regenerate cells to the injured kidney, this protein can also induce the division of tumorous cells! What then? Eeny, meey, miny moe ... ?

Tags:youth,immortality

Current Mood: Awake

How Sexy Can A Beach Be?

A beach denotes different things to different people in different times. In the past, generally, it's where you went to relax, maybe even swim, but certainly to laze about doing nothing in particular. Read a book maybe, take a nap, get a bit of colour on the pale winter skin, and build sand castles just to do something.

Today it's quite something else. It's a redoubt of solace, to let go and let the hair down, a place to give vent to one's feelings, to get golden brown, to show off your near perfect physic, to play and to indulge in games and pleasures, to sing and dance, to party and, why not, to flirt and to make love.

I rarely look at Spanish TV, but I caught a new programme by chance called 'Arena Mix' or, in English, 'Sand Mix'. The camera takes you to the beaches of Spain, showing what's new, different, interesting, daring or strange, weird; focusing mainly on the excessive of anything, and of course people and their activities, the more exotic and unusual of the human specimens and, most of all, near naked bodies, especially women's. The colourful conglomeration of the human fauna.

The first episode, by chance or design, captured scenes on the Barcelona beach like a garden of sex and a pleasure park, fun, games and love play, music and alcohol, a showcase of naked bodies and absolute abandon.That makes the beaches of Roses, my town, rather tame and maybe old fashioned. There are no lack of activities here either, day and late into night on the beaches, but are mainly organises games, gymnastic displays by experts but inviting the public to join in following their examples; competitions of all sorts, acrobatic dancing and yes, sand castle building.

Either they keep the more daring or scandalous activities for the middle of the night on the beach in Roses, or the scenes in Barcelona beach are part of the television programme to boost up the rating, do you think?

Tags:beachscenes

Current Mood: Chipper

The Pretenders - Chrissie Hynde

It's the night of the Pretenders, In the inauguration of the festival of Porta Ferrada, in Spain. The whole band came onto the stage, with Chrissie amongst the musicians, without any hullabaloo. There was no ceremonial presentation, simply 'One, two three' for the music to begin playing.

In tight jeans, boots, a sleeveless top, waistcoat; and the same hairstyle of the last 40 years, Chrissie Hynde began to sing. An hour and a half and 20+ songs later, the audience left drunk with happiness, nostalgic but comforted and contented. Most of the songs were as old as her hairstyle, so familiar as meeting up with a beloved old friend, the memory once more reminded and strengthened. A perfect summer evening; better not possible.

First of all because Chrissie is far from transcendence. She doesn't want to change the world if she can't add something good to it with her songs. Secondly because her songs are the type that gains value with time, as time always respects and treats well good music and well composed songs. Third, because Chrissie has conserved splendidly her incredible voice. Fourth, because her charisma too has increased with time, that just her image alone fills the entire stage, with a mixture of authority and fragility so endearing as well as captivating; her personality and comportment of an uncomplicated woman is amiable and reachable.

Lastly because, although she looks remarkably youthful, she never tries to appear in any of her concerts what the passing of years can't conceal. She values her artistic quality, not biological plus and minus..

Chrissie could have sung in whatever style but she wishes to stick faithfully to classics, the good and the perennial. From her 'Don't get me wrong' to 'Middle of the road'; versions like 'Forever young' of Dylan and themes like the recent work 'Boots of Chinese plastic' and 'Rosalee'.

Tag:pretenders

Current Mood: Artistic

Live Rock Concert Without Fans - Love Of The Lesbian

Life concert without a single fan cheering, screaming or applauding. The pop-rock band of Barcelona inaugurated the first exclusive on-line spectacle a few years ago. According to the organisers, 2,785 people following the entire event directly on Internet, and were able to interact during the performance, sending comments and short messages which showed up in a large screen on the stage.

Only a small number of bloggers had entrance tickets previously acquired, after participating in a lucky draw - also online -, to be able to enjoy the concert directly in the location of the performance. It opened with 'allí donde solíamos gritar' (That's where we used to scream), the first and one of the most successful themes in their last album.

The group is well connected with the latest technology. Since their beginning, has maintain very close relationship with their followers through Internet. Despite a concert without any fans, the show was packed with solid contents more so than habitually, and there's no lacking in the feedback from the public. "I had expected it to be much colder" confessed Santi Balmes, the singer in the band.

The combined old themes like 'Noches reversibles' (Reversible nights), with their latest work like 'Fans of John Boy' or 'Second Attack', in keeping with the thematic of the festival, Nights of the full moon. They also played a version of 'Son of the moon' of Mecano.

At the end, the virtual public could chat with the members of the group, who responded to every question. This was the first of many concerts planned to be shown under the theme of 'Nights of the full moon', the festival of concerts on Internet.

'Love of lesbian'. Intriguing the name they chose for the group. I wondered whether anybody asked them why. As far as I know, there seems to be no trace or the slightest indication of the group members themselves being either lesbians or homosexuals. Their's is simply good and lively pop-rock. www.eristoffinternativefestival.com

Tags:poprock,lesbian

Current Mood: Artistic

Because I'm a man ...

When I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a wire long after hypothermia has set in.

Because I'm a man ...

When the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't, know
Where to start." We will then drink beer.

Because I'm a man ...
When I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.

Because I'm a man ...
I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine
Hygiene product" is a euphemism.

Because I'm a man ...

When one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as, much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

Because I'm a man ...

I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator).

Because I'm a man ...

I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger? I mean, how the hell could he know where we're going?

Because I'm a man ...
There is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex, cars, beer, or football. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.

Because I'm a man ...
I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.

Because I'm a man ...
You don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.

Because I'm a man ...
I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it---looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

Because I'm a man ...
And this is, after all, the year 2009, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest.

Tag:men

Current Mood: Amused

Four Hundred Trees Plus One

It must have been at least a year ago, or longer, when I wrote a Blog about my 400 trees. Straightly speaking these trees are not exactly mine in the sense of possession. I don't have them in my garden, heck, I don't even have a garden, nor orchard nor even a back yard. I was just given to understand one fine day, out of a blue, by a government report that there are a great number of trees all over the place in Spain, and that dividing the number of trees by the number of inhabitants, each of us has 400!

I remember I was absolutely delighted by the news. That revelation made my day; I was happy as I could be, almost proud. I love trees, especially the very, very old ones, and have collected quite a number of photos or drawings of such ancient trees, cross-grained, twisted, knotted, bent, and gnarled, but still living and, to me, majestic and magnificent!

I just found this one in the photo below. Isn't it just incredible and sublime? If I don't tell anybody about it, maybe I can include this one as my own? 401 trees!! What splendid treasure, I am rich!!


Tags:401tree

Current Mood: Ecstatic

The Spy Out Of Facebook

Spies are not like what they used to be. Not even the British secret service. No matter how intriguing and mysterious they had been written about in books by renowned authors, from John LeCarre to Graham Green to Ian Fleming. We have been led to imagine a secret agent of MI6 with the face of Michael Caine or Sean Connery, even though one day we discovered their faces on the menu card of Langan's Brasserie or an advertisement of razor blades. Something never would have been permitted to a MI6 agent, to protect their identity.

A secret agent on active duty has no name, only numbers or initials. Sir John Sawers is a diplomat with ties from Jermyn Street, suits from Saville Row and academic degrees from Saint Andrews and Harvard. He was selected by Gordon Brown to direct the MI6, the service of exterior espionage of the United Kingdom. He was the ambassador of his country in the United Nations and, since the appointment, became simply 'C', to safeguard to the maximum his personal biography.

However, on the same day he was nominated for the post, his wife posted on Facebook a huge collection of their family photos, and a list of personal references that illustrate details of their family life, including even their home address. At the blink of an eye 200 million people have access to the private data that should have been securely protected. The spy coming out of Facebook. Contemporary spies are nothing like those of past years, nor are their wives like those of their predecessors, some of whom never did know about their husband's real jobs.

The chief of British diplomacy David Miliband remarked that everyone knows now that Sawers wears tight 'speedo' type swimming trunks, called 'braga nautica' here in Spain - nautic panties! It's being debated in various quarters whether it's appropriate for the politician, the maximum responsible for the secret external services of Great Britain. Given that, since the great success of James Bond, elegance and sophistication are trademarks of the secret service agency.

Lady Shalley Sawers not only posted on Facebook, for all to see, her husband in the dainty little 'panties', but also hundreds of photos of him with the children, other Family members and friends, his relationship with his father and half brother, etc.Tags:spysectetservice,

Could it be that with so many friendly smiles, John Sawer wishes to send the message to Ahmadineyad and Co., that we are good guys, there's no need for bombs?

Tags:spysectetservice

Current Mood: Bitchy

Rules For Women To Live By ...

** Aspire to be Barbie - the Bitch has everything.

** If the shoe fits - buy them in every colour.

** Take life with a pinch of salt... A wedge of lime, and a shot of tequila.

** In need of a support group? - Cocktail hour with the girls!

** Go on the 30 day diet. (I'm on it and so far I've lost 15 days).

** When life gets you down - just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.

** Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS and this is just your personality.

** I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.

** Don't marry the man you can live with, marry the one whom you can't live without.
** Don't get your knickers in a knot; it solves nothing and makes you walk funny.

** When life gives you lemons in 2009 - turn it into lemonade then mix it with vodka.

** Remember where ever there is a good looking, sweet, single or married man there is some woman tired of his bullshit.

** Keep your chin up, only the first 40 years of parenthood are the hardest.

** If it has tires or testicles, it's gonna give you trouble.

** By the time a woman realizes her mother was right, she has a daughter who thinks she's wrong.

Good friends are like stars ....You don't always see them, but you know they are always there.

Remember yesterday, dream about tomorrow, but live for today. Now smile and those of you wasting time at work, suffering from a hangover, or just suffering from life, try the rules above. If they don't work, blame someone else.

Tag:rulesforwomen

Current Mood: Amused

Menu Of The Day - Cerca 1777

With the passage of time, we change our perceptions of things and beliefs as well as customs and habits. Consciously or unconsciously, systematically or hazardously. For better and for worse. With everyday things one takes for granted, and others even more trivial that one never ever bothers to give a second thought of. Coffee for instance. Or the so denominated 'Menu of the day' in a restaurant.

Today nothing could seem more innocent than taking a cup of coffee, at any hour and at any place. But when the first establishments started to offer coffee in Barcelona, in fact the very first one opened it's doors for the public in 1750, by an Italian, Caponato, it was seen as something transgressive, almost sinful. Perhaps in part due to the 'clever' advertising of the beneficial properties of coffee, that's energising, stimulating and, aphrodisiac!

This first cafe was situated in the now very famous Rambla, right in the centre of the city. It took half a century before the number of cafes in Barcelona to have increased to 22, but was still seen and thought of as somewhat 'naughty' or rather daring for people to go to a cafe and drank this strange dark and bitter liquid. It had to be special or peculiar that even Anderson wrote about them.

Soon after there were cafes with singers and later other performers, so going to a cafe was not just for the coffee but to be entertained at the same time. This atmosphere attracted the prostitution, delinquency and epic brawls, while those advertised as Cafe Concerts became social meeting points for the professional class, writers, poets, journalist, reporters, and business people.

As to the restaurants, the first ones appeared in 1777. Carlos Schenone, a chef from Genoa was the first that had implanted a then novelty, the menu of the day, originally concocted to use up the left-overs from the day before!

Tags:coffee,menu

Current Mood: Accomplished

If You Think You Have Heard All Blonde Jokes ...

Blonde on phone: "How long does it take to fly to Hong Kong?"
Travel Agent: "Just a minute, Madam . . ."
Blonde on phone: "Thanks very much".

A blonde goes to the council to register for child benefit.

"How many children?" asks the council worker "10" replies the blonde.

"10???" says the council worker.. "What are their names?"
"Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne"
"Doesn't that get confusing?"
"Naah..." says the blonde. "its great because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY or WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..."
"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed council worker.
"That's easy," says the blonde. "I just use their surnames."

"A banker got confused about mathematics, so he asks his blonde secretary:
"If I give you $3 million less 17%, how much would you take off?" She replies:
"Everything sir ... The dress, the shoes, bra and even my G-string."

A blonde was showing off her new fur coat.
'It was very kind of your husband to buy it for you,' remarked her friend.
'He had to,' replied the blonde. 'I caught him kissing the maid.'
'Did you sack her at once?'
'No,' she said, 'I still need a new car.'

 

A blonde was passing a country estate and saw a sign on the gate. It read: "Please ring bell for the caretaker." She rang the bell and an old man appeared.
"Are you the caretaker?" the blonde asked.
"Yes, I am," replied the old man. "What do you want?"
"I'd just like to know why you can't ring the bell yourself."

Two blondes went into a pub, ordered two beers, took some sandwiches out of their packs and started to eat them. "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here," complained the pub-owner. The two blondes stopped, looked at each other, then swapped their sandwiches.

A blonde was getting into her car, and this bloke says to her 'My car just broke down. Can you give me a lift?' The blonde said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it."

Tag:blondes

Current Mood: Amused

Will I Ever Be A Granny - A Simple Poem

Will I Ever Be A Granny? Will I ever be a granny? With a grandchild on my knee Will I ever watch a grandson smile? And clap his hands with glee Will I be in my rocking chair? With my shawl and frilly lace Or will I still be young enough To have powder on my face? Will I have the strength to lift him? When he toddles to my side Or put out my hand and rub his head When he is restless and tired Will he want to come to granny? To rest his weary head Or perhaps he'll throw a tantrum So he can sleep in granny's bed? Will my legs be strong and steady? When I take him by the hand To watch the hens and ducks feed Off this green and grassy land Will I be able to hear him chatter? When he's telling me of school Or perhaps he's like his father And is stubborn as a mule!   Tag:granny

Current Mood: Contemplative

Mind The Waiter

Have you seen this traffic sign before? It's in Spain. It's rather a good idea for coastal cities and beach towns, where the front row buildings are almost all taken by restaurants, bars and cafes. These establishments are also clever enough to apply for license for the terraces directly opposite them for commercial use, right by the sea front if not exactly on the beach itself; an extension of their business. Even in Madrid, a mountain city with no beaches, but that doesn't stop them have terrace tables and seats, almost as many as those by the beach.

Didn't someone famous say that Spain is a nation of bar goers? There are certainly more bars or eateries than any other business in any area, that makes you wonder how is it possible that they all seem to be full most of the time. I have been to many countries in the world, and I think China is probably the only country that might even top their number of eating & drinking establishments in any given square mile.

Spain is blessed with fine weather in many parts, and the national habit of outdoor living contributes to steady, all the year round business, even in winter when the sun shines just as brilliantly. This means that waiters are working most of the year having to run back and forth across the road every few minutes, with non stop traffic, with a full tray of food and drinks out to the terrace, and empty glasses and plates back. Needless to say this causes great inconvenience to the vehicle drivers and hazards and danger to the waiters.

Let's hope more coastal towns copy the idea and more drivers exercise extra caution.

Tags:waiter,trafficsign

Current Mood: Accomplished

British Humour

Tourist: Can you tell me the way to Bath please? Policeman: Well, first you turn on the hot and cold taps then ... Postman: Is this letter for you? The name is smudged. Man: No, it can't be for me, my name is Smith. There has been a theft at Euro Disney. A man has been charged with taking the Mickey. A woman goes into an antique shop and says to the owner, "when I was in here last week I saw a big mug with a flat head that holds a lot of beer. I'd like to buy it." "Sorry," replied the owner, but I can't sell you that." "Why not?" asked the customer. "Because that's my husband." A man goes into a fish and chip shop and says 'Can I have fish and chips twice please?' The shop owner says, 'I heard you the first time.' A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat. He stopped the car and asked, "Why, Johnny, this wouldn't be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?" "That it is," Johnny replied grimly, "ever since I arrested the judge on his way to the fancy dress ball." "You mean you pinched his honour?" asked Pat. "How was I to know that his convict suit was only a costume?" demanded Johnny. "Well," mused Pat, "It's life and there's a lesson in this somewhere." "That there is," replied Johnny. "Its wise never to book a judge by his cover." A man goes into a fish n chip shop with a salmon under his arm. He asks 'Do you sell fish cakes here?' 'No' was the reply. 'Shame, it's his birthday.' A couple of boys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track when out of the bush's jumped the Game Warden! Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods, and hot on his heels came the Game Warden ... After about a half mile the boy stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thigh's to catch his breath and the Game Warden finally caught up with him... "Lets see yer fishin license, Boy!" the Warden gasped.. With that, the boy pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license.. "Well, son", said the Game Warden, "You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!" "Yes Sir", replied the young fellow," But my friend back there, well, he doesn't have one"... A commercial traveller was passing through a small town when he came upon a huge funeral procession. "Who died?" he asked a nearby local. "I'm not sure," replied the local, "but I think it's the one in the coffin." Tags:britishhumour

Current Mood: Amused

Watson's Logic And Holmes Humour

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes woke up and
nudged his faithful friend awake.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" Holmes questioned.

Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent."

Tags:Logic,Humour

Current Mood: Amused

Infernal Comedy

A concert of arias of Vivaldi, Mozart and Haydn recreated the latest theatrical adventure of John Malkovich, playing Jack Unterweger, a notorious serial killer who, between 1990 to 1992, assassinated at least 9 prostitutes in Austria, in the Czech Republic and in the United States. It's classified as comedy. How can any serial killing be a comedy beats me.

The musical-spectacle production, 'The infernal comedy - Confessions of a serial assassin', opened on Wednesday in Vienna, about the criminal in the infernal hell telling the story of his life, with comical touches in the style of Woody Allen. As counterpoint, the sopranos that represent those women who had the misfortune of crossing the path of the killer, sing classics, like Sposa, Vivaldi and Beethoven, amongst others, about bad treatments of women.

In 1974, Unterweger was condemned to life imprisonment for having strangled a young woman. While in jail he began to write and his text were appreciated by intellectuals of the German language. These soon created a committee, presenting solicitation to commute his sentence. He left prison a free man in 1989 but, within 6 months, a strangled prostitute was discovered. In her underwear, a peculiar knot was found, the same signature sign left on all his previous 9 murders, He was once again condemned to life imprisonment and, in 1994, he committed suicide in his cell. This confirms the supposition that most serial killers, when out of prison for his repeated killing, will near certainty kill again.

Malkovich was given long standing ovation by the audience. His own view of the case is that the society, and the law, had failed in this case causing yet more murders. "Those urging to save Unterweger should be put on trial" he said. I agree.

The 'Infernal comedy' will be part of the scheduled programmes of the annual festival of Castell de Pererada, the local casino of Roses, practically right at my doorstep.

Tags:serialkillers.comedy

Current Mood: Contemplative

Tigers, Birds And Tippi Hedren

The veteran actress Tippi Hedren had such a hard time in Alfred Hitchcock's film, with all those wild birds coming down from the sky like battalions preparing for brutal attack. But she didn't learn her lesson. In 2005 she decided to take charge of 2 tigers that Michael Jackson had in the private zoo in his Neverland Ranch.

Tippi told the AFP agency that she had sat down with the tigers Thriller & Sabu, for a while then told them Michael had gone. She added that although she couldn't be sure how much telepathy exists between people and animals, nor how close the relationship was between Michael and his many animals, but she hoped the tigers understood they would never see him again.

As much an animal lover as herself and always doing all she can to defend their rights, she had frightful experiences with first the birds 'of Hitchcock', so exhausted and horrified after that scene of attack, she had broken down in the middle of the shoot and cried. Then she cried again later, this time even more terrifying, in 1981, when shooting the 'Roar', in which Tippi was both the producer and star, also appeared in it her daughter Melanie Griffith. It tells a story of a zoologists who shared his life with lions, tigers, leopards and jaguars. Once again during the shoot, about a dozen of these animals suddenly decided to chase and attack all those who were present, including Tippi.

It's then that Tippi had the idea of founding a reserve to adopt all the wild animals that had been used on films and later abandoned by the industry. There were then but they continue to incorporate more species.

 

Tags:tiger,birds

Current Mood: Accomplished

The Professor And The Comic

I love comics and greatly respect and admire professors. Not often you find somebody who is good at being both, as that's a rather unusual combination. And, when this somebody is Roberto Benigni, all the more pleasing and amazing. I just love that little guy. He can make me laugh without actually doing anything; just the way he looks, (no doubt carefully calculated look, but always managed to appear natural and spontaneous), his posture, his body language, and the very unique and comical facial expressions reacting to all sounds and sights around him. A true comic, not those who had to forcibly make faces or stick out their tongue, or with outrageously exaggerated gestures, as if they NEED to announce that they are at that moment being funny.

Another theatre art, the one man (or woman) show, the actors and actresses who can hold audience's full attention for 2 solid hours or longer, with nothing more than their monologue, reciting a section of a book or poems, telling a story, or just talking to you as if you are his only audience, opening his heart to you like you are his most intimate and trusted friend. He or she can make you laugh, or cry, or both at the same time. That is an art. But not plastic art, not something you contemplate or listen to without truly involving your own emotions and passions. Few artists can achieve all that and, I never even suspected before, Benigni can and does extremely well.

'Tutto Dante' is his one-man show years ago in Madrid, Spain. The first part of the show was full of his jokes and light hearted observations, punctuated with his own brand of quick wit and humour, and one could detect very cleaver improvisations that might take you a few seconds to catch on, but once you did you were so elated at your own wit, and almost feel grateful that he had allowed you to discover this gift you didn't realize you had.

The 2nd part was more serious, in parts religious. He's the professor that showed you even literature could be fun, when presented with ease of manners and tone, and once again you found that you love poetry more than you thought possible. You are likely to leave the theatre not just feeling you had a grand evening, but you had discovered that the world is not all gloom as the politicians make it out to be, and people and situations are not all bad as all media makes you believe, and you are a better and more gifted person than you thought you were.

Tags:professor,comic

Current Mood: Artistic

Who Says Blondes Are Dumb?

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500!."
Figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Air-phone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his co-workers and friends. All to no avail. After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.
The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?"
Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

Tag:cleverblonde

Current Mood: Amused