29th Feb 2012 Sea Monster & Street Fishtank

Giant Monster in the sea ~

A giant medusa was recently found in the ocean of Japan, a marine animal in the shape of a jellyfish, that has long thin stinging appendages. In Greek Mythology, this had snakes for hair and those who looked at them were turned to stone. This one in the photo weighs 200 kilos and of longer than 2 metres diameter. It was believed that the pollution due to the fast industrial development in the coast of China, especially at the estuary of the Yangtse River has propitiated a favourable environment of procreation of these marine monsters to go towards Japan.

A visual pleasure in the streets ~

 

The most unusual fish-tank in a city street of France was the materialized overnight, by 2 local artists, converting the telephone booth to a fish-tank, a beautiful and delightful living sight for most people who suddenly saw it, but some who actually complained that they now had to go farther on to make a phone call. As always, nothing is never able to please everybody. I love it though, much more beautiful, peaceful and entertaining than a dreary phone booth.

Tags: seamonster, fishtank

Prev: 29th Feb 2012 A Beautiful Tale Of Love
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29th Feb 2012 A Beautiful Tale Of Love

A middle-aged gentleman walked into the make-up section of a department store. The salespeople approached him assuming he was buying goods for his significant other. 

To their surprise, he begged them to teach him how to put on make-up. They were a bit taken aback, but seeing as the store was not particularly bustling at that hour, indulged him. He took detailed notes throughout the rather thorough lesson, and finally at the end they simply couldn't hold it in any longer, and asked what had inspired him to learn this art. 

He replied, 'My dear wife recently lost her sight in a terrible accident, and so she can't put on her own make-up any more. We've been married over two decades, and she knows I think she's the most beautiful woman in the world no matter what, but when we go out nowadays she doesn't have the confidence she used to have. I came here because I want to be able to put her make-up on for her so she can feel as beautiful on the outside as I know she is on the inside.'

Tags: makeuplesson

Prev: 29th Feb 2012 Who Has The Prettiest Right Leg In The World?
Next: 21st Feb 2012 An Irresistible Ad.

29th Feb 2012 Who Has The Prettiest Right Leg In The World?

Angelina Jolie, as always, causes a lot of talk wherever she goes & whatever she does. The dress she wore for the Oscar was the principal topic on Twitter yesterday, 33,000 fans and a new website specially created for (can you believe it) her right leg! - @AngiesRightleg A prediction too in a mini Blog, that with luck for her die-hard fans, soon enough Angie would dazzle the world with her left leg as well.

What a whole load of rubbish, such must have been the thought of the Spanish press, with a huge spread of Photoshop-manipulated photos of other celebrities, to joke and jeer that exhibition, including the statue of Liberty, all showing off their right legs in competition.

Personally, I consider that of the Liberty is the prettiest! Bruce Lee's is not bad either. What do you think?

Tags: legs

Prev: 28th Feb 2012 The Farming Brothers - A Story
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28th Feb 2012 The Farming Brothers - A Story

In days gone by, two brothers, Raul and Johan, who lived on adjoining farms fell into conflict. It was the first serious rift in 35 years of farming side-by-side in central Germany, sharing machinery, and trading labour and goods as needed without a single problem occurring.

However, one autumn, the long collaboration fell apart. It began with a small misunderstanding and it grew into a major difference, and finally it exploded into an exchange of bitter words followed by weeks of silence between the two brothers.

One morning there was a knock on Raul's door. He opened it to find a man holding a carpenter's toolbox. 'I'm looking for a few days work,' Angelis said. 'Perhaps you would have a few small jobs here and there I could help with? Could I help you?'

'Yes,' answered Raul, extremely pleased to see Angelis the carpenter, 'I do have a job for you. Look across the creek at that farm. That's my neighbour, in fact, it's my younger brother, Johan's farm. Last week there was a meadow between us and he took his bulldozer to the river levee and now there is a creek between us. Well, he may have done this to spite me, but I'll go him one better. See that pile of lumber by the barn? I want you to build me a fence; an 8-foot fence, so I won't need to see Johan's place nor his face any more.'

Angelis the carpenter said thoughtfully, 'I think I understand the situation. Show me the nails and the post hole digger and I'll be able to do a job that pleases you.'

Raul had to go to the nearby town, Erfurt, so he helped the carpenter get the materials ready and then he was off for the day. The carpenter worked hard all that day measuring, sawing, nailing, and hammering.

About sunset when Raul returned, the carpenter had just finished his job. The farmer's eyes opened wide, his jaw dropped. There was no fence there at all. It was a bridge: a bridge stretching from one side of the creek to the other. A fine piece of work handrails and all, and the neighbour, his younger brother Johan, was coming across, his hand outstretched. 'You are quite a fellow to build this bridge after all I've said and done.', Johan smiled.

The two brothers stood at each end of the bridge, and then they met in the middle, taking each other's hand. They turned to see the carpenter hoist his toolbox on his shoulder. 'No, wait. Stay a few days. I've a lot of other projects for you,' called Raul.

'I'd love to stay on,' Angelis murmured quietly, 'but, I have many more bridges to build.'

Tags: bridge, brothers

Prev: 28th Feb 2012 Pink Elephant
Next: 21st Feb 2012 An Irresistible Ad.

28th Feb 2012 Pink Elephant

Seeing Pink Elephants

If a friend tells you he is "seeing pink elephants", then this is serious. What it means is, he is suffering delirium trembles. The condition and the accompanying hallucinations are caused by alcohol poisoning. Up till recently, most people think 'pink elephant' meant something not needed nor wanted, like a gift you don't know what to do with. 

 

Baby Pink Elephant

Cameraman Mike Holding had definitely not been drinking when he captured these photos of a pink elephant in northern Botswana, Africa. Experts believe it is probably an albino, which is an extremely rare phenomenon in African elephants. While albinism is thought to be fairly common in Asian elephants, it is much less common in the larger African species. 

 

Here we see the baby pink elephant attempting to shelter under its mother because surviving is very difficult in the harsh African bush as the glaring sun may cause blindness and skin problems.

Rare baby pink elephant in the photo is mighty cute isn't he? incidentally, his brother looks like Dumbo!

Tags: pinkelephant

Prev: 28th Feb 2012 A Farmer's Wise Donkey
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28th Feb 2012 A Farmer's Wise Donkey

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out a way to get him out. Finally he decided it was probably impossible and the animal was old and the well was dry anyway, so it just wasn't worth it to try and retrieve the donkey. So the farmer asked his neighbours to come over and help him cover up the well. They all grabbed shovels and began to shovel dirt into the well. 

At first, when the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down and let out some happy brays. A few shovel loads later, the farmer looked down the well to see what was happening and was astonished at what he saw. With every shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was shaking it off and taking a step up. 

As the farmer's neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he continued to shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, to everyone's amazement, the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off. 

I think that the moral of this tale is: Life is going to shovel dirt on you. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Through applying wisdom every adversity can be turned into a stepping stone. The way to get out of the deepest well is by never giving up but by shaking yourself off and taking a step up.

What happens to you isn't nearly as important as how you react to it. And, as after thought, what idiot invented the stupid term of 'Dumb Ass'?

 

Tags: well, donkey

Prev: 27th Feb 2012 Barbara's Pie - For Londoners
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27th Feb 2012 Barbara's Pie - For Londoners

Barbara, during her nurse's training at a hospital just outside Washington, DC, had little money for meals, so she often resorted to the food provided at the hospital refectory, even though she had a great dislike for its rather bland taste.

Barbara often took her breaks in the kitchen, and sometimes kindly visitors would give her some of the treats they had brought for patients who had not wanted to eat them.

On one particular evening an English woman, from the East end of London, brought a home made pie to the kitchen and said to Barbara, 'Would you eat this up, love?' 

Barbara and her student friend devoured every last delicious crumb.

Soon their benefactor returned, however, and asked, 'Is me 'usband's pie 'ot yet, dearie?'

 

(I forgot to tell you before that you need to know East End London accent to understand this little story!)

Tags: pie, eastendlondon

Prev: 27th Feb 2012 A Man And His Bike
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27th Feb 2012 A Man & His Bike

Enjoy an amazing ride on a bike ...
What imagination, reflexes and skill! This is insane, and the guy is no young kid either...... Plus the added bonus of some great shots of Scotland. His bike is an extension of his body.

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=Cj6ho1-G6tw&vq=medium

27th Feb 2012 Big Frank

Big Frank was having his hair styled at the hairdresser's when a lorry smashed into a car, outside. Draped in a cape, his hair divided with aluminium clips, Frank, an ex-paratrooper corporal raced out to the car and found the driver unhurt.

The lorry driver, however, was slumped over the wheel, unconscious. Big Frank lost no time in applying his army acquired CPR techniques, including mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. The lorry driver recovered consciousness several times, but kept passing out again.

Soon the ambulance arrived with the paramedics and took over, and Frank returned to his barber's seat. 'I just don't understand why he kept passing out,' he said to the hairdresser. 'I did everything they taught me.'

'Well, put yourself in the lorry driver's place, 'said the hairdresser. 'He's driving down the street without a care in the world. The next thing he knows, he's waking up to see some big guy in a green cape with a head full of wires pounding on his chest and kissing him. You'd pass out too'

Tags: bigfrank

Prev: 27th Feb 2012 Airline 'Gripe Sheet' Humour
Next: 21st Feb 2012 An Irresistible Ad.

27th Feb 2012 Airline 'Gripe Sheet' Humour

I came across this old Blog while I was trying to find the rest of my 100 word stories. A re-post, but it's just as funny as when I read it the last time.

Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet", which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' Pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.

Pilots: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

Engineers: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

Pilots: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

Engineers: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft

Pilots: Something loose in cockpit.

Engineers: Something tightened in cockpit.

 

Pilots: Dead bugs on wind-shield.

Engineers: Live bugs on back-order.

Pilots: Auto-pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

Engineers: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

 

Pilots: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

Engineers: Evidence removed.

Pilots: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

Engineers: That's what they're for.

 

Pilots: Suspected crack in wind-shield.

Engineers: Suspect you're right.

Pilots: Number 3 engine missing.

Engineers: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

 

Pilots: Aircraft handles funny.

Engineers: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

Pilots: Target radar hums

Engineers: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

 

Pilots: Mouse in cockpit.

Engineers: Cat installed.

And perhaps, to me, the funniest one ... Or is it the cat & mouse?

Pilot:. Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

Engineers: Took hammer away from midget

 

Tags: gripesheet

Prev: 26th Feb 2012 The EuroVegas Project - Again ... Still ...
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26th Feb 2012 The EuroVegas Project - Again ... Still .....

After days of countless 'Yes, No, Perhaps, Maybe, If, Might, Possibly ... and all the what if's and How about's ...' It will seem that it's more likely than not, that the very controversial EuroVegas project would be going ahead. All depending on the final decision of millionaire Mr. Adelson and, of course, the Catalan authorities who had already offered 800 hectares of ground and full cooperation.

With the prolong economic crises and historic high figure of unemployment, the whole country and it's people are desperate. The offer promised of at least 250,000 jobs and 10,000 new apartments for part of the staff when it opens are extremely tempting, and before that almost as many jobs to have the place built up and suitably equipped, would surely ease the immediate blacker than black reality and a foreseeable troubled future.

 

I don't envy the authorities who have to repressed their original indignation, forthright opposition and later modified their tone to eventually approving the project 'for a better future' of the people'. I can't help thinking wouldn't it be a huge knock on the head on the up till now the biggest and most impressive and popular amusement Park, the 'Tibidabo', with 450 hotels, all all variety of restaurants, cafes and entertainment, sort of a mini version of Las Vegas, but without the attraction, or vice, of the casinos, 15 minute instant marriages officiated by Elvis look-alike priest and 10 minute divorces.

And What about the great Colon in the vecinity, and the world known 'Sagrada Familia' Cathedral? Perhaps the EuroVegas will construct another Sagrada Familia, not through the centuries but in 15 days.

Tags: sagradafamilia, eurovegas

Prev: 26th Feb 2012 Common Knowledge?
Next: 21st Feb 2012 An Irresistible Ad.

26th Feb 2012 Common Knowledge?

Common Knowledge ~

Q. 'What is Hitler's first name?
A. 'Heil.' 

Phone Text Message From A Friend:

'I've just been arrested and charged with being the ugliest man in Britain - please come down to the police station and prove them wrong.'

The winner ~ 

 

'Waiter, this lobster has only one claw!'

'Sir, it must have been in a fight.

'Well then, bring me the winner.'

 

In The Courtroom ~

Lawyer: What gear were you in at the moment of the car crash?
Defendant: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. 

Have you heard this one? ~

Two West Country yokels were on the train heading homewards through Somerset, England when one of them noticed some cows.
'What a lovely bunch of cows.' he remarked.
'Not a bunch, herd,' his mate replied.
'Heard of what?'
'Herd of cows.'
'Of course I've heard of cows.'
'No, a cow herd.'
'What do I care what a cow heard. I have no secrets to keep from a cow.'

A Simple question ~

 

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

 

Tags: commonknowledge

Prev: 26th Feb 2012 The Fisherman & The Tourist
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26th Feb 2012 The Fisherman & The Tourist

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist, Tony, complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them. 'Not very long,' answered Gener, the fisherman.

'Then why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?' asked Tony. Gener explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family. 

Tony inquired, 'But what do you do with the rest of your time?'

'I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings I go into the village to see my friends, dance a little, play the guitar, and sing a few songs. I have a full life.' 

Tony interrupted rather rudely, 'I have a Business Studies degree and I can help you. You should start by fishing longer every day. You can sell the extra fish you catch. With the revenue, you can buy a bigger boat, catch even more fish. With the extra money you will soon be able to buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middleman, you can negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Cancun, Acapulco, Los Angeles, or even New York City. From there you can direct your huge enterprise.' 

'How long would that take?' wondered Gener, the Mexican fisherman. 'Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years,' replied Tony condescendingly. 'And after that?' Gener asked.

'After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the sea, sleep late, fish a little, play with your grandchildren, take a siesta with your wife, and spend your evenings in the village, dancing, playing the guitar, and singing with your friends.' 

Would 'Food For Thought' be an apt title for this story?

Tags: fisherman, tourist

Prev: 25th Feb 2012 Art Value - News TipBits This Week
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25th Feb 2012 Art Value - News TipBits This Week

Market value of art ~

The Chinese artist Zhang Daqian tops the art market value achieving the highest figure in auctions of 2011 (415,68 million €) according to the Artprice Report. This ousted the art sale value of the world famous painter Pablo Picasso's 1st place, 13 times during the past 14 years. Following Zhang was his compatriot Qi Baishi (382,473 million €). Picasso is in the 4th place (35,892 million €).

25 Years without Warhol ~

 

Hailed as 'King Of Pop Art' in his day, now on the 25th anniversary of his death at the very young age of 57, his work still fascinates and maintains sure value in the art market.

If one has to select just 2 names as the most significant and profitable artists in the 20th century, there's no doubt these are Pablo Picasso & Andy Warhol, in that order. Their works are ranked in 2010 to be the most sought after and fetched the highest market value in auctions.

But things have changed, and the epicentre of the the art market is moving towards the East, with China being the most active and profitable in art sales, quite ahead of the US and England, leaders in the past since the 50's. Consequently Chinese artists are fast gaining ground. In 2010 Warhol took up the 3rd place, and Picasso the 4th in 2011.

 

Tags: chinese, picasso, artmarket, warhol

Prev: 25th Feb 2012 Thinking Still About Warhol ...
Next: 21st Feb 2012 An Irresistible Ad.25th

25th Feb 2012 Thinking Still About Warhol ...

I was talking about art market in an earlier Blog today, while the art world commemorates the 25th anniversary of his death. Today we have sufficient perspective to evaluate his legacy. What Andy Warhol represented for the visual culture of the 20th century? A lot. He was in a way a lawbreaker, regarding art as business and broke all rules established for art. He paid more Value on conceptual images extracted from publicity, using a rapid productive technique with ink like serigraphy, method of printing by pressing ink through a silk pattern.

Warhol is actually in all sorts of places today, in advertisements, in Photoshop, in TV realities, in electoral campaigns ... He understood more than anyone that our life is like a television programme and we are all entitled, at least, to 15 minutes of fame.

 

But what exactly Warhol represents in the art history? Little, I think, brought in something new to the established tradition as the great maestros of the 20th century did like Picasso, Miro, Dali, Pollock, Rothko ... No. Warhol not only ignore it but he reversed the art value appreciated till then: uniqueness, technique, and iconography; dismantling traditional scaffolding, converting all in business: money, pure & simple.

He was the only artist in the art history who painted portraits of famous people he didn't even know, as he wasn't interested in capturing their soul, just selling their image. Why was he then liked by so many? So popular? I think it's because his work was so recognisable, so iconic. A child can recognise his images as well as a rich art buyer who likes to possess paintings that his friends know perfectly the value of. Warhols like Ferraris.

 

Tags: dali, miro, picasso, warhol

Prev: 25th Feb 012 A Joke - Or Is It?
Next: 21st Feb 2012 An Irresistible Ad.

25th Feb 2012 A Joke - Or Is It?

Do you think it's funny that ...

 

Very recently a Spanish radio with maximum audience rating staged a joke which the programmers must have thought very funny; to me, it's just the exact opposite, insensitive and degrading to their position and human decency. A joke in very bad taste.

One of the production team staff of the programme went out to the street, to collect funds, then presented himself at the Embassy of Greece to deposit the money collected, to help that country in serious financial debt.

 

While Spain is just on the point of declaring war with France for their puppetry against the Spanish sportsmen, yet they themselves are now making fun of Greece, when Spain has just indicated that the unemployment figure here is reaching 6 million, a historical high.

 

Tags: spain, badjoke, greece

Prev: 25th Feb 2012 Berlin - A Pictorial Animation Presentation
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A Friend's Advice ~

"My wife died yesterday .... I am trying to cry but tears are not coming out! This will look real bad in the funeral. What do I do?"

"No problem. Just imagine she came back."

 

The Man That Can't die ~

Jackson saw an old friend walking along the sea front at Southsea. 'Hello Harry,' he said, 'How are you?' It was only then that Jackson realised that Harry only had one leg ! 

'What happened to you?' he inquired. 'My wife left me so I jumped in front of a train but it only took my leg off.' 

Jackson then noticed that Harry only had one hand and in its place was a hook. 'What happened to your hand?' he asked.

'I tried it again, 'he replied,' and the train just took my hand off.' 

Jackson, again noticed that Harry also had a glass eye. 'What's up with your eye?' he asked, this time with considerable trepidation. 

'Well,' said the Harry, 'after two attempts to take my life I thought God doesn't want me to die, so I looked to the sky and said 'thank you, God', and a passing seagull made a deposit right in my eye ! ! ! 

'But you can't loose an eye through bird muck.' insisted Jackson.

Harry looked down at the floor and said, 'I'd only had the hook for three days!'

Tags: blackhumour

Prev: 4th Feb 2012 Commandments For My Dog (my re-post with illustrations stolen from Asbo Mick)
Next: 21st Feb 2012 An Irresistible Ad.

24th Feb 2012 Commandments For My Dog

Thou shalt not act half starved whenever thou watchest me eat.

`Thou shalt not lift thy leg to water the Christmas tree.

Thou shalt not roll in any smelly stuff thy findeth in the yard.

Thou shalt not lie down next to me and commence making
licking and popping noises.

Thou shalt not dig up my favorite rose bush.

Thou shalt not treat my shoes as if they were thy chew toy.

Thou shalt not drink out of the toilet.

Thou shalt keep thy nose out of the cat's litter box.

Thou shalt not WATCHEST the cat while she is in her litterbox.
(she liketh her privacy)

Thou shalt not pass gas in my presence and then walk away as if thou
hast been offended by me!

Thou shalt not run away in pursuit of a good time. (thou hast been neutered)

Thou shalt refrain from coughing and gagging while we have company.

Thou shalt not hide thy bones under my pillow.

Thou shalt not sniff the crotch of everyone thy encountereth.

Thou shalt not sneak up on me and lick me in the
mouth while I am sleeping.

Thou shalt not harmonize with the cat at 3 a.m.

Thou shalt refrain with becoming overly friendly
with my mother-in-law's leg.

no! no! bad dog!

Don't smell crotches, don't eat plants.
Don't steal food or underpants.
Don't eat my socks, don't grab my hair!
Don't rip the stuffing from the chair.
Don't chew my shoes, what is this mush?
Eat your cookies, drink your drink,
Outta the toilet! Outta the sink!
Away from the litterbox, it's for the cat.|
(And must you kiss me after that!?)
Raising a puppy is not for the lazy,
Those rugrats are funny but also quite crazy.
Don't despair through the toil and the strife,
Cause after three years, you'll get back your life.
So let's go for walkies so you can do your "thing."
And maybe I'll get back my good diamond ring!

Prev: 24th Feb 2012 Let Me Have A Kilo Of Shakespere Please
Next: 21st Feb 2012 An Irresistible Ad.

24th Feb 2012 Let Me Have A Kilo Of Shakespeare Please

Recently, just around midnight in the centre of Barcelona, one can see some people dragging large and seemingly heavy plastic bags, similar to those used for rubbish, to the wall of one of those convents which, in the old days, kept vigil on the mental health of the district. They then empty out the contents, all of it books, and pile them neatly and orderly along the wall, and leave. They are books of all types, mainly literature or specialised titles, no cheap holiday pocket versions one throws out after the journey or in the middle of it. These all in good condition, obviously belonged to people or establishments that had taken good care of them.

 

These books would all be taken away comes the morning by whoever want them. It's obvious that less people today read books, especially literature, quite unlike the old days. There are far more things to do now to past the time and far more ways to get information, easily and quickly. There are also E-books now or read anything you wish on-line. I don't doubt that there are still people who love and treasure books, I am one of them, and this to me is almost good news, except that Barcelona is too far away for early morning treasure hunt for me.

Apparently there are also a couple of shops that sell used books by weight. As a side line of course. They put these books in several categories, like history, biography, literature, detective ... or by names of famous authors. Books you choose would be weighed on a scale and you pay for the weight. Prices are different depending on the value put on the book content or the author, or how well known the books are. 

I don't how much is a kilo of Shakespeare or Gone with the wind plus Harry Potter; the idea is somewhat absurd but nevertheless fascinating. And truly sad. 

Tags: kilo, shakespeare, books

Prev: 23rd Feb 2012 My 100 Word Fiction Stories (For Marcus Who Requested Them)
Next: 21st Feb 2012 An Irresistible Ad.

23rd Feb 2012 My 100 Word Fiction Stories (Requested by Marcus)

http://moimoiis.multiply.com/journal/item/142

1st of the 100 word story before it's shortened to 100 words

http://moimoiis.multiply.com/journal/item/141

The Story That's Not A Story

http://moimoiis.multiply.com/journal/item/134
The Tree Of Life

http://moimoiis.multiply.com/journal/item/141
Beam me up, with explanations

http://moimoiis.multiply.com/journal/item/1311

Zasha's Storyhttp://moimoiis.multiply.Com/journal/item/1317

http://moimoiis.multiply.com/journal/item/1317

15 Seconds of Stupor

http://moimoiis.multiply.com/journal/item/2752/12th_Jan_2011_Material_For_A_Romantic_Novel?&item_id=2752&view:replies=reverse

You might enjoy this one, although it's not a 100 word story.

Tags: 100wordstories, links

Prev: 23rd Feb 2012 Thursday - The Day For Sex
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23rd Feb 2012 Thursday - The Day For Sex

If you, like me, had not discovered before today the information announced by the School of Economic & Political Science, London, that today, Thursday, to be more precise, in the early hours of any Thursday, is the best time to have sex. Damn! You, I and a great number of people have lost a whole week till the next Thursday!

The London School of Economic & Political Science is a highly respected institution since 1900, with category of universal faculty, linked to the University of London. All professors there are of the highest class and have rendered some of the most important scientific inputs. Before, experts predicted, presaged, or prophesied. Now, everybody knows a lot more than in the past, we have to admit that some prophesies were over-alarming and often caused serious harm or, on the light side, resulted later to be ridicules or laughable.

Being no expert of any kind of science, I am sure I am not the only one either, on what bases this particular and rather strange affirmation of Thursday being the best day for sex is based on. Even so precise that the first hours of Thursday is the period when one's libido is at it's peak. Apparently something to do with the level of male testosterone reaching the maximum and the female oestrogen multiply by five. Do these gender chemicals fall asleep for a whole week then suddenly wake up for the dance on Thursdays?

Those poor sods that work night shifts! Can they demand double pay on Thursdays like having to work on a Sunday? And those who work normal hours, I wonder how many would show up at work late?

Tags: thursdaysex

Prev: 22nd Feb 2012 Giggles Of The Day - 2
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22nd Feb 2012 Giggles Of The Day -2

The missing husband ~

Last week, Vicky, a distraught wife went to the local police station in Wigan, Lancashire, along with her next-door neighbour, Pauline, to report that her husband was missing.

The policeman asked for a description of the missing man.

Vicky described him clearly and in detail, 'He is 35 years old, 6ft 4inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is softly-spoken and is fabulous with the children.

Pauline interrupts her protesting, 'Why Vicky, your husband is 5 ft 8 inches, corpulent, bald, has a big mouth, and is horrid to your children.

Vicky replied, with a sigh, 'Yes, but who wants HIM back?'

 Another missing husband ~

Norman Hammond was visiting the cemetery near Chester in England and he couldn't help noticing a man kneeling in front of a gravestone, clasping his hands and sobbing. Norman went a bit closer and could hear what the man was saying. 'Why did you have to die?' he was repeating, 'Why did you have to die?'

Feeling he ought to do something to alleviate the man's obvious distress Norman laid his hand on the his shoulder saying gently, 'Was it someone 

you loved very much?'

The man looked up at him and said, 'No, I never met him, he was my wife's first husband.'

 

Why people always jokes about the Irish? ~ 

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman set up in business as furniture removal men.

On their first job when the householder saw the Englishman and the Scotsman struggling to carry a wardrobe upstairs, she asked them, 'Where is the Irishman?'

'Oh, he's in the wardrobe ...' said the Englishman,
'Stopping the wire coat-hangers from rattling.' quickly added the Scotsman.

Tags: giggles2

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22nd Feb 2012 Giggles Of The Day

Learn to read the signs ~

Geoff had six children and was very proud of his achievement. He was so proud of himself that for years he called his wife, Anita, "Mother of Six," in spite of her regular objections.

One evening, in their retirement years, they go to a party. It is late and Geoff is ready to go home and wants to find out if Anita is ready to leave as well.

Geoff bellows at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home, Mother of Six?'

Anita, greatly irritated by Geoff's lack of discretion over so many years, yells back at him, 'Anytime you're ready, "Father of Four".'

An American visits Australia ~

Bart, a Texan farmer goes to Australia for a acation. There he meets a Shane, an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, 'Oh yeah. We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large.'

Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Shane shows off his herd of cattle. Bart immediately says, 'We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows.'

The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field and so he asks, 'And what are those?'

The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, 'Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas?'

A Long Drive ~

Many years ago Terry Wogan, an Irish radio presenter, said he had just returned from a holiday in Ireland. Visiting some friends and making conversation with the taxi driver, he said it was a long drive.

The taxi driver replied: "Sure, but if it wasn't as long it wouldn't reach the house"!!

 

Tags: giggles

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21st Feb 2012 The Worry Tree - A Story

Paresh, an Indian carpenter I once hired to help me restore my old farmhouse had just finished a difficult and hard first day on the job. A flat tyre on his lorry made him lose an hour of work, his electric saw packed in, and now his ancient pickup truck refused to start. While I drove him home, Paresh sat in stony, thoughtful silence. 

On arriving, Paresh, in the way of all Indian gentlefolk, invited me in to meet his family. As we walked toward the front door, he paused briefly at a small tree, touching the tips of the branches with both hands. 

When opening the door to his home, he underwent an amazing transformation. His tanned face wreathed in smiles and he hugged his two small children and gave his wife a kiss. 

After a cup of tea, he walked me to my car. We passed the tree and my curiosity got the better of me. I asked him about what I had seen him do earlier. 

'Oh, that's my trouble tree,' Paresh replied. 'I know I can't help having troubles on the job, but one thing for sure, troubles don't belong in the house with my wife and the children. So I just hang them on the tree every night when I come home. Then in the morning I pick them up again. Funny thing is', he smiled winningly, 'when I come out in the morning to pick them up, there aren't nearly as many as I remember hanging up the night before.'

Tags: worrytree

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21st Feb 2012 Love Is Like Measles

• Love is like the measles; we all have to go through it.
• On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key.
• I don't have a solution, but I certainly admire the problem.
• Pay no attention to what the critics say; no statue has ever been erected to a critic.
• Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
• Is life worth living? It all depends on the liver.
• If you dig a hole for someone else, you'll fall into it.
• Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
• There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating: people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing.
• Life is far too important to be taken seriously.
• When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
• The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.
• I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure
• I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
• Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.Lo

 

Tags: measles, love, life

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21st Feb 2012 Irish Mail / Male Order

Mail / Male Order?

Two Irish men, Kearney and O'Riordan were looking at a Mail order catalogue and admiring the models. Kearney remarks to O'Riordan, 'Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalogue?' 

O'Riordan replies, 'Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price.' 

Kearney says, with wide eyes, 'Wow, they aren't very expensive. At this price, I'm buying one.' 

O'Riordan, smiles and pats him on the back. 'Good idea. Order one and if she's as beautiful as she is in the catalogue, I will get one too.' 

Three weeks later, Kearney, the youngest of the two asks his friend, O'Rordan, 'Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from that catalogue?' 

O'Riordan replies with a glint in his eye, 'No, but it shouldn't be long now. She sent all her clothes yesterday.' 

Tags: mailorder

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