Adam's 10 Alternative commandments

10. God worried that Adam would always be lost in the garden because men hate to ask for directions.

9. God knew that Adam would one day need someone to hand him the TV remote. (Men don't want to see what's ON television, they want to see WHAT ELSE is on!)

8. God knew that Adam would never buy a new fig leaf when his seat wore out and would therefore need Eve to get one for him.

7. God knew that Adam would never make a doctor's appointment for himself.

6. God knew that Adam would never remember which night was garbage night.

5. God knew that if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle childbearing.

4. As 'Keeper of the Garden,' Adam would never remember where he put his tools.

3. The scripture account of creation indicates Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.

2. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone!"

1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched His head and said, "I can do better than that."

Tags:Adam,Commandments

Current Mood: Amused

A Somewhat Disturbing Mystery

As well as being a mystery it also stirs up my curiosity in all directions, most annoying or even worrying part is that after turning it over and over all last night, I still can't come up with a likely explanation. I think I better start from the beginning.

I received a letter by post (all my friends send email) yesterday. From the sender's corner on the envelope I already thought it's strange: of a restaurant I have only been about a dozen times in about 2 years. What's more strange, my name MoiMoii, (correctly written; most people, including web friends for years, would either use one 'i' only at the end, or write it as Moi Moi or Moi Moii), so it's not a publicity flyer type mail.

The contents surprised me even further, congratulating my forthcoming birthday (on the Date section) sending me a gift of €10., cheque valid throughout the month of March. My suspicion arose when I know for sure I have never paid a bill there by card or cash, never signed anything, all visits were as invited guest. Nor have I told anybody there my name, my home address, much less my birthday date. I asked my friends who had invited me, and none of them had received such a gift nor even heard of such a practice. How on earth they know all there is to know connected with my identity? Even my Internet contacts, nobody had been told my home address, and very few knows about or bothers to find out my birthday.

The restaurant is called (Wok You), in Figueras, my nearest town. Part of an international chain of restaurants, all called 'Wok' something. This one has been opened merely 2 years ago and the others in Spain are spread out in many big cities and towns.

Should I do something? What? Go again sometime and ask? Ask whom? Spend it there? Ignore it? Write to the establishment? Where? Which one? Complaint or Thank them?

Tags:Birthdaygift,Mystery

Current Mood: Confused

The Lawyer & The Jury

In a criminal justice system based on 12 individuals not smart enough to get out of jury duty, here is a jury of which to be proud. A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defence's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom." He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened. Finally the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I, therefore, put it to you that you have a reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed, and I insist that you return a verdict of not guilty." The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty. "But how?" inquired the lawyer. "You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door." The jury spokesman replied, "Yes, we did look, but your client didn't." Tags:Jury,Lawyer

Current Mood: Accomplished

Sales, Pride & Prejudice

Whoever says Spain is always sunny and warm don't know what they are saying! Most of the time yes, definitely not always. For about 2 whole months now, the weather in northern Spain has been most days icy cold though dry, and often with a very fierce and destructive wind named 'Tramontana', so well known even many foreign visitors ask about it at travel agencies before they decide to book a trip or not during the months when this famous wind also visits, and this year, now, it refuses to subside. I received an invitation to return to London round last Christmas time, to stay over till after the January sale in all famous big stores as well some otherwise not so affordable to most. I wished I had gone, but then I was being threatened by Multiply wishing to chuck out all their users and I needed to spend more time at the computer to find myself a new web 'home'. I have not yet find where I will be happy to stay put, and meanwhile suffering as I never did with the freezing weather, worse than all those years I lived in London!!!

Anyway, as far as Sales, I remember watching how the legendary, the most prestigious department store in London, Harrods, were wildly assaulted by bargain hunters bursting in like tornado or avalanche trying to get into the store, as if their life depended on able to grab something, anything, from the store to show off to their family and friends.

Similar scenarios were also everywhere here in Spain, classy stores as well as street corner ones. One in particular in Barcelona captured my attention in their January Sale, during which their prices do not come down but fall headlong to the ground. As if the sort of bargaining or the general sales strategy, the kind most commerce use, progressively cutting down prices 10%, then another 10% ... was contemptible; like great artists, opera maestros, singers, famous orchestras ... anything in between is below them. They charge sky high entrance or do it for nothing.

Well this boutique, during the sales, the goods are packed and given to you in plastic bags, the kind for collecting garbage, not the usual glossy wrapping with gigantic silk ribbons. Their way of disdain, or undertone contempt, or display of superiority maybe, not sure which. As though the meagre sum they enter in the receipt for you was dirtying their hands. Because of the queues to get in, the battle one has to fight when you are actually in, to get to your desired target goods, and most of all for that contemptuous attitude, I have never bought a thing there. At normal prices I can't afford it, at sales my own pride wouldn't allow me!

Come to think of it, the few years I lived in London, I never bought a thing in Harrod's sales either. I did buy a few items during normal seasons though, exquisite food, and shoes; what else?

Tags:Harrods,sales

Current Mood: Satisfied

The Seeing Machine

A portable device to help the blind or visually impaired people to see is a result of more than 20 years' work, in the Institute of Technology in Massachusetts (MIT), in the United States. The machine can be fabricated for less than $500 (€372), assured Elizabeth Goldring, scientist at the centre of the Advanced Visual Studies of the MIT, author of the idea. To Goldring, who is herself blind in one eye and with very limited vision in the other, conceived the idea of a 'seeing' machine when she was at the optometrist, during the examination of her eyes, where the diagnostic machine, the ophthalmoscopy (examination of eyes using ophthalmoscope) with laser sweep to project a simple image directly on the retina. She could see the image and asked to have a word projected, which she could see as well so later she asked for the transmission of a video to be projected the same way. Although the ophthalmoscopy permits seeing images, it's a very big and expensive machine. During the next 20 years Goldring and her team, together with dozens of participating students, had, through studies, experiments, trials and errors, produced first a machine of table size and now a portable one. So informed MIT. The team led by Rob Webb who invented the ophthalmoscopy, and works in the University of Harvard. The portable version is cheap and possible because they have replaced the laser with diode transmitter of light (LED) which are equally a source of brilliant light. Besides, all the components are these days much smaller and are mass produced for other purposes. This seeing machine is mounted on a flexible tripod and can be connected to any source of vision like a video camera, or a computer screen .It is not a matter of magnifying the images. It works because all the details of the image is concentrated in a minute point of light. This device is being tested out now in patients of the Ophthalmology Clinic of Boston. Goldring uses it to make photos which lets her express herself visually. The entire project is financed by NASA and MIT. Tags:LED,Nasa,Ophthalmology

Current Mood: Accomplished

Ordinary Miracles

** Old Age, I decided, is a gift! **

I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body - the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror, but I don't agonize over those things for long.

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind to and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante-garde on my patio. I am entitled to overeat, to be messy, to be extravagant. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with ageing.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 am, and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love ... I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the bikini set. They, too, will get old if they are lucky! I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten, and I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when a beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength, understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

 

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turn gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver. I can say "no," and mean it. I can say "yes," and mean it.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself any more. I've even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day.

Today, I wish you a day of ordinary miracles.

Tags:OldAge,Miracles

Current Mood: Cheerful

Not In My Backyard

It has been years when we first heard said that 'Latinamerica is 'the backyard of America'. It's an expression that the media of communication popularised. Popularise? In the streets, people go around saying the backyard of this, that or the other, of So & So and of such & such? Probably better not so. Just as well the invention of this expression is mainly used within the media; the metaphor creaks.

In the Spanish dictionary of documented modern day phraseology - a delicious read of references - the authors show 2 locutions for the word 'patio' (yard): 'patio de Monipodio' (den of thieves) or simply a yard. The term 'backyard' does not exist. In Spanish there's no other variation in meaning for such term. It's a yard, usually within a house or building, part of a garden or ground close to the living or utility quarter. So the English term backyard translated into Spanish would most likely be the lumber-(room), a place for disused or castoff articles. How would that fit 'Latinamerica? Insulting!

It's the literal meaning in English too, in the Webster's dictionary, but in the Oxford Dictionary it lists another definition: 'the area near where one lives, or the territory or ground adjacent to a particular country, which it considers it's property'. That's what the media has adopted to refer to the connection between America and it's close neighbours. It should really have been much clearer to say that America considers those parts their property, extensions of their land, etc. The rich essence of metaphor, basically, should be understood instantly, not given to ambiguous conjectures.

From such concept, the Americans have coined the initials NIMBY (not in my backyard), whose Spanish version is SPAN (Is, pero aquí no - Yes, but not here), known more critically as the culture of saying No. It serves as much for a junk yard, or a prison. That seems to be more apt. How can people round here go about saying "Not in my backyard" when the majority of them live in apartments without as much as a corridor?

Tags:backyard,junkyard

Current Mood: Blah

A Story Of Four Cats

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were. The first man was an Engineer, The second man was an Accountant, The third man was a Chemist, and The fourth man was a Government Employee. To show off, the Engineer called his cat, 'T-square, do your stuff.' T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. The Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, 'Spreadsheet, do your stuff.' Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies. Everyone agreed that was good. But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, 'Measure, do your stuff.' Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces into the glass without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was pretty good. Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, 'What can your cat do?' The Government Employee called his cat and said, ' CoffeeBreak, do your stuff.' CoffeeBreak jumped to his feet ... Ate the cookies ... Drank the milk ... S**t on the paper ... Screwed the other three cats ... Claimed he injured his back while doing so ... Filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions ... Put in for Workers Compensation ... and Went home for the rest of the day on sick leave ... AND THAT, MY FRIEND, IS WHY EVERYONE WANTS TO WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT!! Tags:Cats

Current Mood: Amused

Random Thoughts About Dogs

** The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue

** Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful ** If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went

** There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face ** A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself ** The average dog is a nicer person than the average person

** I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult

** Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog

** If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise

**A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down

** If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons

** We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made

** Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate

Tag:Dogs

Current Mood: Cheerful

Animal Passion

No I am not talking about the raw and unrestrained animal passion in our human hearts. Not today anyway. According to a report, there has been steadily increasing number of youths who go to the Zoo of Barcelona, not accompanying or accompanied by children. It obviously seems a pleasant place to visit, passing some enjoyable hours outdoors with the desired companion; not for strenuous exercise like hiking or climbing mountains, but to laze about, to strengthen the friendship or, why not, the budding love, with cuddles and kisses, in the fresh air instead of an enclosed space, amongst roars and howls, contrasting with the tender sentiments and gentle caresses.

There are others also without children, middle aged or old couples not encumbered with unwritten duties of looking after or entertaining their grand children. They go too to the zoo to have a leisurely day, entertaining themselves, for a change, contemplating the animals, the vigorous pacing of the gorillas, the majestic air of the lions and, watching the happy and smiling faces watching the animals with delighted squeals.

With more than a million of visitors to the zoo each year, the zoo staffs, administrators and animal care takers have collected some interesting anecdotes to tell, quite funny I thought:

• In search of shoes - One of their frequent jobs is to go around gathering up objects some absent minded visitors left behind. Very recently a carer had to practically fight a huge hippopotamus to retrieve some shoes.


• A donation - A cheque of €60 was received by the zoo, with a note attached from the kind hearted donator, which says: "This is to help with the cost of insecticide against flies that continuously annoying the camels."


• Friend of the bears - One afternoon a zoo staff and a visitor greatly surprised each other, when the latter was caught red handed throwing some liquid out of a jar on a couple of bears. It turned out to be the urine of that same young man, who justified his strange act with the explanation, that he wished the animals to familiar themselves with his smell, so that he could go over the fosse (moat?) to play with them.


• Against sexism - Also about bears. One of these were picking up dried leaves with one of his paws. "It's a female, right?" asked a child. " As it's doing some cleaning up." His
  'logical' deduction. It was actually a male.


• The fable - A teacher asked his very young pupils: "What do wolves eat?". One of the youngster said: "Children." and another said: "Red RidingHood."!

Tags:redriringhood,zoo

Current Mood: Cheerful

Braggers, Ventriloquist And The Psychic

** The braggers

Becky, Sadie and Hannah are bragging about their sons.

Becky says, "My son is very successful. He is the best lawyer in London."
Sadie says, "My son has done better than that. He is the best doctor in London."
Hannah says, "My son has not done that well. He does not have a very good job and he is gay. But he has these two great boyfriends - one is the best lawyer in London and the other is the best doctor in London."

** One Upmanship

Moshe was at his golf club and went into the clubhouse to see whether anyone could offer him a lift to Hendon. His own car was off the road being serviced.
 

"Sure," said Morry, "I'll give you a lift. My Rolls Royce is just outside."

As they're driving along, Moshe says, "Morry, what's that thing on the dashboard ticking all the time?"
"That's my digital clock."
A few minutes later, Moshe asks, "And what's that thing on the dashboard moving up and down?"
"That's my tachometer," says Morry.
Then a few minutes after that, Moshe starts to ask, "But what's that ..."
 

"Hold on a minute, Moshe," says Morry, "I can see you've never been in a Rolls Royce before."
"Never in the front seat." says Moshe.

** The ventriloquist

Issy had received no work for six months. So he went to his agent and told him he needed work badly.
His agent said, "There's no call for ventriloquists, but there's plenty of work for psychics."

So Issy went home and hung a psychic sign outside his house. Within an hour, a woman knocks on the door and says, "I want to talk to my deceased Bernie. How much will it cost me?'

"If you just talk to him, £50. If he talks to you, a bit more, £75." Issy replies. "But if you talk to each other while I'm drinking a glass of water, that will be £150." "

Tag:ventriloquist,braggers

Current Mood: Amused

No Speak English

A Russian woman married a Canadian gentleman and they lived happily ever after in Toronto . The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for meat & groceries. 

One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. Her butcher got the message, and gave her the chicken legs.

Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn't know how to say it, and so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breasts. The butcher understood again, and gave her some chicken breasts.

On the 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store ...

What were you thinking?
Hellooooooo! her husband speaks English!
Now wipe the disappointment off your face

Tags:sausage

Current Mood: Amused

Widows Of The 25th

Every city in the world has it's own characteristics, manifested in it's tradition, custom, culture, or whatever other aspects. One rather unusual city scene, I would say unique, is that on the day 25th of every month, there would be a gathering of widows in the Plaza (Square) of Sant Jaume, in the centre of Barcelona. They have been doing this for the last 12 years, with the number continuously and gradually increasing. They are there seen by all but they might as well be invisible. No one ever shows the slightest gesture of empathy and, after such long years, not even curiosity any more.

Most of these women there are of middle or old age, battling with no more weapon than their stubborn insistence, against injustice of being systematically ignored by the public service authorities, of their precarious financial situation and lack of adequate assistance, and their cry silenced by the indifference of the government and it's politics.

I never knew about this until recently when a local press published a report of it, giving voice and visibility to this reality of a social problem. 3 of every 10 widows (300,000 in Catalunya and 800,000 in all Spain) are at the threshold of extreme poverty and social exclusion.

I wonder why it took 12 years before just one newspaper decided to bring the situation to
light??

Tags:poverty,widows

Current Mood: Anxious

André Rieu - And The Waltz Goes On

Waltz Composed By Anthony Hopkins

“And The Waltz Goes On” was performed by André Rieu and His Johann Strauss Orchestra. in Maastricht and is taken from the DVD “André Rieu – Under the Stars. Live in Maastricht 5″.
I had no idea that besides being an excellent actor that Anthony Hopkins is also a talented composer. I understand that he also paints. A multi-faceted artist.

Tags:AnthonyHopkins,Waltz

Current Mood: Artistic

Medalion Of Torture

All medallions are a prize of honour or distinction. In the case of those worn by pigeons back in 2009 in Barcelona, they were more like tortures. For the birds and for animal lovers. 300 pigeons had started wearing a metal disc with an assigned number, as a new system of control, substituting the previous method with a ring on the foot of the bird, or clipped on the wing. But, just a few days into this practice, the Agency of Public Health had to re-capture the pigeons to free them from these newly put on medallions.

These pigeons had apparently showed great distress or pain, and had changed their habitual behaviour since this new collar had been put on them. Many people in the neighbourhood had reported that these birds now walk everywhere slowing, even when encountered obstacles or traffic, instead of flying or hurrying away, and showing pain or stress.

Many had been injured through their struggle to free themselves with the metal collar, or weak of exhaustion with the fruitless attempt. Quite a few had died and in one particular case, a pigeon was found near death with his beak caught and firmly stuck on the hook of the medal attached to the collar, so it couldn't close it nor breathe properly.

This experiment had caused great distress also to the people witnessing the torture suffered by the birds, and vehemently protested by all the pro animal groups and organisations. The authorities of the control explained that the old system meant that they had to capture the birds twice: once to put the identity rings on and another time to be able to see each bird's identity, to keep check of their population, habits and migration patterns. Had the new method worked, each number is easily seen even when they are up in the air. That would have saved a lot of time, effort and manpower.

According to the censor last year, the population of pigeons in Barcelona were 256,000 which caused sanity and health problems to the city. 25,000 are humanely sacrificed each year to keep the numbers under control, and the authority had also tried to let free some eagles to chase them away or eat them. They had even employed birth control on virile males with a substance called Nicarbicina, causing them temporary sterilization; but all to little effect.

Now years later, no new and effective step had yet been found; the authority is inviting the public to suggest any likely or helpful solutions. I wish I had one!

Tags:pigeons,medals

Current Mood: Anxious

The Naughty Password

** The password
Rosa, a female computer consultant, was helping a smug male set up his computer and she asked him what word he would like to use as a password for login.
Wanting to embarrass the lady, he told her to enter "PENIS."

Without blinking an eye or saying a word, Rosa entered the password as he had requested.
But then, she nearly exploded refraining from laughter as she pointed out to him what the computer displayed in response:

'PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH.'

** Everything is bigger in Texas
Samuel lived in Texas. One day, he bought a round of drinks for everyone in the pub because his wife had just given birth to "a typical Texas baby boy weighing 20 pounds."

Everyone in the pub congratulated him and many told him that they found it hard to believe that his baby weighed in so heavy.
But Samuel assured them, "It’s true, it’s really true."

When Samuel came back to the same pub three weeks later, the barman said to him, "Say, you're the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed 20 pounds at birth aren’t you? So tell us, how much does your baby weigh now?"

Sam replied, "Twelve pounds."

The barman could not understand this, so he asked "Why? Is he ill? What happened? He
weighed 20 pounds at birth, why has he lost so much weight?"

Sam took a big swig from his beer, wiped his lips with the back of his hand, leaned over to the barman and proudly replied, "Had him circumcised."

Tags:Texas,Password

Current Mood: Amused

Doctor, Love, Principles

** Doctor Knows best “Doctor, you’ve got to give me something to make me young again. I’ve got a date with this beautiful young girl tonight.” His doctor said, “Hold on a second, you’re 75 years old, there’s really not a lot I can do for you.” Benjamin replies, “But doctor, my friend Tony is much older than I am and he says he has sex three times a week.” “OK”, says the doctor, “so you say it too!” ** Enduring love - 1 She: "Darling, will you still love me when my hair is grey?" He: "Of course Sweetheart, I have loved you through blond, brunette, red and every other colour. Why not grey?” ** Enduring love - 2 Mr & Mrs Smith had just got married. On the way to their honeymoon, Mr Smith said to his new wife “Would you have married me if my father hadn’t left me a fortune?” She replied, “Darling, I would have married you no matter who had left you a fortune.” ** The principle A congregator asked his Rabbi, "Rabbi, you’re a man of God. So why is it that you are always talking business when I, a businessman, am always talking about spiritual matters when I'm not at work?" "You have discovered one of the principles of human nature," the Rabbi replied. "And what principle is that, Rabbi?" "People like to discuss things they know nothing about." Tags:doctor,love

Current Mood: Amused

Leftover Sentiments

Read about a divorce with a pending dispute, the former is in these modern times one in a dozen, run of the mill daily occurrence. The latter part, however, is quite unusual, at least something I have never heard of, except maybe in or as a joke. As one of the conditions of the divorce, the husband asked for his kidney back, which in 2001 he had donated to the wife or she would likely have died. If the kidney is not returned, he asked for 1 million Euro.

He declared that he make this demand because he was fed up with the jiggery-pokery on her part and that of her lawyers. Purely for the stigma of being a man, he is not allowed to see his 3 children more than once every few months. That the kidney he had given for love and to save her life, but merely 18 months later the wife had hooked up with a lover. Even so, his lawyer offers him no hope of recuperating his kidney nor even sure about the million Euro.

I don't find this demand too disproportionate. It's to be presumed that the 2 of them are not going to be put on the operation tables again to take out the kidney from her and put back in him. Seeing that today in a divorce case one disputes who gets what even up to the last teacup, it doesn't seem unreasonable that a kidney should be put on one of the plates of the scale, if into both parts are already the car, the 3-piece suite and the summer apartment. Of course, one can argue that a kidney is a gift while the TV set or the coffee pot is not.

Maybe the marriage pre-agreement should be made legal and compulsory, and stating too that in the case of the donation of a body organ, it should be entered legally into the agreement as patrimony like the family home! Not all that long ago, people looked at such pre-marriage agreements with distaste; now it's almost a requirement like part of the marriage certificate.

What about the much practised custom of authors who often dedicate their books to their beloved wife/husband/a special friend? Months or years later, separated, divorced or now strangers or enemies, the dedication still stays forever to show the once upon a time love or friendship, but now the void of affection that never truly was but forever mocks. More so if the void is a hole where was the kidney, once part of you, palpating with your love for another human being that you had considered part of you too.

If one can't trust another with material stuff like a piece of furniture or a painting, why trust him/her with your heart and your love to begin with?

• Current Mood: Contemplative

Tags:Divorce,Kidney

A Serious Chat With Mum

** Phone chat with Mum Rita sprang to answer the telephone. "Darling, How are you? This is Mummy." "Oh Mummy," Rita said crying, "I'm having a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine won't work. I've sprained my ankle and I'm hobbling around. On top of all this, the house is a mess and I'm supposed to have the Jones and the Smiths for dinner tonight. I haven't even had a chance to go shopping." The voice on the other end said in sympathy, "Darling, let Mummy handle it. Sit down, relax and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your shopping, tidy up the house and cook your dinner. I'll feed the baby and I'll call an engineer I know who'll fix your washing machine. Now stop crying. I'll even call your husband David at the office and tell him he should come home to help out for once." "David?" said Rita. "Who's David?" "Why, David, your husband! ... Is this 0208 123 3749?" "No, this is 0208 123 3747." "Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I dialled the wrong number." There was a short pause, then Rita said, "Does this mean you're not coming over to help?" ** Q. and A. Q. What does a woman do to keep her hands soft and her nails so long and beautiful? A. Nothing, nothing at all. Q. Did you say you were going with the idea of natural childbirth? A. Yes. No make up whatsoever. Tags:mum,chat

Current Mood: Amused

The Lighter Side Of Politics

"Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance." - HL Mencken [Journalist and satirist]

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"In democracy everyone has the right to be represented, even the jerks." - Chris Patten [Former UK MP and Governor of Hong-Kong]

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"Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the National Debt." - Herbert Hoover [President USA 1929-1933]

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"You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks." - Robin Williams [Comedian and actor]

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"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country." - Marion Barry [Mayor Washington, DC]

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"Americans have different ways of saying things. They say "elevator", we say "lift" ... they say "President", we say "stupid psychopathic git." - Alexei Sayle [British comedian. actor and author]

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"I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts." - Will Rogers [Comedian, social commentator, vaudeville actor]

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"The House of Commons is the longest running farce in the West End." - Cyril Smith [Former UK MP]

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"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls." - George W Bush [Ex

President USA]

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"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?" - George W Bush [Ex President USA]

Tag:Politics

Current Mood: Amused

You Are Fine Doctor, But How Am I?

The question is: what do we look for, hope for, or expect from our family doctor? I used to have a fantastic one, Doctor Lee, when I was living in Hong Kong. He always received me with a sympathetic and warm smile, that made me immediately feel better already before I even sat down. Even though he hadn't seen me for months, he had remembered, without checking my record, what my problem was the previous time, and solicitously inquired if whatever it was had cleared up totally. By then It felt there's perhaps nothing wrong with me this time after all. He just seemed to have this magic to make you feel safe and well cared for.

To Doctor Lee it's as if there's no illness or disease, just little health disorder and he'd take care of it. After he made you feel your were friends, he began to talk to you like a friend & listened to you attentively without once checking his watch, and never made me feel I have taken up too much of his time, or had asked too many questions, nor the kind of look some doctors give you (with intention, I suspect), to make you wish to apologise for being alive, or need to be grateful he agreed to see you, & you should thank him just for that favour.

I had since changed abode several times in as many countries. Never had I come across another doctor I feel half as comfortable with and wholeheartedly trust. Many of them are good and competent doctors, at least according to their credentials which pronounce so in neat frames all over the wall behind the consulting table. But in their
presence, I am inadequate even as a patient, not able to convey exactly what my sickness is (I usually hope they would tell me) and therefore I should be apologetic, and grateful that he hadn't exactly told me off.

Too many doctors are Doctor House of the TV screen, brilliant, arrogant & insufferable; I am glad he is but a fictional character. How I wish there were more Doctor Lee's.

Tags:patient,doctor

Current Mood: Blah

Helpful Rules For Lovers Of Chocolate

If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.

Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.

Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.

A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?

If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?

If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.

If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?

Money talks. Chocolate sings.

Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.

Q. Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous? A. Because no one wants to quit.

If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated.

Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.

Pass these rules on to all your friends who love chocolate;
I think we chocolate lovers
should stick together!

Tags:chocolate

• Current Mood: Amused