Tuesday, 30 April 2013

Celebration & Text Codes

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** Celebration ~

Jimmy takes his wife Susan to a disco on their 30th anniversary.
There's an old guy on the dance floor giving it everything - break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works.

Susan turns to her husband and says:
"See that guy? 30 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down for you."
Jimmy replies, "Looks like he's still celebrating!!!

He slept on the sofa that night and no breakfast waiting for him the next morning.

** Senior Text Codes ~

Jimmy didn't do that well with his smart-ass remark, but he thought some helpful texting ideas might redeem himself to win back the wife's favour like the young & cool having their acronyms in texting coding. So he made a list of these for her: ~
* ATD - At the Doctor's
* BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
* BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
* BYOT - Bring Your Own Teeth
* DWI - Driving While Incontinent
* FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
* FYI - Found Your Insulin
* LOL - Living on Lipitor
* ROFL...CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
* TOT - Texting on Toilet
* WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oiling

Hope you find these helpful, he added at the end: GGLKI (Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking in!)

You can probably guess what happens to him this time!

Tag:TextCodes

Nobel Of Peace & Scarlette

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Some one was saying, not to anyone in particular, whether anybody knows when the annual Concert of Peace in Oslo will be celebrated this year. Nobody seemed to know, nor did I. But I remember the one years ago, in 2008 I think, which impressed me very much - the music, the ambience, the glittering star & celebrity attendance and, not the least, Scarlette Johansson's wit.

There were a great number of luminaries, film stars, legendary singers and celebrities in various fields attended this annual Concert of Peace, in honour of the Nobel of Peace winner, Martti Athisaari, ex-president and mediator of Finland. The Hollywood star Scarlette Johansson of the 'Vicky Barcelona' fame presented the ceremony, together with the veteran British actor Michael Caine.

The 5,000 audiences were highly entertained, not just by the brilliance of the concert, and the presence of more stars than in the sky, but also by the brief exchange of banter between Scarlette and Athisaari, which brought quite a lot of hearty chuckle, when she referred to the Nobel winner citing Woody Allen's phrase that "Optimists are pessimists in disguise". When Athisaari responded " I should discuss this with Allen " to which Scarlette said: " Better not; against Allen you have absolutely no possibility of winning!"

The Norwegian capital customarily celebrate this event every year, to make the message more accessible, as the concert is viewed by international audiences of more than 100 countries. Scarlette also added in her opening speech that mediation is the best way to avoid conflicts, possibility of which the United States had not used in recent years. Subtly put but poignant.

Fifty Shades Of Grey - A Hilarious Poem By Pam Ayre

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The missus bought a Paperback,
down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag;
... T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".

Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread ...

In her left she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.

Well fifty years or so ago.
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
She's eighty four next week!!

Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!

She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said:
I am a dominator!!

Now if you knew our Mabel,
You'd see just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I'd uttered.

She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit,
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left tit!

Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My God what had I done?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
"Step on the other one"!!

Well readers, I can't Tell no more;
About what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair
Turned fifty shades of grey!!!
 
Tags:Poem,Concert

Monday, 29 April 2013

Mona Lisa In America

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"What do you call a sheep with no legs?"
"A cloud."

"Doctor, I have a serious problem, I can never remember what I have just said."
"When did you first notice this problem?"
"What problem?"

"What is the difference between man and Superman?"
"Man wears his underwear under his trousers, Superman wears it over his trousers."

"How do you know if you are a red neck?"
"You go to the family reunion to find a date."

Sam: "Would you punish me for something I didn't do?"
Teacher: "No, of course not."
Sam: "Good, I didn't do my homework."

"What is green and smells?"
"Hulk not having had a bath for a week."

"Why did the elephant bring toilet paper to a party?"
"He was a party pooper."

He is so short he has to look up to to look down."
She is so thin she has to run around the shower to get wet.
She is so fat every time she turns around it's her birthday.

Parenting:- A mother is cleaning her teenage daughter's room when she finds a bondage
magazine hidden under the bed. She shows it to her husband and asks him what he thinks they should do.

After flicking through the magazine her husband says, 'To be honest I'm not sure, but I don't think spanking her is going to help.'
PhotobucketPhotobucket Tags:Monalisa

Nice One, George!

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Having a car run into the back of the one you are driving is not necessarily a bad thing. At least a lady in Italy didn't think so. This happened to her some time ago, in the centre of Italy, when the car behind her, driven by the charismatic Hollywood heart-throb George Clooney, bumped into the back of hers. He might be wearing high heels, not quite the ideal shoe for the gas pedal.

According to the British popular newspaper the Daily Telegraph, the damage caused was only superficial. George Clooney immediately left his car and came over, profusely apologised, and admitting fault for the accident and accepting full responsibility.

The lady took her car, a Lancia Ypsilon to a garage to have the 'small imperfections' repaired. When she went back to collect it, she found a brand new one of the same model, valued at €18,000, waiting for her. There was a note stuck on the windshield, handwritten by George Clooney (presumably) and signed, once again apologizing, in the best style of a perfect gentleman and Cassanova:

"I am sorry. I hope one day you would forgive me."

I bet that note alone would be valued by her as another €18,000. Maybe considered priceless.

As to that admirable gentleman, I reckon he should get back manyfold the sum he paid out in the best publicity worldwide. A win win story.

Tags:georgeclooney,publicity

Saturday, 27 April 2013

It All Started With A Cat ...

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Lee Israel, who years ago had aqcuired certain reputation as biographer of old time celebrities, renowned politicians, famous authors, screen and stage actors, rock stars ... had written a book called: 'Can you ever forgive me? - Memories of a literary falsifier'. Her own story, written after she had been discovered by the FBI, and condemned to 5 years of conditional liberty and 6 months of house arrest.

It all started with a cat, Doris. It refused to eat, and her owner Lee Israel, had no money to pay the vet's bill. She was 50, had had a few financial mishaps, then bordering on total ruin, and addicted to Gin.

One day, while looking for information for a book in the library, Lincoln centre, near her apartment in the Upper West side of Manhattan, she hid 3 letters of an actress Fanny Brice in her own note file, left the library and went straight to a merchant who dealt with ancient documents, authentic autobiographies or signed copies of the famous or inminent. The letters were immediately sold.

The merchant wanted more originals. Israel thought it was much easier to falsify than to steal them. Thus started her brief - but productive - career of a literary falsifier. Between 1990 to 1991 she falsified some 400 letters, amongst other actors like Louise Brooks and Humphrey Bogart, writers like Dorothy Parker and dramatist like Noel Coward.

The success of the firm was such that 2 of the letters, supposedly hand written by Coward, were included in 'The Letters of Noel Coward', the volume published and edited by Barry Day, one of his most laborious and most reputable work.

Her latest book detailed all she had done in 129 pages, including the who, the when and the how. This book had infuriated many honest merchants and biographers, voicing their disbelief how a reputable and prestigious publisher like Simon & Schuster rewarded Israel by editing the memories of her shameful doings. Eve Golden wrote a letter for the literary supplement of The New York Times, that she likes to see Israel's head under the stone cutter in front of the New York Public Library.

Others had doubts re. the total veracity of her account. After all she was a very competent writer and a book like this surely sells like hot cakes for it's controversy alone. While those merchants who had actually been involved would certainly keep their unconditional silence.

In the world of plastic art, falsification is nothing new. It's almost a tradition. In paintings mostly, not as much in text perhaps. One of the most noted precedency of falsified text was 'The Diary of Hitler', which, in the beginning of the 80's, had even been authenticated by historians!

The method she used was always the same. Sought out original letters from achieves and libraries, with transparent paper copied the signatures. Later studied the person and her style of writing, all very similar to her normal task as a biographer. At first she falsified existing letters, then she ventured out to invent them, based on the real ones. In the case of Dorothy Parker, she centred it in the years when Parker lived in Hollywood in the 60's, rubbing shoulders with other celebrities, affording her ampler and jucier material, always respecting some true elements. As she called it: "Truth in the wider sense"

She wrote that the most fun she had was falsifying the 150 letters of Coward, as she had to take great care to stick to his English verbalism and his special brand of sharp, and sometime black, British humour, of which Coward was well famed of. She must be having too much fun as, precisely because she falsified so many letters of Coward, one had been read by a friend who knew Coward quite well and instantly raised suspicion that Coward should be talking about his homosexuality, which in real life he never admitted to. She herself thought it strange later that it had taken so long for this to be discovered. The more controversial the contents, the higher price the merchants could fetch. She reckoned they were making too much money becoming careless whom they sold the letters to.

When asked whether she regretted having done what she did, she said only for stealing from libraries, not the falsification, during the period of which she had turned out the best work of her whole career to date, a better falsifier than a wirter; she herself so puts it.

First the fault of the cat. Later the blame on book merchants. I begin to have doubt that her new book asking for forgiveness was genuine.

Tags:falsifier,noelcoward,autobiography

Breaking Into Prison

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I was lunching in a restaurant owned by a long time Chinese friend of mine, although we saw each other very rarely, as his restaurant is quite some distance from my home. I inquired after his father, whose name I read in the newspaper one day for having killed his 2nd wife and had been in prison for the last few years. Amazingly, my friend told me he's still locked up, but had been happier than ever!!

How strange and sad today's world is, that even a prison seems to be preferable to some than to live life a free man, to be exposed to loneliness, desperation, social and financial problems and countless other factors, real or imaginary. Even though this was not the case of my friend's father, but loneliness was; no relatives, no friends due to lack of knowledge of Spanish. Bad news seems the norm of the day these days, I still feel shocked each and every time I hear or see what I think is totally illogical incidents or crimes, committed out of human character and behaviour.

My friend's father is much happier in prison where he has all his days well organised and planned for, good and adequate food served 3 times a day, plus a snack at mid afternoon as is the Spanish custom, called "Merienda"; plenty of company, exercise and entertainment, medical assistance always at hand, even computer if you have been a good boy and earned your privilege. He declared that he was happy to stay as long as he could convince the authority to let him. The illogical and tragic point is, that he is not the only one, definitely odd to say the least.

Another 64 year old Spanish man who had been in hospital for the past couple of years had been declared cured and fit to leave. The day before he killed his roommate, another long-term patient, a 83 year old man. He immediately and calmly admitted the crime and said that he had no choice but to commit a serious crime so as to "earn" the right to be locked up. He has no family, no friends, nowhere to go, and impossible to get a job at his age.

Makes you wonder doesn't it? How many crimes, big or small, are committed on the sole purpose of being sent to jail where they can at least expect food and lodging? What kind of society do we have that prison becomes a solution for poverty or loneliness?

Or is the outside world, the free and democratic one, the one supposedly provides a safe environment and protects it's members from harm and desperation, more frightening and demoralizing than that of a prison, where they are indeed being watched over, their daily basic needs provided for, their health being checked and attended to, their human rights rigidly upheld, even though they are thieves, robbers, falsifiers, swindlers, gangsters, delinquents, rapists, terrorists and murderers?

Even the mentality of such people is in question. It's just not natural or normal. Why has the world become so scary to them? Is anybody or anything, the society, the constitution system that had failed to educate these people to more positive thinking? That they need self help and not rely on being supported throughout their lives?

As usual I have more questions than answers!

Tags:questions,answers,prison

Sonnet & Vows

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** Sonnet of the Seven Creeds **

"Be pure," said Zoroaster, "Pure as fire,"
"Be just," said Jahveh, "Just as him that speaks,"
"Be wise," said Buddha, "Wiser than desire,"
"Be beautiful," said Orpheus to his Greeks.
"Be loving," said the founder of our creed,
"Be true," commanded the Osirian three,
"Be one with me," said Brahma, " and indeed
Thou shalt be one with all, and all with thee."
Lo, as the seven colored rays unite
To form one ray of pure and perfect light,
So in the mystic sunlight of the soul
The seven creeds become the perfect whole:
Pure, just and wise, and beautiful, and kind
True, and united in the Cosmic Mind. Anonymous

** Four vows **

However innumerable sentient beings are, I vow to save them.

However inexhaustible delusions are, I vow to cut them off.

However infinite are the gates of wisdom, I vow to master them all.

However incomparable is the way of awakening, I vow to attain it.

Tags:Sonnet,Vows

Desiderata - Wisdom Of Max Ehrmann

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** Desiderata - by Max Ehrmann **

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Tag:Desiderata

Friday, 26 April 2013

The Alphabet Of Friendship

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** The Alphabet Of friendship **

(A)ccepts you as you are
(B)elieves in "you"
(C)alls you just to say ..."Hi ..."
(D)oesn..'t give up on you
(E)nvisions the whole of you (even the unfinished parts)
(F)orgives your mistakes
(G)ives unconditionally
(H)elps you
(I)nvites you over
(J)ust ..."be..." with you
(K)eeps you close at heart
(L)oves you for who you are
(M)akes a difference in your life
(N)ever Judges
(O)ffers support
(P)icks you up
(Q)uiets your fears
(R)aises your spirits
(S)ays nice things about you
(T)ells you the truth when you need it
(U)nderstands you
(V)alues you
(W)alks beside you
(X)-plains thing you don't understand
(Y)ells when you won't listen and
(Z)aps you back to reality.

** Let Me Just Say ...**

What's Minnie without Mickey?
What's Tigger without Pooh?
What's Patrick without sponge Bob?
What's me without YOU???

Somebody cares if you're happy today,
If your heart is cheerful and light.
Somebody cares if you're feeling good
And everything's going just right.

And somebody hopes that this comment will show,
In a warm little heart-to-heart way.
You're thought of, remembered, and happily wished:
An especially wonderful day!

And That Person Is Me!

Have a Great Weekend. Huggsss

Friend - A Simple Poem

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No one can go back and make a brand new start.
But anyone can start from now 
and make a brand new ending.
Life may lead me to new and different paths,
meet new friends, learn new things ...
but this will remain true - wherever life takes me,
I'll always remember the path where I met you.
You are so precious.

Your friendship is like a walk in the park,
Or a candle burning brightly in the dark.
A familiar face in a crowded mall, 
A hand to lift me when I fall.
A ray of sunshine on a cloudy day,
A guiding light should I start to stray.
A wealth of experiences to enrich my day,
Thank you my friend.

Unseen Friend - A Short Poem

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Unseen Friend
Although you are a friend of mine
and letters we exchange,
I wouldn't know you on the street,
and doesn't that seem strange?

You hold a place within my life,
unusual and unique;
We share ideals and special dreams,
and still, we do not speak.

I picture what I think you are,
perhaps you picture me.
An intriguing game for both of us
for someone we can't see.

So for this friendship we possess,
we owe this mail a debt,
Perhaps the charm lies in the fact
that we have never met.
 
Tag:UnseenFriend

The Computer Woman

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** HARD-DISK Woman: She remembers everything you say and do, FOREVER!!!
** WINDOWS Woman: Everyone knows that she can't do anything right, but you can't live without her.
** EXCEL Woman: They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for only four of your basic needs.
** SCREENSAVER Woman: She is good for nothing functional, but at least she is exciting, colourful, and lots of fun!
** INTERNET Woman: Difficult to access and hard to keep running!!!
** SERVER Woman: Claims to be available to you, but Always busy when you need her.
** MULTIMEDIA Woman: She has a way of making horrible things look very beautiful.
** CD-ROM Woman: She always has you on the move, going faster and faster!!!
** E-MAIL Woman: Out of Every ten things she says, eight are plain nonsense.
** VIRUS Woman: Also known as "WIFE"; when you are least expecting her, she shows up, installs herself, and starts gobbling up all your resources. If you try to uninstall her, you will lose almost every thing. If you don't try to uninstall her, you will still have nothing.

Tags:computer,woman

The Queen & The Princess

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My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served food and drinks.

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that 'Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up that would be super.'

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. 'Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines Dearie, but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground.'

She calmly turned her head and said, 'In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one.'

To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat,

'Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up!!.'

Tags:GayAttendant,Queen,Princess

Instruction For Safety Belt In Car

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The National Highway Safety Council has done extensive testing on a newly designed seat belt. Results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 45% when the belt is properly installed.

Correct installation is illustrated below.
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Tag:SafetyBelt

Thursday, 25 April 2013

Bad News, Worse News

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Good News and Bad News
Bob gets a call from his doctor with the results of
his blood test.
"I've got bad news and worse news," says the doctor.
"The bad news is that you've only got 24 hours to live."
"Oh no!" says Bob. "That's terrible, how can it
get any worse than that?"
"I've been trying to reach you since yesterday."
11 PEOPLE ... ON A ROPE
Eleven people were hanging on a rope, under
a helicopter.10 men and 1 woman.
The rope was not strong enough to carry

them all,
so they decided that one had to leave, because
otherwise they were all going to fall.
They weren't able to choose that person,
until the woman gave a very touching speech.
She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because,
as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband

and kids or for men in general,
and was used to always making sacrifices

with little in return.
As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping ...

Tags:News,Rope

Infidelity

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A couple of nights ago, a brand new programme premièred in Spanish TV, with an interesting Title 'Infidels' (Infidelity or the unfaithful), a dramatic series in 12 episodes. The word is usually applied to both sexes, but the protagonists in this fiction series are about 5 women. Guess It's infidelity from women's point of view. For weeks there had been all sorts of publicity about this programme with each actress, or all of them, appearing in interviews, or advertisement, news flashes and magazine reports, revealing no story at all just a lot of short suggestive phrases and mysterious looks, leading you to come to the conclusion that there's nothing more to discover now. Doesn't 'infidelity' says it all already?

Ah, but no. They came up with a new and tantalizing definition, which is written in huge capital letters in every publicity article or picture: 'To be faithful to yourself, sometimes you have to be unfaithful'. It stops at the word 'unfaithful', I presume it means 'to another' as indicated or understood. It's a curious idea. If faithful or unfaithful is used in the concept of a sentimental relationship, lovers, marriages, I feel that it's strange to say one 'have to be' unfaithful; same as there's no such thing as one 'have to say Yes' to a marriage, or 'have to' love someone.

As to being faithful to oneself, all one needs to do is just that, BE. Taking into consideration all the personal and social complexity, and the multitude of it's derivations, one's own desires, aspirations and goals in life, weigh it all up, and just be faithful to yourself. Your reasoning and conscience would not allow you to satisfy yourself at the cost of others because, if you do, you are first of all being unfaithful to yourself.

You Are Fine, But How Am I, Doctor?

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The question is: what do we look for, hope for, or expect from our family doctor? I used to have a fantastic one, Doctor Lee, when I was living in Hong Kong. He always received me with a sympathetic and warm smile, that made me immediately feel better already before I even sat down. Even though he hadn't seen me for months, he had remembered, without checking my record, what my problem was the previous time, and solicitously inquired if whatever it was had cleared up totally. By now, I felt there's perhaps nothing wrong with me this time after all. He just seemed to have this magic to make you feel safe and well cared for.

To Doctor Lee it's as if there's no illness or disease, just health and how to acquire it. After he established that he was not your doctor and you were not his patient, but friends (at least so seemed to me), he began to talk to you like a friend (see? I was right), listened to you attentively without once checking his watch, and never made me feel I have taken up too much of his time, or had asked too many questions, nor the kind of look some doctors give you (with intention, I suspect), to make you wish to apologise for being alive, or need to thank him for prolonging it.

I had since changed abode several times in as many countries. Never had I come across another doctor I feel half as comfortable with and wholeheartedly trust. Many of them are good and competent doctors, at least according to their credentials which pronounce so in neat frames all over the wall behind the consulting table. But I often feel, in their presence, I am inadequate even as a patient, not able to convey exactly what my sickness is (I usually hope they would tell me) and therefore I should be apologetic, and grateful that he hadn't exactly told me off.

Too many doctors are Doctor House, brilliant, but rude and intolerable. I am glad he is but a fictional character. How I wish there were more Doctor Lee-S.

Tags:patient,doctor

Giant ClothesPeg

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Is this some form or art?
Or that we are ants in someone else's world?

Tag:ClothesPeg

The Matchmaker

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** The matchmaker ~
Benny goes to see Abe, a confirmed bachelor for many years.

"Abe, you mustn't wait too long. I have exactly the one you need. You only have to say the word and you'll meet and be married in no time!" says Benny.
"Don't bother," replies Abe, "I've two sisters at home, who look after all my needs."
"That's all well and good," said Benny, "but all the sisters in the world cannot fill the role of a wife."
"I said 'two sisters'. I didn't say they were mine!"

** What a coincidence! ~
Maurice and Isaac found themselves sitting next to each other in a New York bar. After a while, Maurice looks at Isaac and says,
"I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Israel."
Isaac responds proudly, "I am!"
Maurice says, "So am I! And where might you be from?"
Isaac answers, "I'm from Jerusalem."
Maurice responds, "So am I! And where did you live?"
Isaac says, "A lovely little area two miles east of King David's Hotel. Not too far from the old city"
Maurice says, "Unbelievable! What school did you attend?"
Isaac answers, "Well, I attended Yeshiva University."
Maurice gets really excited, and says, "And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?"
Isaac answers, "I graduated in 1984."
Maurice exclaims, "Amazing! This is Berschert. Hashem wanted us to meet! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from Yeshiva University in 1984 also."

About this time, Moishe enters the bar, sits down, and orders a beer. The bartender walks over to him shaking his head & mutters,
"It's going to be a long night tonight, the Goldberg twins are drunk again."

Easy Virtue

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Noel Coward is one of the authors and playwrights I most admire. He had great sense of humour, often bordering on sarcasm, contained and usually justified. He showed with great insight of human nature manifested in his creation of colourful characters, and always armed with the wittiest dialogue. Even his tragedies could seem funny, and his comedies were hilariously convincing and simply delightful and delicious.

One of his many legendary work was 'Easy Virtue' which, as early as in 1927, the era of the silent films, was already adapted by Hitchcock, 2 years after the play was premièred. Now once more, It's taken up by the Australian director Stephen Elliott, this time with the title 'A classy family'. A title quit befitting Coward, with his outrageously aristocratic air, mannerism and speech, often laced with wicked humour and double edged observations.

Stephen Elliott changed the chronological order, and starts the film with the arrival at the Victorian family mansion of the young master and heir (Ben Barnes), with his new bride (Jessica Biel), American and divorcee with a questionable past.

The imposing mother (Kristin Scott Thomas), matriarch of the respectable dynasty, possessive and elitist, immediately dedicated herself to make life impossible for the intruder, a foreigner at that, who would add blemishes to the impeccable honour and reputation of the classy family.
"Any piece of furniture in this house is older than your country." she would say to her daughter-in-law.

Colin Firth plays the master of the mansion, a position in name only, barely tolerated by his tyrannous wife, and the only one truly welcomes the daughter-in-law, to him like a breath of fresh air into the long been suffocating home.

Coward's vitriolic dissection of the British aristocracy in the Victorian era was vivid and cutting in the book, baring the hypocrisy of a society, decadent and perverse. Another 'must-see' in my already near a mile long film list.

Wednesday, 24 April 2013

The Happy Old Man

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** The two farmers ~
Bud, from Texas, is on holiday in Israel and meets farmer Shlomo there. Bud asks Shlomo what he does.

"I raise a few chickens," says Shlomo. “I'm also a farmer.”
“So am I. How much land do you have?” asks Bud.
“Fifty meters in front, and almost a hundred at the back.”

Now it was the turn of Shlomo to ask a question.
“You’re from Texas, so what about your farm?" asks Shlomo.
Bud tells him, "On my farm, I can drive from morning until sundown and not reach the end of my property."

"That's too bad," says Shlomo. "I once had a car like that."

** The start of it all ~
A Rabbi, a priest and a minister are discussing when life begins.

The priest says: "In our religion, life begins at conception."
The Minister says: "We disagree. We believe that life begins when the foetus is viable away from the mother's womb."

The Rabbi responds: "You are both wrong. In our religion, life begins when the kids graduate college and the dog dies."

** Happy Old Man ~
Mrs Herman from London was visiting some friends in Florida when she saw a little old man with a wrinkly face rocking merrily away on his front porch. He had a lovely smile on his face. She just had to go over to him.

“I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look. I would love to know your secret for such a long and happy life.”
“I smoke four packets of cigarettes a day, drink five bottles of scotch whiskey a week, eat lots and lots of fatty food and I never, I mean never exercise.”

“Why, that’s absolutely amazing. I’ve never heard anything like this before. How old are you?”
“I’m twenty six” he replied.
Tags:happyoldman

Popeye The Sailor Man

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Does anyone know what happened eventually with the commercial war between the United States and Europe started a few years ago, with the then 70 year old Popeye as the protagonist and the triggering factor? I knew the war started, but never heard about the ending.

I am sure most of us here are too young to know much about Popeye except the mere knowledge that he was a very well know figure in comic books. Maybe you have heard the song 'Popeye the sailor man'? The sailor who loved and worshipped spinach, believing it to be magically powerful to give a person extraordinary strength. I only remember having seen a cartoon film about him years ago and having laughed my head off. Wouldn't mind seeing it again, but haven't a clue now what it's called.

The comic serial first appeared 84 years ago, on the 17th of January 1929, by Elzie Crisler. According to the legal right of authors in Europe, Popeye had become 'common knowledge', since it had then completed 70 yeas since the author's death in 1938, Whereas in the United States, the legislation of copy right is established as 95 years. This meant that up till 2024 exists a jarring period of asymmetrical situation between the two, the world's greatest potencies.

So while the intellectual right in Popeye's birth country continues, in Europe Popeye can be used freely in anything at all, reproduced in books, plays, films, videos, games, T-shirts, toys ... or any derivation based on the character, his beloved Olive, and his other pals and woes.

The discussion, more like dispute, had already started on the Internet in 2009 and a 3rd party, King Features Syndicate, one of the most powerful that controls all comic strips published in America, and proprietor of the registered Popeye, was taking a very active part in trying to protect it's rights, with teeth and nails if necessary. After all, it's a product that generates thousands of millions in royalties and all sorts of market worthy byproducts. Like the tinned spinach, Popeye's favourite food. (not to forget that, in the 30's, the slang for marihuana was 'spinach'). Wimpy's hamburger, even the military vehicle the 'Jeep', are based on some of the characters of the comic strip.

No doubt there had been lots of reports about it somehow, not by design, I managed to miss it all. Not that I am interested much about the outcome. Personally, all I want is to take another look at that funny animated film again.