10t'h Dec 2011 Farmer's Humour

* Farm Sign ~

The Farmer Allows Walkers To Cross The Field For Free,

But The Bull Charges.

* Rancher John ~

Old ranch owner John farmed a small ranch in Montana. The Montana Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his workers and sent an agent out to interview him.

'I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,' demanded the agent.

'Well,' replied old John, 'There's my ranch hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night.'

'That's the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit,' says the agent.

'That would be me,' replied old rancher John.

* Farmer's Names ~

George, the farmer, had so many children that he ran out of names. So he started calling his kids after something around his farm.

It was the first day of school and the teacher asked each child their name. When he got to one of the farmer George's sons, the boy replied, 'Wagon Wheel.'

The teacher said, 'I need your real name boy, to which the lad replied, 'It's Wagon Wheel, sir....Really.'

The teacher, rather annoyed rejoined, 'All right young man, take yourself right down to the Principal's office this minute.'

The youngster pushed himself out of his chair, turned to his sister and said, 'C'mon, 'Chicken Feed', he ain't gonna believe you, either.'

* Never Felt Better ~

In a court in Tralee, deep in County Kerry, Ireland, this conversation is reported to have taken place:

Lawyer: 'At the scene of the accident, Mr O'Brien, did you tell the Garda officer that you had never felt better in your life?'

O'Brien the farmer: 'That's right, sir.'

Lawyer: 'Well then, Mr O'Brien, how is it that you are now claiming you were seriously injured when my client's car hit your cart?'

O'Brien the farmer: 'When the Garda arrived, he went over to my horse, who had a broken leg, and shot him. Then he went over to Darcy, my dog, who was badly hurt, and shot him. When he asked me how I felt, I just thought under the circumstances, it was a wise choice of words to say I've never felt better in my life.'

Tags: farmerhumour

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